I think most regular members know a little about my history with my mother. She sent a letter and b-day card this week for me to forward to difficult child. I could tell when we talked on the phone a couple of weeks ago that she didn't really remember what day his b-day was but knew it was sometime soon. Ok, not that big of a deal. Then, she thought he was getting ready to turn 14yo but I told her he's getting ready to turn 15yo. Now what bugs me about this, is that she stirs up so much stuff in our lives and calls threatening to stir up more with the GAL and DSS claiming that it's because she loves difficult child so much, yet she doesn't remember this stuff and "can't" come and visit him. To me, it honestly looks like she's just using difficult child as an excuse to continue her negative feelings and periodic mistreatment of me- which has been there long before difficult child was ever born. She always claims to me and others that I blame her for all my problems and that everything is just because I can't stand her but she doesn't deserve that- as if I am abusing her and she's a victim in this. I don't call her thrreatening to stir up stuff in her life and I don't try to control her life. I feel like my choice to not report her when I went to therapy and therapist said I had every right to was a sign of forgiving her, however I monitor her with difficult child because just because I forgive her doesn't mean I think she couldn't and wouldn't and doesn't still make very incompetent decisions and actions, particualrly when it comes to kids. Anyway, I believe that I have taken responsibility for myself and mine and difficult child's life (as a parent) and I never call her up saying all this is her fault. Still, I know it's her that trashes me to others but since she's saying that she's upset because I have such negative feelings toward her and "treat her badly" than people never seem to realize that she's the one trashing me- I'm not going to people ITRW and trashing her. So, in this letter she wrote to difficult child she wrote "if your mother brings this to you or sends this to you". Ok, I have forwarded every letter that she and difficult child have sent to each other. They are going to remain going thru me so that 1) my mother cannot continue to tell difficult child that his issues are my fault and 2) if my mother re-connects with my bro, neither of them know which facility difficult child is in this way. But what rubbed me the wrong way about that statement is that I have told her a thousand times that I can't even take a letter to difficult child- I have to mail them. And he can't receive gifts while he's in there. It just seemed like a "dig" to me as a reminder that she doesn't believe a word I say. Although, she thinks nothing of lying to me- I do not lie to her and have not lied to her about anything pertaining to difficult child. But then, I also noticed that she wrote that she couldn't believe it when I "reminded her" that he was going to be 15yo and would be starting high school. He started high school last fall and I told her that several times last year. So maybe some things I'm perceiving as "digs" directed at me are really her becoming more and more forgetfull. She's always been a bit....well, for lack of better term- a bit of an airhead. If I bring up to her that I have told her this before, she either ignores it or blows it off. If I stress a concern about it, she gets defensive. When she gets defensive she starts going off at me and it really gets to a point of being emotionally abusive. She will start telling me that I don't know anything and she's more educated and I need to mind my own business and quit acting like I know anything about this stuff and look at how I failed my son, and on and on and on.... I'm her closest relative and I be darned if I can see being treated like that so if I completely detach, I run the risk of someday being in court with a GAL for HER and being court ordered to take care of her. Yet she refuses to make any logical decision about her future and as I mentioned already, I don;'t think she'll ever even be willing to have a decent conversation with me about this stuff. But as this gets worse, I definitely predict that the panic attacks, delusions, etc, and resulting verbal abuse and threats to me will become worse. I guess my first question is, do you think she's trying to make digs directed at me or do you think the forgetfulness and mental health has just deteriorated to where she can't even remember something like difficult child being in high school this year even though I've told her several times over the past 6 months? Secondly, how do you think I should deal with this?