An eye opening moment with difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Mar 11, 2009.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    difficult child had a meltdown tonight at home. First one in a little while. We handled it as we always do, and he de-escalated pretty quickly, however, he continued to sob loudly in the room where everyone was.

    In the past, we take him to his bedroom and tell him to stay there until he is together and can rejoin us. For the past year or so, we haven't had a problem with this.

    Tonight, he became HYSTERICAL when I put him in his room. He was afraid, we would lock him in and leave him alone, like school, he screamed.

    School has a safe room that I gave them the ok to use in emergencies. Apparently, it is being used WAY TOO much. He would not stay in his room and he was truly petrified - the incidents surrounding the meltdown were LONG gone once we went in that bedroom.

    Another talk to be had with the school.
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2009
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Wow, poor guy! What the heck are they doing to him there? Do you get a report for every incident where the safe room is used? I would want something sent to me THAT DAY.

    Any chance he's coming down with something? I know sometimes my kids will just crumble when they're not feeling well.
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hmm. Which room? For how long? Time to ask.
    Gcv has a good idea ... maybe he's coming down with-something.
    You'll find out in the a.m.
    Best of luck.
    I hope you all get some sleep.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry! Poor difficult child!

    It is one thing to use a safe room, but a whole different thing to lock a child in a room and LEAVE HIM THERE!

    You DO know that if YOU did this at home CPS would be called and you could lose custody, don't you?

    So WHY is it OK for school to put him in a room and not let him come out? Kids don't automatically come up with "locked in" if a door is just closed. They TRY the door. It is after it doesn't open that fears like these set in (or if an adult tells them they are locked in and can't get out - which is equally abusive to actually locking them in, in my opinion)

    School needs to send you a report THAT DAY if they use the "safe" room or a restraint. Period. No exceptions.

    Also, isn't he only there for HALF a day? What is that, 4 hours at MOST? Why on EARTH would they not be trying to maximize the amount of learning and socialization he receives rather than locking him in a room???

    So are these people really sadists, or what??

    Raise the roof with this fools! AND let both the Sp Ed Director and the Superintendent of Schools know what they are doing!! Maybe a report to the State Board of Ed is also in order??

    I am so sorry for wee difficult child. I wish I could just give him a big snuggle and reassure him.

    Poor guy.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Poor thing! How scary! I wouldn't want to go back to school.

    When I was in 3rd grade, there was a day when I had to stay in the classroom during recess. I was alone and another student came in. He was very upset because the kids were teasing him. He became angry and said he was going to beat someone up that had been teasing him. I tried to calm him down but he left the room slamming the door shut behind him. The door slammed so hard that I could not open it. I absolutely hate being locked in a room - I can not handle elevators unless someone is in it with me (and then I put on a very brave face and do my quite breathing exercises). The teachers also could not open the door - they had to get help. I felt so bad because I knew the boy would get into trouble for this (and he did). It wasn't his fault that the teasing made him that angry. Another story where the victim gets the punishment.

    Any way, I know how it feels to be locked in a room and if I was locked in on purpose by an authoritative figure, I would be more scared.
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    kt & wm both have had use of those rooms. Always as a last resort after following the BIP. At one point in time kt told me that it felt like forever when she had to use the "quiet down" room. She felt trapped & locked in ~ the door was seldom closed all the way or even locked.

    Our SD always has a minimum of 2 staff (for safety) in the intervention room that record time in & time out of that room . Many times the door isn't even closed. It's left open a crack so staff can check in on the student.

    The last thing a SD wants is for a child who may be out of control or self harming to hurt themselves. High liability issues. Check with the school on their policy & what precipitates use of "time out" rooms for your difficult child.
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Its a necessary evil, as Linda says, they must have it for the safety of all concerned when difficult child is truly out of control. I think I need to be breifed, tho, on how often it is being used, and this is another example of why we MUST get the situation between difficult child and the particular para that does not handle him well resolved NOW. This is NOT good, his bedroom has always been a safe place for him, and while I didn't like having to use it as his time out room at home, we had no other options, and we used it infrequently enough that there were no negative associations. There darn sure are now.
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Your stories of what is happening in that school are just making me crazy!

    Do you have any options for changing schools?

    If not, it seems like there should be some sort of investigation into what they are doing and not doing with your child. Something is rotten in that SD.