And I'm back...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by elizabrary, Sep 4, 2012.

  1. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    I've been off here for awhile because I needed to get away, but now I'm back. About 3 weeks ago Kat ended up in the psychiatric ward for 4 days, which meant I had KK. As most of you probably know they don't keep you in the psychiatric ward long with-o insurance, so I was surprised they kept her that long, but she is nuts. They diagnosed her with-depression/anxiety disorder, put her on some medications and got her in a support group and into a counselor. Prior to all this going on she has eviction proceedings filed against her and she was living in the nastiest, last ditch place in town. She no longer has a job. I had not had much contact with-her because it was too chaotic and stressful. When she got out and we went to her apt to get some of her stuff I almost died at how disgusting the apt. was. It was filthy, stuff thrown everywhere, rotten food sitting out, dirty dishes all over. I couldn't believe how bad it was. I also found out what prompted her to have this breakdown was that she got drunk and went to some guy's work (a friend with-benefits who she wanted more with) and got in an argument with him and hit him. So she doesn't lose it over have nothing and getting evicted with a 2-year-old, but over some POS guy. Of course!

    So she and KK are currently back at my house- oh joy! I wrote out a list of what is necessary to stay at my house and explained if she had more than 3 instances of non-compliance I would give her a move out date. The other night she went to a movie (or so she said) at 10:30 and said she would be home by 1. She got home at 2:30. The next day I told her I wouldn't babysit anymore except for her appointments. She asked why and when I didn't answer and just went about my business she let it drop. She got re-accepted to the culinary school she had planned to attend before getting pregnant by another POS guy. They accepted her again and she found out the tuition is $25,000 per year and she would have to move about 800 miles away. She told me it wasn't fair that me and her dad (who just got fired from his job!) didn't pay her tuition. She explained that we live in a college town and she knows nearly everybody else's parents pay their tuition. Really? I told her if she wanted to go bad enough she'll figure it out and left it at that. I have no idea if she's compliant with-her medications. If so I don't hold out hope that she will be long-term. We've been through this before.

    The only good thing is I work full time and teach at the local university, so I have at least one 13 hour day per week. I've been loading her up with-my chores and errands. I also take the dogs to daycare on my longest day, so she picks them up for me. Of course I don't even trust her with-the money to pay for the dogs, so I take care of that ahead of time. Good Lord, she's 22 years old and still living like this. It's like having a 14 year old with a toddler. Not a good combination. I have been maintaining my detachment much better than in the past, which has usually been hard for me, especially when they are living here. Having KK here is fun, but the situation is not the best. If Kat didn't have the baby I would have never let her come home. She's still bascially an idiot, although she has much less mouth and attitude on her this time. I told her she has to start looking for a job, which she has to do anyway to get her welfare benefits. OK, just had to get all of this out because even though I have a few friends who "understand" nobody really understands like the people here!
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    As you know I have been there done that in similar although not identical ways. You have my caring understand support from afar. It can, literally, be endless and I truly hope you are able to have success protecting your grandchild while living the life you deserve. Hugs. DDD
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    hugs to you, that is such a challenge. I hope she can hold it together for a while at least....
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Having the grandchildren stuck in the middle is the worst of it all. I, too, hope there is some possible way to protect KK from her mother's chaotic behaviors.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Howdaaaaay!. You know, when you write from your heart - and let it pour you really are a great writer. I enjoyed reading your update; however roller coaster, off and throw=up your life may be at this point? I see remarkable strides in your detachment. BRAVO m'lady. Bravo!

    I'm not sure which gets my knickers in a wad faster. Their sense of entitlement (YOU SHOULD SEND ME TO COLLEGE BECAUSE) or their absolute lack of responsibility (OH yeah I have not ever completed a single thing in my life, so Oh WELL just keep forking it out for me until I find something that sticks like flapjacks on a painted wall) ......Lord, I'm so not a flapjack flipper any more. (grunts and exhales - I think my own eyes would roll without my knowledge if I funded one more excursion for the USS IHOP (that's my boy and thats International House of Partial) as in partially completed things in life we TRIED to stand behind him and encourage him HOPING, PRAYING, LIVING that something would eventually be "THE THING" he would take to and do. So far I think I should be the Mother of an extremely accomplished Astronaut, Veterinarian, BMX pro circuit racer, novelist, oh and who could forget his career as a small appliance fixer, and a RAP star.....(gacks a little) ----an Auto Mechanic, a Bicycle repair person....(all worthy goals to be sure) but really - "Mom I get bored, or Mom you don't understand they don't like me, or MOM I'm not doing this - it's stupid! Over and over - the excuses build and now my ears listen only to the soothing sounds of my sanity trying to sneak away when I get the suggestion to "HELP ME - NO ONE ELSE WILL, YOU'RE ALL I HAVE." ----and I think (OH JOY LUCKY ME) Can't we spin a bottle or draw short straw for someone else to fund your FUN?

    And its' not like I had high aspirations - WELL I take that back....Birth to three---sure. Then as they develop personalities or rather MOODS....I realized that MY goals and HIS were polar opposites. I wanted him to be well behaved, he wanted to act like a babbons hiney. I wanted him to get an education and graduate. HE wanted to act like a babboons hiney. I lowered my expectations once more - and just prayed for A child that stayed out of the penile system, and he went running screaming towards it and nearly ended up on an Episode of COPS. (and trust me that's NOT what I had in mind when I looked at him from day one and thought - MAYBE a movie star he was so handsome) ......He got the "acting" part of the career down - but never put it to good making himself a nest egg.

    And now? At the end of what I call FLY LITTLE BIRD FLY....I am left looking like a molting 48 year old Parrot....LONGING for my days of flying CAREFREE and wild...not waiting for this bird child of mine to make up his goofy, I'm not sure what I want to be mind. (plucks out another feather - oh really she's pregnant?)

    All I can say is in the middle of all this somewhere like you, I got a chance to see things clearly-----I'm not sure if it was the drugs I'm on (thank you welbutrin) or the therapy I had, or the detachment lessons from having my nose cut off to spite my face at my own hands....but somewhow I managed to step out of the guilty MOm shadow and actually live a little of my life before it's over. And when I did that? So many things became a reality to my son. A.) Mom isn't funding my "dream" so what dream I do pick I better find funding of my own...and B.) Mom's just flat tired. And now she's grumpy, and has a voice, and has no qualms about walking away without explaination. I swear I want someone to start PAYING me .....LITERALLY handing me a dollar bill - everytime I have to explain ANYTHING now. Because it takes so much of my energy. I'm just THAT tired of BS.

    All in all - it's rounded out my personality to be a really good operator dealing with the most UNBELIEVABLE misfits -----but like I told them in my interview - YOU can't throw anything at me and get MY jaw to drop. been there done that - and didn't get paid for it. But I am now. lol.

    YOU KEEP HANGING TOUGH --------and maybe you should check into what it takes to get full custody (I think again) of KK. Maybe as a just in case.

    Hugs & Love
    Missed having you and the Weimeriner around.