and he has...a dump!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, Oct 10, 2008.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was not going to post about when Cory got out because I was just too ashamed. I woke up at 6:30 to find him running in my bedroom all hugs and kisses...ugh. I just knew this was going to happen. PO was no help...he refused to violate and basically said Cory had to stay here until he got his own place. Thanks PO.

    Good news was Cory heard us loud and clear that he had better get his own place damn quick or he would be under a bridge. They found one.

    It is the biggest dump you have ever seen. Of course for the money, its not bad I guess. $125 a month doesnt buy you The floors have holes in them and he has to replace them himself before he can move in. Thats part of the deal. He has to do all the upkeep on this place. Basically he is just paying lot rent on it. He has to come up with his own stove and fridge too.

    Did I say it was a dump? LOL.

    Oh well...we lived in some real dumps too when we were starting out and they can make you stronger. Maybe this will be what it takes to make him learn what living in the real world is all
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am sorry that he came back, esp that he woke you up and so dang EARLY!!

    Glad he and Mandy got the message, I hope he is already out. The fact that he has a dump is NOT reflective on YOU or TONY, it reflects on CORY only. Well, Mandy and Cory.

    Be gentle with yourself, be nice to yourself, and ignore him for a while. Don't let HIS choices get you down.



    ps.. I have tried to call a couple of times, but have gotten busy signals. It may be the cell network, I don't know. I just was thinking about you and wanted to check in.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Im actually tickled pink.

    If he stays in this place for five years it will become his...which isnt a bad deal at all. So that makes fixing it up an incentive. Its only a mid-90s trailer but renters have trashed it. The landlord does the little deal of telling the people they can fix them up and only pay lot rent and it is an opportunity for both.

    Cory seems excited. We are excited for him and will do everything in our power to help him if he is working towards a goal. Goals are Even Jamie called to tell him he is glad that he got a place and that it sounded like a good first step. Cory doesnt want to admit that he likes to hear it but kudos from his brother means a great deal to him.
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Janet, I'm confused. Cory is 22 years old. I don't understand why PO thinks you have any legal or moral obligation at all to have Cory stay with you. That's just plain nuts.

  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Suz...welcome to my world. I dont quite get it either but its something to do with the fact that he was released from the courthouse on probation to my address...which was never even discussed with me by the way...just because that was his address of until he actually has a legal change of address which the PO agrees with...he has to stay here. Ok...yeah...

    I can go through legal eviction but that takes awhile and money. Since Cory has decided to need...whew.
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    So, does this mean he stays with you until it is habitable? If so, how long will that take? Sorry, I'd be telling the PO and Cory that he's outta here and the PO can do whatever he wants about it. Not. your. problem!

    Honestly, I think I would have thrown up had my child woken me with hugs and kisses after stealing from me like he did. Between that and his hateful words, I'm surprised you didn't shove him through a wall when he showed up. I'm not sure I could have stopped myself.

    Hope he gets out soon. Real soon.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It wont take but a few days to get it livable. Thats what we It doesnt have to be a palace...just cover the holes.

    People...this is a good thing!

    This few days isnt going badly at all. He is always on great behavior when he gets out so there are no problems.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I hope the problems stay away until he's settled into his own place.

    Ya know, maybe having something that's "his" will help him trip over into maturity. It being a dump is no biggy. And you sure can't beat 125.00 a month rent. Sometimes it takes scratching and clawing out a living to grow up. I hope it does with Cory.

    But I think I'd have beaten him to a bloody pulp to barg in on me like that so early in the morning!

    Just make sure that change of address gets put in asap!

  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hopefully the motivator of owning the trailer someday will keep Cory headed in the right direction. And I'm glad he got the hint that it was time to move! Living in a dump won't kill many of us have someplace on the dump scale somewhere in our past? I can count at least three.
  10. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Heh ... I can count a few dumps in my list of previous living situations too. They can be great motivators. I hope having his own place will be a positive motivator for Cory. And as a bonus you can enjoy his good behavior for the few days it'll take to make the place livable ... always look at the glass as half-full, I say!
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ya know what I find really odd? Cory cant remember the dumps we lived in. I guess they didnt make that big of an impression on him as a kid. They were just home and he was happy.

