And I finally called J's parents too since they suddenly want her for Thanksgiving

[BusynMember]

The last time I saw his parents, Father bounded down the stands of a football stadium, where J. was playing a game, to tell me and Jumper that Jumper was responsible for everything bad in the world...hunger, the Tsunami, the low job rate etc. and his sister gave her friend the middle finger salute when Friend turned around and happened to lock eyes with her.

Now J. is begging Jumper to go to T-giving with him because his parents are starting to get scared (GOOD!) and are really afraid that he will leave them. So I guess inviting Jumper to Thanksgiving is part of their showing him that they want to get along...I think. The fact is, this is a very strange family and I was going back and forth on whether or not to allow it. Jumper didn't want to go at first, but now does want to go to make things easier for J. My hub is neutral on it. So I'm the only one with angst. Jumper explained last night that they would be back in time for OUR Thanksgiving later in the day, whicih made me feel tons better, but I still have reservations about J's family...and their motives. His parents never told J. that they were wrong about Jumper. So this is what I did. It was sort of in between what I wanted to do and not allowing her to go at all.

Today, which is a day off of work, I called the landline at thier house and left a not unfriendly and rather short message on their voicemai, explaining that I understood that Jumper was invited for thanksgiving, but that we would have to talk before we allowed her to go. I did bring up that last time we saw each other it was messy and that we wanted to know why they changed their minds so that we could be sure Jumper would be safe and I also added that they would have to provide a ride for the kids (hub and I are tired of doing all the back and forth driving...hub has just had more eye surgery and he can't drive at night now. I'm afraid to drive on dark country roads at night). I left my number and said that either one could call...I did not care who. My tone was EXTREMELY calm, almost flat. I made it clear that if they did not call us, Jumper could not go; that another letter would not be acceptable.

I actually don't think either will call, which will effectively end Jumper's Thanksgiving at J's house, but I truly hope they do.

Do you think I handled this well? Never did I expect my daughter to get this emotionally involved with a young man this early in her life, but the fact is...she is...and he is too. I'm trying to do the best I can.

 

[KTMom91]

Sounds to me like you just want some clarification, and that's perfectly fine. Do you really want them driving Jumper around, though? Especially at night? I understand you guys are tired of doing all the driving, but still...

 

[BusynMember]

I actulally want them to let J. drive. He has his own license and is a great, careful and, as J. puts it, slow driver. But, yes, we have no interest in driving them anymore. Thankfully, J. gets his own care near his birthday (Dec. 5th). Hub's eye surgery makes it really hard for him to see and I am extremely nervous in the dark on unlit roads. We have been driving him back and forth for months and don't want to do it on Thanksgiving too. We DO have holiday plans, even if it is just the four of us (Hub, me, Sonic and Jumper). It is 45 min. up and back to his place.
If J. can't drive and nobody else will, she can't go. I am not afraid of their driving. I am afraid of the possibility that Jumper may be treated poorly at a family event where she is outnumbered by a big family.

 

[buddy]

Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. You had already told them how you feel and since the issue has been pressed, you can't all of a sudden say, it's okie dokie...that would not be fair to you.... As long as you are being honest and not vindictive (which it sounds like you are not, and you would actually have a right to be) then they should be adults and talk to you honestly. If they dont, then you have your answer I guess. I think you were very brave.

 

[BusynMember]

Actually, after the football game yellfest in which Father and Aunt yelled and Jumper and I stayed quiet, we never told them anything or communicated with them again. So this is a first.

 

[buddy]

Oh, my memory today is really off. I thought for some reason you had said something to them, maybe I am remembering what you were feeling about the situaiton. Well, still it was very brave and mature. I am so conflict-avoidant (is that a made up word???) and I love learning from many of you how to be more direct and face situations honestly.

 

[susiestar]

I think you did VERY well. My only reservation with having them drive would be that they seem to have sudden bursts of anger and that is NOT something I want a driver to have iwth my kid in the car. At least their actions at that football game seem to show some anger issues to me, as do the other things you have told us about how they treat J. I might insist that J needs to drive her because you know that he is a safe driver and you only let her be in a car with a driver that you know is safe and reliable. I wouldn't say that they are not, just that you don't know their driving history and you do know J's.

To some extent this needs to be Jumper's decision, but you have to keep her safety in mind, and not just on the road. That family is off somehow, and there is no telling how they will behave on a holiday. Holidays can bring out the worst in people for some reason, Know what I mean??