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An absolute whirlwind!
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<blockquote data-quote="WearyMom18" data-source="post: 653100" data-attributes="member: 18856"><p>She's home, she's working but as I expected it didn't take long for my Difficult Child to start showing her attitude (less, but it's starting to show) and because I worked so hard for a whole month at learning to allow her to live with her consequences and learning about detachment I'm finding myself lost as to how to conduct myself with her home.</p><p></p><p>For example, today was her last day off this week before she works 4 days in a row. She is not the kind of person that can sit still so she had it in her mind that she was going to go start a tanning membership that she (finally!!!!) was going to pay for with her own money. Well, she doesn't have a vehicle right now (because we are requiring her to purchase it from us) so instead of waiting for her dad or I to get home to get a ride, she walks to a friends house and was going to go along with this friend and her mother to a few places shopping and then they were going to take her to the tanning place. She called me, from her friend's phone although she had her phone with her, and told me what she was doing. I told her that the friend she was with was not good people to be around and that I would like her to head back to the house. This friend has a sister that is a meth addict. The friend works fulltime at a nursing home and is clean due to random drug testing BUT I don't like these people for obvious reasons. My Difficult Child says in response, Well her Mom is okay to which I just repeated my statement that I don't think she is making a good decision and I'd like her to head back home. After a bit of fuss, she said Fine! I'll go home.</p><p></p><p>I sent her a text telling her that she has made great improvements in her life since coming home but by continuing relationships with people from her 'past' she is not doing herself any justice. She called me and said she wanted to go to the tanning place and at the start of my sentence to reply, she hung up on me.</p><p></p><p>My blood is boiling at this point. How dare she come home just a couple of weeks ago, make stupid decisions yet again and then have the audacity to hang up on me! I could just scream! Yes, I am used to this behavior from her - it has been this way for years BUT the fact that she has been through struggle and jail time and homelessness as a result of her actions and decisions and then come home and think you can act like that? I swear, she is NEVER going to get it!</p><p></p><p>She's 18 years old, just started her first job, is doing well at home in terms of keeping up her room and helping in the house as I ask. She is excited about her job and the thought of making her own money and she has a much better attitude than before her month of homelessness but looking at the big picture, she still doesn't get it! Each time she has come back and 'started over', we have seen a little sustained improvement each time and those improvements stick but at this rate, she is going to be trying to depend on us for the next 10 year or longer and I am NOT signing up for that.</p><p></p><p>What I need to figure out is how I need to interact with her to prevent a full blown panic attack, stress and migraines for myself. LOL - sounds horrible but those are very real things I struggle with when she is around. Sad huh?</p><p></p><p>She is asking for permission to do things - which I am a little surprised at because I figured she would through the 'I'm 18' card at me but she hasn't but when told no to something she cannot handle it without flying off the handle or worse. So my first thought is to give her a response and then refuse to engage in argument. No is no - and that's a complete sentence (aren't you proud?) I am scared to death that she will do something when she's angry to get her put back out of the house and then what - we are back to her being out there somewhere and the cycle continues. I know that I cannot control what she does and if she does something to break our conditions of her living at home we must implement those consequences but because of her young age there is a part of me that feels like kicking her out is unproductive but part of me says, 'Your life was so much less stressful and you were HAPPY when she was gone'. Ugh - I'm torn.</p><p></p><p>I'm not saying we are going to kick her out right now, she hasn't violated our conditions of living at home, yet, but where does it end? I hate this!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WearyMom18, post: 653100, member: 18856"] She's home, she's working but as I expected it didn't take long for my Difficult Child to start showing her attitude (less, but it's starting to show) and because I worked so hard for a whole month at learning to allow her to live with her consequences and learning about detachment I'm finding myself lost as to how to conduct myself with her home. For example, today was her last day off this week before she works 4 days in a row. She is not the kind of person that can sit still so she had it in her mind that she was going to go start a tanning membership that she (finally!!!!) was going to pay for with her own money. Well, she doesn't have a vehicle right now (because we are requiring her to purchase it from us) so instead of waiting for her dad or I to get home to get a ride, she walks to a friends house and was going to go along with this friend and her mother to a few places shopping and then they were going to take her to the tanning place. She called me, from her friend's phone although she had her phone with her, and told me what she was doing. I told her that the friend she was with was not good people to be around and that I would like her to head back to the house. This friend has a sister that is a meth addict. The friend works fulltime at a nursing home and is clean due to random drug testing BUT I don't like these people for obvious reasons. My Difficult Child says in response, Well her Mom is okay to which I just repeated my statement that I don't think she is making a good decision and I'd like her to head back home. After a bit of fuss, she said Fine! I'll go home. I sent her a text telling her that she has made great improvements in her life since coming home but by continuing relationships with people from her 'past' she is not doing herself any justice. She called me and said she wanted to go to the tanning place and at the start of my sentence to reply, she hung up on me. My blood is boiling at this point. How dare she come home just a couple of weeks ago, make stupid decisions yet again and then have the audacity to hang up on me! I could just scream! Yes, I am used to this behavior from her - it has been this way for years BUT the fact that she has been through struggle and jail time and homelessness as a result of her actions and decisions and then come home and think you can act like that? I swear, she is NEVER going to get it! She's 18 years old, just started her first job, is doing well at home in terms of keeping up her room and helping in the house as I ask. She is excited about her job and the thought of making her own money and she has a much better attitude than before her month of homelessness but looking at the big picture, she still doesn't get it! Each time she has come back and 'started over', we have seen a little sustained improvement each time and those improvements stick but at this rate, she is going to be trying to depend on us for the next 10 year or longer and I am NOT signing up for that. What I need to figure out is how I need to interact with her to prevent a full blown panic attack, stress and migraines for myself. LOL - sounds horrible but those are very real things I struggle with when she is around. Sad huh? She is asking for permission to do things - which I am a little surprised at because I figured she would through the 'I'm 18' card at me but she hasn't but when told no to something she cannot handle it without flying off the handle or worse. So my first thought is to give her a response and then refuse to engage in argument. No is no - and that's a complete sentence (aren't you proud?) I am scared to death that she will do something when she's angry to get her put back out of the house and then what - we are back to her being out there somewhere and the cycle continues. I know that I cannot control what she does and if she does something to break our conditions of her living at home we must implement those consequences but because of her young age there is a part of me that feels like kicking her out is unproductive but part of me says, 'Your life was so much less stressful and you were HAPPY when she was gone'. Ugh - I'm torn. I'm not saying we are going to kick her out right now, she hasn't violated our conditions of living at home, yet, but where does it end? I hate this! [/QUOTE]
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