OK I have been thinking about this analagy lately... it is part of understanding my role now in my difficult children life. So it is like my difficult child is driving the car and I am the passenger. I can give him directions and guidance but as the driver he decides if he wants to follow them. He is in the drivers seat of his own life, and I can watch where he is going and make suggestions but the driving decisions are not up to me! And if he is going in a direction i like then I can help pay for gas.... ie help him pay for school or other things that are going in a positive direction. On the other hand if he is driving craziy, out of control, going the wrong way on the street it is time for me to get out of the so that I don't get hurt too. I can't keep him from doing that but i do not need to stay in the car.And I guess there are times when you take the keys if you can... ie call the police, bring charges etc. and let the legal system handle it.