And I completely lost it...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by elizabrary, Apr 15, 2011.

  1. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    So of course I could not actually follow the advice to "smile and nod" and when Kat called tonight I lost it. I was doing ok, just kind of going with-the conversation- whatever. Then she asks if I will keep K overnight on May 10 because it's IG's birthday. So I told her I have a work trip that day and I work the following day, so no I won't keep the baby. Then I ask if that's why she's been calling and chatting me up lately, so that I would watch K. She actually said, "Why would you say that? That's mean." So I freakin' lost it. I told her exactly why I would say that and everything that I'm angry about and she called me a liar, which got me even madder. So I was on the phone screaming like an insane person, which of course does no good for anyone. She told me I was acting all innocent when I have taken advantage of her too. I was astounded and asked what she meant. When she was staying here the last time I told her she needed to pay 1/2 the bills. She said she would just fill my propane tank- which was about $600. So over the course of 4 months she paid me a grand total of $600- a bargain if you ask me. But according to her I couldn't pay that money and she bailed me out, so I was using her for her money. OMG- PUHLEEZ!!!! I finally just hung up on her.

    At any rate, this is just more a cathartic rant than anything because now I'm still mad and I won't sleep well tonight. I can't really talk to anyone else about this because they don't get it, so here I am posting more insanity! Will it never end? And when will I learn to deal with this more positively, just for my own sake? ARGGGHHHHH!:grrr:
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    been there done that with Nichole last year when she went off the deep end after bff's death. I could do the ignore, the smile and nod, even the explaining to family members not to egg her on as she was spiraling out of control with grief..........But when she got to the point she was going to pull Aubrey into the drama........Momma blew the gasket of all gaskets and trust me it wasn't pretty by any means.

    It happens, even when you've had many years of detachment practice. Sometimes they press the wrong button at the wrong moment and wham! in my opinion every once in a while, when they push that button maybe it's something it's time they hear. It won't sink in while she's mad, but it might sink in a bit and give her something to think about when she calms down.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911

    It has come to my attention over the years that people like your daughter become very versed in the art of not fighting fair. Isn't it interesting that they are NOT able to be thankful, humble, appreciative, or that they can remember any little kindness or seem to possess the tiniest bit of grattitude -like the world owes them a kiss on the kiester, but let them do one itsy, bitsy, little thing for you? One miniscule, microscopic thing in the scheme of life? And all of a sudden it's the pantheon of gifts? You should fall on your knees like they brought you frankenscense, gold and myrh. AND - their inability to remember to do anything FOR you is almost non-existant, but let them get into a heated argument nineteen months later and that one itsy, bitsy little thing they did do for you nineteen months ago will spring forth to the front of their tiny brains as if it were yesterday!?

    I maintain - difficult child's have selective seretonin reupslap (hit forehead with palm of hand) inhibitive argumentive induced brains.

    IE: I providea house, roof, windows, door, rent, electric, gas, water,cable, phone, cellphone, internet, cable,food, stove, sink, running water, fridge, kitchen, bathroom, shower, soap, washcloth, towel, your bedroom, curtains, blinds, carpet, a bed,bed frame, mattress, boxsprings, sheets, pillowcase, blanket, heat, air,
    television, remote control, furniture, lightbulbs, cleaning supplies, plugins, carpetfresh, doorknobs, security, a dog, dogfood, dogbowl, washing machine, dryer, laundry detergent, fabric softener, bleach, dryer sheets, shout, plates, cups, bowls, silverware, pots, pans, utensils, diningroom table, chairs, ceiling fans, living room furniture, pictures, stereo, telephone, computer, printer, router, chair to sit in, desk to sit it on....a car, gas, insurance, wall clock, and many many other
    a toilet, a tub, a shower - toilet paper - shampoo, conditioner, medicine, my company, and I ask you - to take out the garbage, and pay the propane bill once a month - and what do I get?
    GRIEF......pure, unadultarated, smart mouthed, foul language, and grief coupled with "Mom, Momma, Momma, Mommy, Mom, Mamama, Mommy, Mom, Momma, Mommy will you pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee watch my baby so I can --------------?" and then more FOUL language and then the one little itty bitty teenie tiney favor you did for me you throw up in my face......and on top of that you ungrateful, so and so - you want to call ME a liar?

    WOW - thanks a bunch. Gosh, can you hang on just a second please? Because I want to go get my check book RIGHT NOW - and write you out a check for that $600.00 so that I don't owe YOU a thing! Because if that's what it takes for you to realize YOU don't get to speak to ME like that for $600.00 BUCKS? Then you should just get in your car, and trot right on over here and get it missy - then I don't want you, or your mouth to ever come within 20 miles of ever speaking to me with that level of disrespect ever again. And with that $600.00 I hope you go and enroll in a course for improving your memory because if you are that short sighted that you forget about all the things I did for you? Then I'd suggest you stay far, FAR away from here until you grow a new respect for me because I will NOT be talked to like that by you or anyone else EVER again - YOU GOT THAT. I'm not your door mat or anyone elses - and I won't have my Granddaughter be used like that either and if that means I don't get to see her? So be it - but this business of using her to get things YOU want stops now - EITHER YOU want me to see her or you don't. It's that simple, But I will see her on MY time - NOT yours and at MY convenience - NOT YOURS.

    and at the end of this? she asks you when she can come get her check? Tell her she just needs to come and get it on the FIFTH Saturday of the Month - of any Month of the year - same as when you believe HER appreciation for others will grow past the size of a peanut, and her attitude toward you and everyone else in life will improve.

    YUP -
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Oh, sorry... been there done that for sure. It's definitely difficult to have any sort of meaningful conversation with them without blowing up when honesty is on the line. I've had - and regretted - those conversations with L. I won't have them with M. I know how draining it can be. I hope that you won't let it color how you feel about your relationship with her. Bad conversations happen, and we move on. You'll have other opportunities for better talks.
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Star.... the 5th Saturday would be April 30th.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    hmmmmmm hadn't considered that.........then.....the 12th of Never. (that should fix it) lol

    See? This is why I have cool friends that r smart.
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    5th Saturday of February???
  8. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Don't beat yourself up for losing it. been there done that. It takes a lot of practice to step back before opening our mouths, especially because these difficult child's are so good at pushing our buttons.