And I'm officially done being a parent.
- Thread starter SeaGenieTx
- Start date
TheWalrus
I Am The Walrus
Anger is easier. I wish I could stay angry all the time. Or feel nothing at all. It is so much easier than guilt, sadness, depression, regret...emotions that strike hard without rhyme or reason.
And my daughter has given me so many reasons to be angry. She has lied to my face more times than I can count. Lied ABOUT me to manipulate others, garner sympathy, hurt me... She has manipulated me and tricked me, abused my attempts to help her by doing drugs while in my house (ah...how that hurts...to know I was that blind and stupid). She has screamed in my faced, hurled baseless accusations, purposely embarrassed me publicly, cursed me...the never-ending list of "gifts" of the Difficult Child.
Then out of nowhere, just when I think anger has burned me to ash...my humanity and mother instincts crash over me like a wave and I am drowning. Two nights ago, for no reason, I crawled into bed, turned off the light and sobbed uncontrollably into my pillows. All I could think of was where I was sleeping vs. where she was. And it literally tore me to pieces.
The next day brought contact - I hadn't heard from her in days - needing something. That is the only time she initiates contact is to ask/demand something or try to obligate me in some way. She was fine. Her situation bothers her not at all - until I don't give in. She is only "bothered" by her choices when her plans don't go her way.
I didn't hang up angry, but with skin a little thicker, a little tougher. I slept just fine last night.
Hang in there...
And my daughter has given me so many reasons to be angry. She has lied to my face more times than I can count. Lied ABOUT me to manipulate others, garner sympathy, hurt me... She has manipulated me and tricked me, abused my attempts to help her by doing drugs while in my house (ah...how that hurts...to know I was that blind and stupid). She has screamed in my faced, hurled baseless accusations, purposely embarrassed me publicly, cursed me...the never-ending list of "gifts" of the Difficult Child.
Then out of nowhere, just when I think anger has burned me to ash...my humanity and mother instincts crash over me like a wave and I am drowning. Two nights ago, for no reason, I crawled into bed, turned off the light and sobbed uncontrollably into my pillows. All I could think of was where I was sleeping vs. where she was. And it literally tore me to pieces.
The next day brought contact - I hadn't heard from her in days - needing something. That is the only time she initiates contact is to ask/demand something or try to obligate me in some way. She was fine. Her situation bothers her not at all - until I don't give in. She is only "bothered" by her choices when her plans don't go her way.
I didn't hang up angry, but with skin a little thicker, a little tougher. I slept just fine last night.
Hang in there...
SeaGenieTx
Active Member
Hopeful97 - huge THANK YOU! It's been so much easier now that I've been back at work this week and the holidays are over. My son supposedly started a job on Monday. Today he texted me that he needed his social security card and to put it in my mailbox that he would come get it. No please or thank you just a text "Need my social security card can you put it in the mailbox?". Got it, put it in an envelope and put it in the mailbox. Done.
Guess that could be a good sign that he is actually working. I don't know. He won't share any information with me and I'm not going to ask. The job he was telling me about was working as a plumber's apprentice. His friend is doing that thru a temp agency and making good money. I hate to say it but I can't see my son doing manual labor at all, if it involves hard work he comes up with a gazillion excuses and whines/complains.
Whatever. I'm just taking it day by day. Now I've got this annoying neighbor lady who moved in next to me and won't stop calling me for favors. She is in her 70's and just called me a minute ago asking me if I had a beer can opener. I was like "I just got out of the shower and it's 9:30pm, no I don't have one". She goes "Well then I guess I won't have a glass of (whatever). Sorry lady, I'm not your personal helper. She's called me to come down and help her button the back of her dress (why she couldn't get her friend who was coming to pick her up to do it, not sure), water her plants while she is out of town, gather up her mail if her mailbox gets full.... She texted me at 9:45 on Christmas Eve "Can I use your dryer, would you believe mine stopped working?"... Lady its Christmas Eve! I texted her back no, that I wasn't home. I am just not a chatty neighbor, I never intrude or ask people I barely know for help. Before her daughter who drives a huge black truck came to visit her and parked her truck behind my drive where I couldn't back out in my car. I called the neighborhood Constable and he told her she was parked in a No Parking zone. I mean, you move in and just intrude and take over other people's space? I'm in NO MOOD to be nice and at her beck and call. Ugh, I'm done helping other people. Sorry - it's all about me right now, leave me alone lady. LOL.
Thanks for listening - all of you. This is my therapy. Now I need to catch up and read what all of you are posting. I care about you guys very much (just not the outside world).
Guess that could be a good sign that he is actually working. I don't know. He won't share any information with me and I'm not going to ask. The job he was telling me about was working as a plumber's apprentice. His friend is doing that thru a temp agency and making good money. I hate to say it but I can't see my son doing manual labor at all, if it involves hard work he comes up with a gazillion excuses and whines/complains.
Whatever. I'm just taking it day by day. Now I've got this annoying neighbor lady who moved in next to me and won't stop calling me for favors. She is in her 70's and just called me a minute ago asking me if I had a beer can opener. I was like "I just got out of the shower and it's 9:30pm, no I don't have one". She goes "Well then I guess I won't have a glass of (whatever). Sorry lady, I'm not your personal helper. She's called me to come down and help her button the back of her dress (why she couldn't get her friend who was coming to pick her up to do it, not sure), water her plants while she is out of town, gather up her mail if her mailbox gets full.... She texted me at 9:45 on Christmas Eve "Can I use your dryer, would you believe mine stopped working?"... Lady its Christmas Eve! I texted her back no, that I wasn't home. I am just not a chatty neighbor, I never intrude or ask people I barely know for help. Before her daughter who drives a huge black truck came to visit her and parked her truck behind my drive where I couldn't back out in my car. I called the neighborhood Constable and he told her she was parked in a No Parking zone. I mean, you move in and just intrude and take over other people's space? I'm in NO MOOD to be nice and at her beck and call. Ugh, I'm done helping other people. Sorry - it's all about me right now, leave me alone lady. LOL.
Thanks for listening - all of you. This is my therapy. Now I need to catch up and read what all of you are posting. I care about you guys very much (just not the outside world).
Hopeful97
Active Member
SeaGenie, I think you are doing the right thing with son as little as contact as possible, that is what I am trying to do because I know that distance really helps. Sorry about the neighbor lady, I hope things get better on that front. Going through an emotional roller coaster with my Difficult Child right now and it sucks, trying to put that distance there again because it was so much better when it was there. I don't have a lot to say except that we are here for you and we care about you very much, keep posting.
HUGS, Hopeful
HUGS, Hopeful
