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Am I in Hell?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 685854" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi HBM and welcome, though sorry you have to be here.</p><p></p><p>A couple of things jumped out at me. First and foremost, your family has the right to be safe in your home. Period. If Nightmare is assaulting siblings or parents, or behaving in an unsafe manner, call 911. What I did was request assistance with transport to a hospital ER for a psychiatric patient, but even if they come out and refuse to transport to hospital for evaluation, have her arrested. It's not the ideal scenario in terms of getting her meaningful help, but again, <strong>your family has the right to be safe in your own home</strong>. That comes first, as far as I'm concerned. Especially since your youngest is the target of her aggression - that is completely unacceptable. I know you know that - sometimes it just helps to hear someone else say that it's okay to call 911.</p><p></p><p>Secondly, I know we've had former members get assistance from the agency that facilitated the adoption. It varies by state, but I would contact that agency and find out what resources (if any) are available for the high-risk children they placed. And with a maternal history of drug/alcohol use, your daughter was a high-risk placement. Some parents have gotten really phenomenal support.</p><p></p><p>Lastly, and I know this is a whopper because sometimes schools can be as difficult as our kids, I think it is long past time for the district to be held accountable for their failure to provide your daughter with a "free and appropriate public education" (FAPE). To promote a child simply because they don't want to hurt her feelings is not FAPE. been there done that. When I was told by our sped director that my son was being promoted based on the work he *could* do, not the work he was actually doing (which was nada), I was utterly gobsmacked. Speechless. Great - let's get him a job where he's paid based on what he could be doing, rather than what he actually is. Sigh.</p><p></p><p>It's extremely exhausting dealing with districts. I would start out by simply taking screenshots to show that she's on social media during school hours (and why on earth hasn't school blocked access to social media in the first place?!?!?). They are also required to have objective data showing that she is meeting her goals as written - ask to see it. And how are her goals? That was always my biggest challenge - making sure my sped kids had appropriate goals with good ways to measure.</p><p></p><p>Document, document, document. Dates, times, places, people. </p><p></p><p>I would also recommend finding an advocate to help you with this. I cannot begin to tell you how exhausting it is to get assertive with districts (especially with all you already have on your plate) - some have an endless supply of dirty tricks, and some just refuse to listen to parents. Some *are* good, but... based on your description of their efforts so far, I'm thinking yours may not be one of those. You should have gotten a list of advocates available in your area when you got a copy of your parent rights at the last IEP mtg. Or just call the sped department and request a list of advocates. I've always found parent advocacy groups to be the best - usually free, and usually have parents who have really been through the trenches and know what they're doing. Sometimes it helps to have more than just one or two people on your side of the table. There is also your state's protection and advocacy group for children and adults with disabilities - it's federally mandated. If they cannot help you with sped issues (which I think they should, but you never know), they should at least be able to refer you to someone who can help.</p><p></p><p>Hopefully one or more of these thoughts will be helpful to you. If not, please just ignore me, LOL. It's best to take what you can use and forget the rest. If any of us had *the* answer, we wouldn't be here. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>Glad you found us and, again, welcome.</p><p></p><p>I wanted to add that my daughter, who has depression but is otherwise not a "challenging kid", was an utter and absolute nightmare at 15 (perhaps a bit like her mother, LOL). You very well could be dealing with her basic issues on top of a really bad case of teenageritis. Not to diminish at all what you're dealing with, but I honestly believe that some teen daughters would be best served (or maybe their mothers would be) by banishment to a desert isle. I can't tell you how many times I've called my own mother in the last 5 years to apologize, LOL.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 685854, member: 8"] Hi HBM and welcome, though sorry you have to be here. A couple of things jumped out at me. First and foremost, your family has the right to be safe in your home. Period. If Nightmare is assaulting siblings or parents, or behaving in an unsafe manner, call 911. What I did was request assistance with transport to a hospital ER for a psychiatric patient, but even if they come out and refuse to transport to hospital for evaluation, have her arrested. It's not the ideal scenario in terms of getting her meaningful help, but again, [B]your family has the right to be safe in your own home[/B]. That comes first, as far as I'm concerned. Especially since your youngest is the target of her aggression - that is completely unacceptable. I know you know that - sometimes it just helps to hear someone else say that it's okay to call 911. Secondly, I know we've had former members get assistance from the agency that facilitated the adoption. It varies by state, but I would contact that agency and find out what resources (if any) are available for the high-risk children they placed. And with a maternal history of drug/alcohol use, your daughter was a high-risk placement. Some parents have gotten really phenomenal support. Lastly, and I know this is a whopper because sometimes schools can be as difficult as our kids, I think it is long past time for the district to be held accountable for their failure to provide your daughter with a "free and appropriate public education" (FAPE). To promote a child simply because they don't want to hurt her feelings is not FAPE. been there done that. When I was told by our sped director that my son was being promoted based on the work he *could* do, not the work he was actually doing (which was nada), I was utterly gobsmacked. Speechless. Great - let's get him a job where he's paid based on what he could be doing, rather than what he actually is. Sigh. It's extremely exhausting dealing with districts. I would start out by simply taking screenshots to show that she's on social media during school hours (and why on earth hasn't school blocked access to social media in the first place?!?!?). They are also required to have objective data showing that she is meeting her goals as written - ask to see it. And how are her goals? That was always my biggest challenge - making sure my sped kids had appropriate goals with good ways to measure. Document, document, document. Dates, times, places, people. I would also recommend finding an advocate to help you with this. I cannot begin to tell you how exhausting it is to get assertive with districts (especially with all you already have on your plate) - some have an endless supply of dirty tricks, and some just refuse to listen to parents. Some *are* good, but... based on your description of their efforts so far, I'm thinking yours may not be one of those. You should have gotten a list of advocates available in your area when you got a copy of your parent rights at the last IEP mtg. Or just call the sped department and request a list of advocates. I've always found parent advocacy groups to be the best - usually free, and usually have parents who have really been through the trenches and know what they're doing. Sometimes it helps to have more than just one or two people on your side of the table. There is also your state's protection and advocacy group for children and adults with disabilities - it's federally mandated. If they cannot help you with sped issues (which I think they should, but you never know), they should at least be able to refer you to someone who can help. Hopefully one or more of these thoughts will be helpful to you. If not, please just ignore me, LOL. It's best to take what you can use and forget the rest. If any of us had *the* answer, we wouldn't be here. ;) Glad you found us and, again, welcome. I wanted to add that my daughter, who has depression but is otherwise not a "challenging kid", was an utter and absolute nightmare at 15 (perhaps a bit like her mother, LOL). You very well could be dealing with her basic issues on top of a really bad case of teenageritis. Not to diminish at all what you're dealing with, but I honestly believe that some teen daughters would be best served (or maybe their mothers would be) by banishment to a desert isle. I can't tell you how many times I've called my own mother in the last 5 years to apologize, LOL. [/QUOTE]
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