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Substance Abuse
Am I too detached?
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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 712568" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>I’m interested about the “impact letter.” Are you writing it to say how you will feel if he is “<em>no longer in your life</em>” or “<em>no longer on the earth</em>” or what? I guess these kinds of letters may make a difference with some people. What is it that the therapist wants you to write that they think will make an impact? I'm trying to think how this would work in my own situation, and I don’t feel it would help, but very likely make it worse.</p><p></p><p>For example, if I were to open and spill my heart about the despair and anxiety and grief and sorrow and pain we went through: or if he were no longer here, all the sadness and feeling of “waste” and loss we might feel , I think this would only serve to make my son feel guilty, resentful, perhaps thinking I was trying to make him feel bad, (all of which he cannot handle well ) ~ with the result that he would likely want to punish himself by going deeper into poor behaviors in order to suffer the bad results which he knows hurts/ punishes him also. ~ thus only making it all worse for all.</p><p></p><p>My own thought right now is that since I have detached and become somewhat calloused and have receded from his needs to large a degree by now over the past 2 years, that I honestly know now that I would survive my son no longer being here. Of course, it would be hard to get through the grief process etc., but I have learned on this forum not to identify with my son and to be detached from the outcome. I have strengthened my joy and heart to know I can be thankful in all things. So, if I were to tell my son these things in thinking how it would be if he was no longer here, he may think that I would be glad and feel free if he was not here. And that too could cause him to pull farther away and lose some purpose.</p><p></p><p>Not sure if I am making any sense, but I am confused. I don’t see what good impact the “impact letter” would have. I guess depending on how and what the person is receptive to, perhaps how old they are, and how much they really are tied to you and fear losing your attachment, and if they are of the temperament that leans towards feeling remorse and repentance. Your son is much younger than mine, so maybe the link to his parents is still much closer to make a meaningful impact.</p><p></p><p>Has anyone else done an “impact letter” and how did it work out? I searched for some more info on the internet, but did not find much to clarify.</p><p></p><p>My best to you RN. Perhaps you can share in your situation if you think writing this kind of letter will make an “impact” as intended. I will think more about this. I am following along, and find everyone's wisdom so strengthening. Thank you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 712568, member: 19617"] I’m interested about the “impact letter.” Are you writing it to say how you will feel if he is “[I]no longer in your life[/I]” or “[I]no longer on the earth[/I]” or what? I guess these kinds of letters may make a difference with some people. What is it that the therapist wants you to write that they think will make an impact? I'm trying to think how this would work in my own situation, and I don’t feel it would help, but very likely make it worse. For example, if I were to open and spill my heart about the despair and anxiety and grief and sorrow and pain we went through: or if he were no longer here, all the sadness and feeling of “waste” and loss we might feel , I think this would only serve to make my son feel guilty, resentful, perhaps thinking I was trying to make him feel bad, (all of which he cannot handle well ) ~ with the result that he would likely want to punish himself by going deeper into poor behaviors in order to suffer the bad results which he knows hurts/ punishes him also. ~ thus only making it all worse for all. My own thought right now is that since I have detached and become somewhat calloused and have receded from his needs to large a degree by now over the past 2 years, that I honestly know now that I would survive my son no longer being here. Of course, it would be hard to get through the grief process etc., but I have learned on this forum not to identify with my son and to be detached from the outcome. I have strengthened my joy and heart to know I can be thankful in all things. So, if I were to tell my son these things in thinking how it would be if he was no longer here, he may think that I would be glad and feel free if he was not here. And that too could cause him to pull farther away and lose some purpose. Not sure if I am making any sense, but I am confused. I don’t see what good impact the “impact letter” would have. I guess depending on how and what the person is receptive to, perhaps how old they are, and how much they really are tied to you and fear losing your attachment, and if they are of the temperament that leans towards feeling remorse and repentance. Your son is much younger than mine, so maybe the link to his parents is still much closer to make a meaningful impact. Has anyone else done an “impact letter” and how did it work out? I searched for some more info on the internet, but did not find much to clarify. My best to you RN. Perhaps you can share in your situation if you think writing this kind of letter will make an “impact” as intended. I will think more about this. I am following along, and find everyone's wisdom so strengthening. Thank you all. [/QUOTE]
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