    For me those places were such a huge shocker because I grew up living in an upper middle class family so to drop down to eeking out a living in run down shacks was quite the culture shock to say the least. This really shouldnt be that big of a let down to him...we have almost always lived in mobile homes. Well...we rented a couple of houses a few times but they werent what you would call nice We didnt own our own mobile home until I bought my first one in 96 but it was used. It was a single and then we really thought we moved up in the world when I got this double Now I would give my eye teeth to have the single again...lmao. I dont need all this room to heat and cool. Or clean.

    Cory always thought he could leave here and get a new doublewide on a large lot. gonna happen right off the bat. It takes time to get there. We wouldnt be in this position if it wasnt for certain things that had happened. I would still be in the single wide house if it wasnt for my mom...and would have been content. The land is inherited on Tony's side. Jamie wouldnt be doing so well if he hadnt done things the right way and gone through the military, got training for a good job. Sometimes you just have to dig your way up. Tony and I have always had to do it that way.

    I do think this is going to be good for him. He does so much better when he has to work on something.
  12. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Good for him!! That's wonderful he followed through with finding his own place. He probably thinks "the dump" is a palace - it's his! I wish him lots of luck. And I am happy for his proud mommy too. :)
  13. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    You know in all the "dumps" I lived in my dad would visit and his only thing was to make sure it had a smoke detector. He checked that out in every place I lived while he was alive. I came from that upper middle class upbringing too and seeing him not even flinch unless no smoke detector helped majorly for me.

  14. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Janet, I'm so glad to hear that Cory has a place. The fact that it's a dump is not a big deal. It will help him realize that if he wants that double-wide on a big lot he's going to have to work hard for it.

    And, I can totally relate to the culture shock of a big change in circumstances. The transition from my GFGparents fairly luxurious digs to a room in a nasty row house, across the street from a booze can (illegal after-hours night club) and a crack house, 1/2 way down the block from the fish market and a stall that sold rotting vegetables, was a real eye opener.

    Builds character, I say!

  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well they (Cory, dad and Mandy) are over tearing out and replacing flooring today. They left bright and early this morning. He will be living on bare plywood until he can afford to put down either vinyl squares or find some cheap carpet somewhere but who cares!

    I have told him that I will lend him my counter top roaster thing and will go with them to some second hand stores to see if we can find maybe a toaster oven and an electric frying pan and a few plates, bowls and silverware. I havent had any bites to get him a fridge and stove...sigh. If worse comes to worse he can use a cooler with ice for awhile and save up for a used one.
  16. Woofens

    Woofens New Member

    You might have already thought of this, but have you tried FreeCycle for a stove and fridge? It might be worth checking out if you haven't. You can post for things "wanted"... just an idea
    I don't know your situation since I'm fairly new, but hope everything works out for Cory!

  17. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Well, it might be a dump, but at least it's HIS dump! And who knows ... having his own place might just inspire a little pride and maturity! And at least he will be out of YOUR house! :D
  18. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am SO excited for Cory! This is a BIG deal, to have one's own place. God, I remember my first place like yesterday, I felt so empowered, and independent. There is nothing but good that can come from this! Dump or no dump............independence is the key!
    And for 125.00 a month, uh, I am pretty sure nothing gets better than that.

    So happy for you Janet. Many hugs.
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They worked all day and got about half a room This was one of the harder rooms though. The bathroom and the closet. It was a lot of cutting and complete demolishing. This will be slower going than we had hoped but oh well. Cant do as much next week because Tony has to work some next week so the tools have to go with him. Or at least most of them.

    I am so darned impressed watching Tony do this He just knows exactly what he is doing. Cory paid him a compliment...said he was the
  20. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    First, I'm glad he will be out from under your roof. You don't need the stress and the drama. Second, I'm glad he has to work for this.

    As for the stuff he needs, Freecycle is a good idea and if he has any money at all, you may want to check with appliance stores and also places like Rent-a-Center. Sometimes you can find really good deals on scratch and dent stuff or with the rental places, stuff that still works but doesn't look the best and is hard to rent. Plates, glasses, etc. they can pick up pretty cheap at Goodwill or even Walmart. I've picked up a stack of plastic tumblers for a buck or two and you get 4 or 5 in a stack.