Amnesia lite + lack of common sense

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nomad, Aug 20, 2016.

  1. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Two part question
    Difficult Child is close to thirty, a little above avg in intellect, graduated from special needs HS due to mood swings

    1. re Lack of any common sense
    Our difficult child puts me on speaker phone but I have no idea she's done this. She rarely does this, but when she does, she never tells me. The other day she put me on S.Ph. And I asked her a semi sensitive question. She went ballistic. I tell her esp if she is with people she should either not put it on S. Ph. or at least tell the person. She finally "got it" but was very mad.
    I think I'm seeing lack of common sense run rampant here. Am I right? Any theories as to why intellect doesn't correlate to common sense?

    2. Re amnesia
    Difficult Child was a complete creep to her father. He was holding some food money for her and she wanted it for fast food and cigarettes. He was trying to convince her to go to the food store and get food and he would loan her money for cigs. We've been desperately trying to teach her to plan out her food money. She was rude and went ballistic. Next day, she acts like all is well and they are best buds. No mention. No apology. No bitterness. No tension. All is well. As if it never happened.
    We've seen this many times.
    Does your Difficult Child do this? Thoughts?
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Sounds like she has learning problems or neurological differences maybe due to mental illness or medications. You can be really IQ smart yet be unable to function for many reasons. Also she may not forget about the fights. She may just be over them and think that because she is, you are.

    Just my thoughts. i have a good IQ, but have challenges and sort of learned to compensate. If she really forgets things and has had trauma she could have some disassociation.
  3. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Yes she has bipolar diagnosis and things worsened when she had a brain anyeirysym. medications for Bipolar don't help any. I sometimes see what seems like a little Aspie traits. Difficult stuff
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nomad, my daughter has both of those traits. My brother who is schizophrenic and my sister who is bi-polar/Aspergers also have the first trait, which I have observed can be common with folks with mental illness, very high IQ's, but little or no common sense or social skill. Both of my siblings are extremely bright, capable of creating beautiful art or music or doing exceptionally well in school.....however, cannot connect with others well nor live in society in a typical fashion.

    I have noted that my daughter can move through the kinds of events that would be volatile or upsetting to most, but within minutes, the event dissipates and she can continue without the typical response of empathy, remorse, or even understanding of how others can continue to be upset. It isn't always the case, but it is often the case.

    Their responses to ordinary life events is markedly different that the typical response. My father was likely undiagnosed bi-polar as well, his response to life events was often rage. There doesn't seem to be any rhythm or reason behind those responses.......I've attempted to understand it too and in many ways, I can, in others I can't.......their brains are clearly operating on another wave can be quite difficult to be around.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Miss KT does the "everything is fine now, why are you still upset" thing, and it drives me crazy. It's all right if SHE takes a while to get over something, though. She's gotten somewhat better, maybe because I only see her a couple of times a year now, but I still don't like it.
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I envy the ability to let it go and move on. Maybe just maybe they are on to something.
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  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Pasa, yes I do too. My daughter clearly lives in the moment, there is no real future thinking or regrets about the past.
  8. karisma

    karisma Member

    My Difficult Child is bipolar and highly intelligent. He intuitively understands extremely complex mathmatics and advanced physics, but has little common sense.

    How is he not able to comprehend that if he is hungry, then he needs to go to DES and get his food stamps back? Or how about how when he was a child and would constantly wake my mother up, which caused her to rage at him for a while. He would cry his eyes out and all I could do was say "then why would you wake her up knowing she will do that?".......and thousands of other examples.

    I actually grew up with a mother who I am now convinced was also bipolar. She would rage once or twice a day and then act like nothing happened. I always wondered if she did not recall the incident or what she thought about it.

    Difficult Child does same, but I'm used to it and honestly just attribute it to the illness.

    When I am short with someone who doesn't deserve it. I apologize fairly soon. As I'm sure most people do. Its difficult to understand the internal dialogue that must take place to be able to act so mean and just go on like it never even occurred
  9. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    I think what you are looking at might be more likely damage due to the aneurysm. This type of difficulty with executive function and impulse control is very, very common with brain injuries.

    I'm not so sure it is a common sense issue or a cause and effect issue. Sometimes people with brain injuries don't always comprehend that A leads to B.

