An Update...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Dec 31, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Good morning!

    Yesterday, I posted that difficult child had done NONE of the chores she was asked, and husband had had enough and was going to take away everything difficult child owned as a consequence...

    So, last evening when husband arrived home from work, difficult child was still laying on her bed. husband very calmly asked her whether she had taken care of any of the yard work he had asked her to do. She mumbled something about getting to it later that night (of course, now that it was dark and starting to rain).

    So, without another word husband got the door from difficult child's bedroom (which had been removed some time ago) and put it back on the frame and locked her out of her room.

    difficult child responded by flying into a rage: yelling, swearing, starting to smash things...

    husband, who was cool as a cucumber asked if difficult child if she was going to get herself under control, or whether he was going to have to call the police. difficult child shrieked at him the things that she was gonna do to him and/or his stuff....but husband stopped her and asked "Are you threatening me?" He told her if she threatened him, he would call police.

    difficult child continued to scream and yell and swear and cry--BUT, she did stop threatening....AND she stopped smashing husband's stuff. So far, so good.

    At dinner, difficult child refused to eat and explained that she would not eat another bite as long as she lived (BUT, she ate anyway the moment she thought nobody was looking.)

    We had an appointment scheduled with the psychiatrist today, so I thought it would be a great opportunity to discuss the continued chaos in our home.

    Unfortunately, when we arrived for the appointment (which we had scheduled months ago), we were told that the psychiatrist appointment had been CANCELLED by the therapist and that difficult child could not get an appointment with the psychiatrist until it had been cleared by the therapist and even then, psychiatrist did not have any openings until the end of March.


    I don't know whether to laugh or cry. On the one hand, it is OUTRAGEOUS that our appointment could be cancelled with any reason or notification...but on the other hand, this is our lovely county mental health facility, so it figures. I can't say that I'm totally surprised that this kind of baloney would happen.

    So we are on our own again...

    And husband is not going to let difficult child have access to her bedroom until she does all the chores that he asked--and to his specifications.


  2. Star*

    Star* call 911

    This could be interesting.......

    I'm really looking forward to the update. I wonder how long it will take her to camp out and take over another part of your house OR comply.

    LOVE that she stopped threatening. (Way To Go Dad)

    Hugs -
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    What???!!! That's just nuts to cancel your appointment without YOUR consent!

    I'm glad she backed down with husband, even if it was just a wee bit. This emotional dysregulation is exhausting for everyone. Frankly, I don't see how a therapist appointment is going to help a whole lot until her medications are fixed. You can lecture and rationalize and try to teach them coping skills until you are blue in the face, but all that is useless if she can't think clearly because of all the chaos in her head.

  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    difficult child has decided to comply!!!!

    She is outside, as we speak, raking up pinestraw....AND it is rainy and cold outside today. (I can't feel too bad for her out in that weather, I don't know how many perfectly gorgeous days went by when she was just too darn busy doing nothing to get anything done.)

    AND she has spoken to me very politely all day today....AND even offered to pour a drink for her brother with his sandwich at lunch.

    Hope this lasts....

    And I agree with you, Star--Way To Go husband!!!

    Basking in the "nice" for a change...

  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    O I agree! The receptionist says that therapist must have made some other arrangements for us (Is that "code" for she's sick of us and so is transferring us elsewhere?). I won't be able to find out until therapist returns from vacation some time next week...
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would be filing a complaint with whomever is therapist's boss. And with psychiatrist and psychiatrist's boss, if such person exists. If they are at a counselling center then the head of the center would be that person. Cancelling your appointment and then going on vaca with-o even telling you is outrageous!!!!


    But, it is good that she is complying. Way To Go to both of you!!!
  7. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    If you are using county mental health, you should have been provided with a Patient's Bill of Rights. Among other things, it should tell you how to file a grievance.

    I would definitely do that.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Flutterby is very right. It is time to file that grievance. Past time. Name the therapist and the psychiatrist both.

    If they won't give you another copy of the bill of rights, then call the head administrator there. They legally HAVE to give you one.
  9. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    URGH Is all I can say about the cancelled appointment. What a mess!

    As for husband's tactic, huge Kudos to him. Even better given that you got to be on the sideline while husband did the leg work to showing difficult child that things weren't going to go HER way.

    I'm glad you had some peace and a semblance of compliance. Hope it lasts!
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Go for filing the grievance but actually I think you guys may be on to the best therapy you could do. If "little miss attitude" actually has emerging borderline like we all think she does, then stopping the walking on eggshells around her and demanding certain typical age appropriate behaviors is good.

    Have you visited the website for parents of teens with borderline? I think they have a message board or chatroom. It could be a huge support for you.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow. I can't believe the mental health dept did that. VERY unprofessional. So sorry.

    by the way, I read this incorrectly: the continued chaos in our home.

    but aptly read it as: "Controlled Chaos."
    I like it! Because you and husband knew what would happen, you didn't blow your stacks, you did the right thing. (Locking out difficult child, etc.)
    I know it's stressful, but it is going according to plan. Frankly, I'd let the mental health dept. go take a flying leap and deal with-it on your own, or find someone else, if you can afford it. You are doing all the right things.

    I love the part where difficult child swears she won't eat again for the rest of her life. Made me chuckle.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think you and husband handled difficult child perfectly. Sorry about the appointment being canceled.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Cancelling your appointment and then going on vaca with-o even telling you is outrageous!!!!

    In VA, if it's your primary care physician, you have a case for abandonment. I don't know if it would work for mental health svcs, but it's worth a shot.

    Best of luck!

    Year of the Warrior Mom! You GO!
  14. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thanks everyone!

    I am going to give the therapist a chance to explain herself before filing a grievance. Perhaps there is some logical/rational explanation for the cancelled appointment...