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An absolute whirlwind!
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 653030" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Weary, I have a philosophy that for some of our kids on this forum, they have to grow up some before anything that we have tried to teach them can start to "take." For boys, it can be later than girls, as we all know. </p><p></p><p>It appears...I say appears because I also realize it can change in a moment...that my son had to be scared straight, finally, by his lawyer telling him to get ready for the four year sentence to be enforced. He said he spent the whole night awake before court the next day thinking about going to jail for four years. That didn't happen, but not because it couldn't. Fortunately or unfortunately, the jails are full already and they let them go more often than not. My son, up until then, just kept on and on taking the kind of action that destroyed his life almost completely. Nothing would stop him. Nothing. </p><p></p><p>In my son's case, this was June 2014 when his lawyer told him this. He got out of jail then and hasn't gotten in trouble since that time. This is the longest period of time we have gone in the last years (6+) seeing sustained change. Change in attitude. Change in behavior. Working consistently since last fall, full time+. Paying his own bills, for the most part, since late October 2014. </p><p></p><p>He texted me yesterday to say he went to the eye doctor Saturday. Now, that may sound like a little thing, but my son hasn't been to the dentist in more than 6 years, and slowly, slowly, he is starting to do the "normal" things----on his own---that I pushed and pulled and tried to make happen for so long. He is getting contacts. He is talking about paying off a student loan he defaulted on. He actually went and stood in line for a long time to find out what to do and how to do it. </p><p></p><p>He is almost 26 years old (will be in July). His decline---very slow at first---began in middle school. It ramped up big time when he was 20 and was a steep drop until last June.</p><p></p><p>I don't know why he has changed, at least for now. I am sure there are many variables. I continue to keep my distance, love and encourage him, and try to keep my own side of the street clean...and let him manage his side of the street without my "help." </p><p></p><p>Sometimes it isn't easy to keep my mouth shut and sometimes things just "burst out" of me. But for the most part, I have let him go.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter may have gotten it earlier than many. Girls are more mature. But as you said, and as we know, things can change. They can and will change in a heartbeat. My parents are aging, and I could get the phone call at any moment. </p><p></p><p>Life isn't a sure bet. Things are going to happen. Pain will come, and so will joy. What to do?</p><p></p><p>Create a daily practice that builds peace inside ourselves. By doing that, we are getting ready for the unknown. The good and the bad. We are letting go of other people and our expectations of them, and simply accepting what is right in front of us...and most importantly, learning how to be happy despite it.</p><p></p><p>It is a process, and it won't happen overnight. I keep up my exercise program faithfully, I take almost nightly bubble baths, I read light fiction, I dig in the yard, I take naps when I need to, I go to Al-Anon, I get together with friends, I go to church...these are all parts and pieces of my daily practice. These actions help me focus on me and help keep me sane. I need to run because that releases my fear and anxiety. </p><p></p><p>Today it is more about me and less about him. I want to live in peace, and I'm willing to work for it.</p><p></p><p>Warm hugs for you today. You will get through this, no matter what happens. You will. We are here for you. Hang in there!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 653030, member: 17542"] Weary, I have a philosophy that for some of our kids on this forum, they have to grow up some before anything that we have tried to teach them can start to "take." For boys, it can be later than girls, as we all know. It appears...I say appears because I also realize it can change in a moment...that my son had to be scared straight, finally, by his lawyer telling him to get ready for the four year sentence to be enforced. He said he spent the whole night awake before court the next day thinking about going to jail for four years. That didn't happen, but not because it couldn't. Fortunately or unfortunately, the jails are full already and they let them go more often than not. My son, up until then, just kept on and on taking the kind of action that destroyed his life almost completely. Nothing would stop him. Nothing. In my son's case, this was June 2014 when his lawyer told him this. He got out of jail then and hasn't gotten in trouble since that time. This is the longest period of time we have gone in the last years (6+) seeing sustained change. Change in attitude. Change in behavior. Working consistently since last fall, full time+. Paying his own bills, for the most part, since late October 2014. He texted me yesterday to say he went to the eye doctor Saturday. Now, that may sound like a little thing, but my son hasn't been to the dentist in more than 6 years, and slowly, slowly, he is starting to do the "normal" things----on his own---that I pushed and pulled and tried to make happen for so long. He is getting contacts. He is talking about paying off a student loan he defaulted on. He actually went and stood in line for a long time to find out what to do and how to do it. He is almost 26 years old (will be in July). His decline---very slow at first---began in middle school. It ramped up big time when he was 20 and was a steep drop until last June. I don't know why he has changed, at least for now. I am sure there are many variables. I continue to keep my distance, love and encourage him, and try to keep my own side of the street clean...and let him manage his side of the street without my "help." Sometimes it isn't easy to keep my mouth shut and sometimes things just "burst out" of me. But for the most part, I have let him go. Your daughter may have gotten it earlier than many. Girls are more mature. But as you said, and as we know, things can change. They can and will change in a heartbeat. My parents are aging, and I could get the phone call at any moment. Life isn't a sure bet. Things are going to happen. Pain will come, and so will joy. What to do? Create a daily practice that builds peace inside ourselves. By doing that, we are getting ready for the unknown. The good and the bad. We are letting go of other people and our expectations of them, and simply accepting what is right in front of us...and most importantly, learning how to be happy despite it. It is a process, and it won't happen overnight. I keep up my exercise program faithfully, I take almost nightly bubble baths, I read light fiction, I dig in the yard, I take naps when I need to, I go to Al-Anon, I get together with friends, I go to church...these are all parts and pieces of my daily practice. These actions help me focus on me and help keep me sane. I need to run because that releases my fear and anxiety. Today it is more about me and less about him. I want to live in peace, and I'm willing to work for it. Warm hugs for you today. You will get through this, no matter what happens. You will. We are here for you. Hang in there! [/QUOTE]
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