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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 626984" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Just checking in to see whether there was anything new, JKF. </p><p></p><p>difficult child daughter told me, when we were trying so hard to get her home and off the streets, that she was having an adventure. In some way I can't describe, that helped me to face it ~ the whole thing, I mean. The homelessness, the viciousness, the begging and drinking and drugging. She wanted zero responsibility. </p><p></p><p>That she was still in there making choices helped me see her less as a helpless victim of circumstance.</p><p></p><p>But there is no way to describe the horror I felt, or the regret.</p><p></p><p>During the worst of times, I would light a candle for my child. A white candle. I would say a prayer or cry or whatever it was I needed to do. Sometimes, that was to hate them for what they were doing to me and to themselves and to all of us. At the end of it, I would envision the candle, a light against the darkness, maybe, oh, maybe...showing my difficult child the way home.</p><p></p><p>It helped me.</p><p></p><p>Neither difficult child had a thought for me as I went through what I did, for their sakes.</p><p></p><p>It gets to be about survival, JKF.</p><p></p><p>But I know what this feels like. Know that I am holding a special thought for you and for your difficult child too, tonight.</p><p></p><p>No one should go through what we go through when we have a child on the streets.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 626984, member: 17461"] Just checking in to see whether there was anything new, JKF. difficult child daughter told me, when we were trying so hard to get her home and off the streets, that she was having an adventure. In some way I can't describe, that helped me to face it ~ the whole thing, I mean. The homelessness, the viciousness, the begging and drinking and drugging. She wanted zero responsibility. That she was still in there making choices helped me see her less as a helpless victim of circumstance. But there is no way to describe the horror I felt, or the regret. During the worst of times, I would light a candle for my child. A white candle. I would say a prayer or cry or whatever it was I needed to do. Sometimes, that was to hate them for what they were doing to me and to themselves and to all of us. At the end of it, I would envision the candle, a light against the darkness, maybe, oh, maybe...showing my difficult child the way home. It helped me. Neither difficult child had a thought for me as I went through what I did, for their sakes. It gets to be about survival, JKF. But I know what this feels like. Know that I am holding a special thought for you and for your difficult child too, tonight. No one should go through what we go through when we have a child on the streets. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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