And ... he's HOME AGAIN!!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Feb 12, 2009.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    This is getting ridiculous.

    He said he was dizzy and saw black spots.

    I had carpool so had to leave with-o him.

    I came home and heard footsteps, and I told him, "Oh, you're feeling so much better, you were up."

    "I wansn't running. I wasn't up."

    Hmm. Kitchen computer has mouse attached (apparently husband didn't hide it well enough last night) and the screen has Sims on it. Not the screensaver. :(

    He's already grounded off of PS 2. Now he's grounded off of all electronics.

    I got his math book from school, and his tutor is coming by at 4. There is no escaping me! :mad:
  2. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    You poor thing! You just can't seem to catch a break. Don't our children know we not only enroll them in school for an education but also to GET AWAY FROM THEM???? LOL

    I hope your day goes well. :)
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Yikes. Well, I hope he enjoys this "day off" (not).
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Terry, I think you have to really assess what's going on here.

    Does he have a physical illness that's preventing him from getting to school?
    If not, are his dietary restrictions being adhered to so they're not affecting how he feels?
    If so, is there something at school that's causing him to be anxious, and in turn, want to stay home?
    Are his medications addressing all of his target sx (including allowing him to sleep all night every night)?
    Can therapy address the school issue?

    You need to be a bit of sleuth to figure out what's going on, but I think it's important so that the school refusal doesn't take on a life of its own.
  5. maril

    maril New Member

    Hey, Terry - there's still the idea of that trip to St. Martin I was talking about the other day... (just kidding, lol).

    We have been working with a county-wide home-based child and adolescent support service to help with difficult child's issues, a couple of which are school tardiness and abseenteeism; having them on board has helped somewhat. This is where we ended up because nothing else worked and difficult child can be very combative (as you know) in the a.m. I don't know if it is something you would consider; am only sharing one of our "resources."

    Hugs and encouragement are being sent your way! :peaceful:
  6. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Ahhhh, Terry, torture. I'm so sorry.

    I was thinking anxiety too. How's he doing in the friend dept? My SO's boy, he wouldn't get up and go. Big problems with him (doesn't live with us). Turned out he was getting picked on (he has severe speech delays and isn't hmm, hygenically age appropriate), tripped, kicked, etc. Kids harassing him. It's still an issue.

    We have a holiday here Fri/Mon, so I'm stuck too starting tomorrow. Wanna share a bottle of wine?
  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Terry, I've got difficult child 1 home today, too, and I think it's partly anxiety/stress related. He looked pale when I picked him up yesterday and complained of his stomach hurting. But he certainly felt well enough to watch TV and goof around with his brother last night. So I'm letting him stay home today, but he is going to use the time to catch up on school work (and he's behind enough to be getting F's in at least two classes). No TV. No computer. No Wii. No Nintendo DS. Just good ol' mom! I did play a quick card game with him, though, during a short break a few minutes ago. His only other form of entertainment is to go sit on the patio and watch the chickens :p.

    I found out he has two tests today at school, and I suspect that's part of the anxiety, plus the late assignments, etc. Who knows, he may actually be having belly issues (just hoping his Crohn's isn't flaring up...). But for now, we'll just use this time today to let him catch up.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all.
    No tests today.
    He was sweaty but had no fever.
    He was cranky and complained about everything. Even the dog, the one he loves. :(
    But he's been eating.
    I like the idea of getting svcs, or at least, someone else to come in and get him up in the a.m. Yes, he CAN be combative.

    I was able to paint at a client's a bit today, but only for 2 hrs. Better than nothing. But I really need the $. Don't we all?
  9. maril

    maril New Member

    Terry: Glad you got some work done today. It helps to be involved with other things like work! That's what keeps me focused, anyway.

    I didn't mean that your son was combative; I was referring to my difficult child and had said "as you know" because I had a long post about him the other day, which you kindly responded to. :D My dear son has two different personalities -- Oscar the Grouch in the morning and Big Bird in the evening! Right now, after school, I am seeing the sweet and loving Big Bird. (I didn't watch too much Sesame Street, did I? It first aired when I was 10, so even the big kid that I was, I liked that show.)
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Terry, you did a good thing getting the maths book from school.

    We went through this a lot with difficult child 3. It probably began as long ago as Grade 1 or 2, would be worse at the end of the school year and it only took me four years to finally get the message that the problem was school anxiety/school phobia developing/escalating primarily due to bullying, an inability to cope in a mainstream setting and even teacher bullying.
    It did begin as you describe. And I was fully aware tat difficult child 3 gets into habits FAST! If I ONCE bought him an ice cream at the shops while shopping, he would then expect one every time. In the same way, if he took a day off school by being sick (or seeming to be sick) and he had a more plpeasant day than he would have if he had gone to school, then he got an immediate positive payoff, whichc made it more likely he would do the same thing again.

