Am I really strong enough?

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Good Morning DDD,
Thank you for the hug...I needed that.

As for Parole requirements: 2 times a week AA meetings. 2 times a month visit Parole office...Drug tests. Parole officer visits home once a month. 60 to 90 days on Monitor...don't know curfew. However, young difficult child will only be able to go anywwere based on me driving him. Parole officer did say he could be at work as late as 8pm...but he must sleep at our house (already a problem as daughter in law and young difficult child wanted to spend their first night in a hotel as husband and I are giving daughter in law $200 to pick up young difficult child at prison).

I'm going to go ahead and write up at least an Agreement of Expectations...to include:
1) comply with Parole requirements
2) No drinking or pain medications
3) Work
4) Pay $200 a month for rent (we're actually saving this for young difficult child upon his departure from our home)
5) No Shoes Food or Drink on carpet
6) daughter in law and kids cannot live with us and overnight visits can only take place after 6pm on Friday/Saturday nights. Overnight visits HAVE to be discussed in advance.
7) No phone or computer use after 8pm (regardless of when young difficult child gets home from work)

husband said last night that I am the one who wants young difficult child home. So I will be the one who has to remind, pick up after, take to work, pick up from work, take to AA meetings, take to Parole office, etc etc etc.

I am still upset with husband as he is Scott Free in this whole deal. Like I said I don't want him to feel any right to jump on young difficult child case about Anything...I will address things with young difficult child as they come up.

Getting ready to go to my mom's where daughter in law and the grandbabies will be there. We are all headed to a community center where there will be Mr and Mrs Santa Claus and pics with them, brunch, and activities for the kids.

I did get alittle sleep last night, but still "hemorraging". husband has left for the day to see easy child at a college bowling tournament.

Tomorrow it begins.
I will take things as they come, one at a time. Trying to breathe, stay calm.

Thank you all for being my friend and caring.
Love,
LMS
 

recoveringenabler

Well-Known Member
Staff member
LMS, first of all, many gentle HUGS for you..........I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. I'm sorry husband is not standing with you, but good for you for going forward with the agreement/contract. Perhaps you might include something which outlines that he has to pick up after himself and keep your home neat. And, if he hasn't been in the past, that respect and consideration for you and husband, your home and your rules is of utmost importance.

Keep yourself very well supported. It's so easy to fall into old behavior with our difficult child's. My therapist told me it's like a FOG we get enveloped in and then start acting in the old ways before we are even aware of it. Once in the FOG, our clarity disappears and we go on automatic behavior. For me, it helped so much to keep myself continually in environments of support where I could relate events and get support to change MY behavior so that ultimately my difficult child had to change her behavior. When you change, those around you must change too. I became unwilling to tolerate certain behaviors and those behaviors disappeared. You're a gentle, compassionate and giving person, and I've found that when dealing with our difficult child's we have to focus that compassion and gentleness on ourselves first, for me that was a switch of focus off of difficult child and onto myself. You seem to have a good support system in your 12 step groups, I found CoDa helpful as well.

Sending you LOTS of prayers and warm wishes for success for you and difficult child and your whole family. I know how important this is to you...........HUGS........
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
Okay, what is it with fathers these days? They were there when they had the fun of making these kids! I dont think you forced yourself on him.

I was under the impression your house was the only place your son had open to him to return to. That was basically my case when Cory got house arrest. No one asked my permission or thoughts on the matter. It was just automatically set to the place he had as his last known address. I believe they want a person to be released to somewhere stable and because of the charges against him with his child he may not have been able to go straight to living with them. I dont know the details but I thought you were it. So...dear daddy...step it up and handle it. I know its a PITA. Yep, been there done that and have so many shirts I threw them away.

Im sorry, Im not liking men much right now. They seem to be whining to much. Have you seen that cell phone commercial where there are a girl and a guy playing some game on two different phones and the guy keeps complaining because the girls wins and they guy complains that its not fair because the girls screen is bigger than his entire phone? He says something about "I like to win" and this elderly woman sitting next to them says..."You like to whine!"....lol
 
A

AmericanGirl

Guest
Janet,

I gotta see that commercial.

I totally agree with you on the guy thing. Either step up, or at the least, stay out of the way.

Interesting that almost all posters here are female...
 
T

toughlovin

Guest
LMS,

I have been thinking about you and following this thread... sorry I havent written sooner. I will really be thinking of you tomorrow.

I think your husband is right about one thing, you cant be in the business of policing your difficult child. That will get in the way of your relationship with him. He has a PO so let them do all the policing! I think listing expectations is good.... think of it is boundaries for living in your home. However I do think you need to think ahead of time how you will handle it if he violates one of those boundaries, because in true difficult child fashion at some point he probably will. You might think about what are hard core boundaries, one for which you will tell him he absolutely cannot live there, and ones that you want but are willing to remind him on.

Hugs I know this is pretty hard and scary... but LMS you have shown us all that you are a very strong woman!!!

And by the way I totally can relate on the menopause stuff... in the process myself.

TL
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
You sound healthier today, my friend. I am DELIGHTED to read that the monitor is only for a max of 90 days. You can do 90 days! Starting the 91st day you will have a big weight off your shoulders. If I had a calendar I would tell you when exactly you are going to feel relief, LOL. You know you have hugs flying thru cyberspace. We are all rooting you on and confident you can sing along "I Can Survive".......or .... "I am woman". :) DDD
 

Nancy

Well-Known Member
Good luck tomorrow LMS. You can do this!!! I agree at the end of 90 days it will be a big relief. You can do anything for 90 days.

You go girl!
 
Just wanted you to know that I'm keeping you all in prayer. I truly hope that difficult child has the desire to build a life for himself and his family. Hang in there sweetie.
 
S

Signorina

Guest
Good morning sweetie! Thinking of you! difficult child has a long stint of sobriety under his belt; I'm hoping that sober thinking makes all the difference. We're here for you xoxo
 
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