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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
And I'm a wreck again. (kinda long)
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<blockquote data-quote="Ironbutterfly" data-source="post: 676804" data-attributes="member: 19951"><p>I read on another website for enabling adult children. It mentioned about not even visiting them in jail, funding a phone account, commissary account because in doing so, it gives them some comfort of the reality of their place in jail. If they get something for being there it doesn't get them at rock bottom of totally losing even contact with family members. To get them truly to think, feel remorse, want to change, you have to totally disengage so they can feel the total loss and see how they got to this point. </p><p></p><p>Now, I didn't know about this advice when son was in jail past summer. I did fund phone account and commissary. I did not visit him. I did not write. I am not sure what I will do if he gets arrested again. I can see pros and cons to being there and not being there. </p><p></p><p>If it were me, I would write back a short note saying " I received your letter and wish the best for you in your life". Reason being is you are not sure if he is just talking or truly feels remorse and you don't want to get hovered again, sucked in again with hope that he may finally get it only to have that hope squashed. Be kind but cautious.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ironbutterfly, post: 676804, member: 19951"] I read on another website for enabling adult children. It mentioned about not even visiting them in jail, funding a phone account, commissary account because in doing so, it gives them some comfort of the reality of their place in jail. If they get something for being there it doesn't get them at rock bottom of totally losing even contact with family members. To get them truly to think, feel remorse, want to change, you have to totally disengage so they can feel the total loss and see how they got to this point. Now, I didn't know about this advice when son was in jail past summer. I did fund phone account and commissary. I did not visit him. I did not write. I am not sure what I will do if he gets arrested again. I can see pros and cons to being there and not being there. If it were me, I would write back a short note saying " I received your letter and wish the best for you in your life". Reason being is you are not sure if he is just talking or truly feels remorse and you don't want to get hovered again, sucked in again with hope that he may finally get it only to have that hope squashed. Be kind but cautious. [/QUOTE]
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And I'm a wreck again. (kinda long)
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