    There is often a problem with impulse control, too (and lord knows that isn't helped by bipolar disorder) She wanted the money for fast food, she wanted it now, she got nasty, cork blown, pressure reduced.
  10. MaryJane

    MaryJane New Member

    My difficult child often shows no concept of common sense. Yesterday she wanted to grill a hamburger (grill is on the patio) and make frozen french fries in the oven. This task requires walking back and forth to check both items. She is going ballistic because the hamburger was burning while trying to flip the french fries. I looked at her with utter amazement and said "well you could either- turn the grill temp down or you could put the fries on top of the stove while you flip the burger". I was amazed that she could not figure that out. Then I figured it out...she wanted ME to make it and thought that if she whined and complained enough that I would jump up and say "I'll just do it". Nope, not anymore.

    Amnesia- My daughter constantly flips out when she does not get what she wants, when she wants it. Curses, cries, throws things, etc. Then comes back and talks to us like nothing happened. I call it "entitlement amnesia". Ironically, if I even get the tiniest bit annoyed at her- it is always "OMG what is wrong with YOU today".
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  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    For the record, I want to clarify bipolar. There are mood swings usually lasting at least a few days and usually longer and do not incluDE amnesia. Many very bright capable people have bipolar.
    Random screaming then lack of insight about the ramificayions, if not caused by brain damage, is more apt to be caused by personality disorders, such as borderline...with borderline your mood sways minute to minute.

    The reason I wanted to clarify is because I have a mood disorder and many people I've met in mental health groups have bipolar, and it is not minute to minute moodswings. And it can often be controlled well with the right medication.

    Personality disorders are very puzzling and difficult and psychiatry is just beginning to learn how to treat them. But progress is being made.

    Lack of life skills can be high functioning autistic spectrum disorder. Just a thought.

    Ok ...sorry for the hijack.
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  12. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    SWOT....I think I understand. Her mood swings last a few days, typically. And, if she takes her medications and has not done something that might induce a mood swing like drink or stay up all night, she is much less likely to have one. She's had lack of ramification issues since she was baby/toddler. I mean very very young. Problems with cause and effect reasoning. And impulse control. I remember when she was a toddler, she jumped into our pool without knowing how to swim. I recall her running into the street repeatedly and how it took me a very long time explaining to her over and over again that this was dangerous. Lack of life skills are not too bad, but there seems to be some issues there as well. It is puzzling because of her brain aneurysm and somewhat because I don't have full knowledge of her bio background including what may have been done in utero. We do suspect bipolar in her biofamily.
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Gotcha! Sounds very trying. Im sorry.
  14. Sister's Keeper

    Sister's Keeper Active Member

    Children who were exposed to alcohol also have a lack of comprehension of cause and effect, too.

    Children exposed in utero to cocaine also have a problem with impulse control and regulating their behavior.
  15. jetsam

    jetsam Active Member

    Ok, i can definitely attest to high intelligence not equating with common sense! My son (diagnosed with adhd at a very young age) has always been very bright. TO the tune of being invited by johns hopkins university in 7th grade to take the SAT's. Yet he has the common sense of a flea...maybe.
    on the second point he does the exact same thing..going ballistic , then the next day acting as if nothing ever remorse, no apology etc. But I personally feel its selective amnesia. He knows what he did and how he acted he just doesn't want attention brought to it.(probably because he knows he acted like an ass!) anyway dragged him to dr's as a child and never any other diagnosis other than add. I don't buy it, never did. there has to be some other mental illness he has been struggling with . anyway, I get your frustration. hang in there
  16. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    you can have mood swings that go in rapid cycles and that same person can alternately have cycles that last days, weeks, and at times months depending on the amount and intensity of both internal and external triggers.

    A brain aneurysm is a game changer. Physical damage to the brain has taken place. Medication can help somewhat, but the persons abilities that are regulated by that particular area of the brain are permanently damaged. Her impulsive behavior is not willfulness on her part nor are they caused by bipolar disorder, depression, or psychosis. The behaviors may look the same but the cause is not the same. In most cases of traumatic brain injury ( a brain aneurysm would certainly be considered a traumatic injury) therapies used to treat bipolar or other mental illnesses would not be that successful. Retraining the brain (much like with a stroke victim) would produce better, but somewhat limited, improvement. Amnesia of events and the lack of ability to remember consequences of similar situations are a direct result of damaged neurological pathways.
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