    Now, difficult child 3 was a kid who honestly wanted to go to school. But he felt sick, genuinely sick. And it was all anxiety, but nxiety which I ignored (cobination of probles, including not recognising it was so extreme) until he really WAS physically, ill; he would be vomiting at the mere mention of school. This took years to develop to the severe levels we had, but I had no help with him and supporting him/reducing the anxiety in that time.

    I could never be sure if difficult child 3 really had a virus, or was simply shamming or talking himself into being sick. Ofgten he would actually have a low-grade fever, as much as a full degree C above normal (which would be 2 degrees F above normal) so the thermometer was no guide. So by Grade 4 (and especially in Grade 5) we had put in rules.
    Now, difficult child 3 was a very bright kid academically, especially in the harder subjects. So I was horrified as I watched him do schoolwork (we began on homework while I waited for the teacher to collect a package to send home) and realised how little he knew, especially in subjects like Geography. He also had never been given extension work in Maths as I had requested, so I went out and bought resources to supplement what I was getting for him to do from the school. That way I never ran out, I always had something for him to do. I had some computer educational software that I let him play with, once he had completed what I felt was sufficient written work. But it was head down, tail up time for the entire school day. If he felt well enough to sit up in bed, he had book work to do. If he didn't feel well enoguh for book work, he could read a school book or watch an educational documentary on TV. If he was feeling too ill and was sleepy, he could get out of work by sleeping. Because I knew - he would only ever sleep in the daytime if he was REALLY sick.
    In this way, I was trying to prevent him bulding up a Pavlovian response to being at home on a school day. Even at a subconscious level, if he got any kind of reward for being home, then he would increasingly feel sick on a school day.

    The end result - we finally realised he needed to be at home (in our case). But by that time, difficult child 3 had done a lot of work at home which helped him catch up academically, on some really nasty educational deficits. Otherwise he would have started high school still not recognising the shape of any country (including our own) on a map. We'd go on holidays and he would ask which country we were driving to (not possible, in Australia). He had no idea of north, south, east or west, before we began this. he had been exposed to it at school, but had simply not taken it on board, and nobody had noticed.

    So this rule above all others, I heartily recommend for any difficult child home sick (or allegedly sick) from school.

    If the kid is consciously "swinging the lead" (called plumbopendulitis in our family) then he won't be able to get back to school fast enough, after a few days of the "mum school" treatment. Not that I was ever nasty or anything; I just made sure that there was no play, no entertainment that wasn't also educational, during school hours. And of course, a kid who was too sick to go to school is far too ill to go play with friends after school that day.

  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, he improved enough tonight to start pinging off the walls and dropping his football onto the teapot and sugar bowl, so L., the tutor, took him out to play basketball and football. They only stayed out for 45 min. but it helped difficult child get some of the ants of out his pants.
    They studied math, and worked on a new concept that the teacher covered in school today, so I was really glad that L. was here because I know how to do this stuff but don't know how to explain it. L. is into memorizing formulas so you can plug in any #s you want. He had difficult child writing 5 basic formulas for area, perimeter, etc. and difficult child seemed fine with-it.

    But if a "regular" friend had come by to ring the doorbell, difficult child would not have been allowed to play.

    I'm catching a cold and have a horrid sore throat. I hope difficult child doesn't get it. But if he does, no one has school Mon. (Presidents' Day) so maybe we can all sleep in.

    P.S. Yes, I asked the tutor to see his licence, since it was the first time he'd taken difficult child anywhere. I felt guilty and we kind of joked about it, but I would have felt equaly guilty for not looking at it. Kind of a no-win situation.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sure this is very hard to deal with, I don't know what I'd do if difficult child started refusing to go to school (it's hard enough to deal with it with my somewhat easy child). Hugs. I do think you did the right thing looking at the driver's license.
  13. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Sending hugs........

    I like the idea of possibly getting some services for him in the morning.
    I almost had to do that with difficult child, because of these same types of issues. In fact I wish I had.
    His thing was migraines, that were real, but then they took a life of their own, and he seemed to have one every other day.
    In reality it was mostly school anxiety, that sometimes manifested into migraines, but not every day - and then he got combative when I pushed the issue.
    I wish I had enlisted outside help now that I look back on it.
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, we all learn eventually. Unfortunately, there's no instruction book for every single scenario.
    difficult child went to school today. Yay!
    I have a cold. Boo!
    I will talk to my husband about getting someone in to help it the a.m., but I can guarantee that his immediate response will be, "With what money?"