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...and it all falls apart
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 630866" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Lil, he is acting like a baby. I find it hard to believe he couldn't have filled out applications and I don't buy his excuse that he is afraid to tell you things. That is the stuff ten year olds pull and they don't always mean it. He knows you feel sorry for him so he manipulates you into thinking he is so unhappy with himself that he can't look for a job. What kind of nonsense is that? I hate to bring this up again, but my autistic son looked for a job and he's pretty insecure with people. He doesn't want to work. That's the bottom line. He is also probably getting money in illegal ways, even if you don't want to believe it. He is probably using drugs that you don't know about. My daughter did all this and it never crossed my mind that she would. The only reason I finally found out was because life got hard for her (no money, no home, no car, nothing) and she quit. Then she told us everything and shocked us. She had actually been using meth. And psychodelics. We never would have guessed. However, even during drug days she DID work because she got nothing from us. in my opinion a psychiatrist is fine along with getting a job. He has more going on than just insecurity. You can face it or not, but this kid has lots of extra stuff in his life that you probably don't know anything about.</p><p></p><p>You are not me or any one of us, but if this were my kid, he'd be packed and gone. He is lying to you, playing games with you, doing nothing productive and refusing to grow up. If he does live with you, in my opinion again (others may disagree) I think he should have to do his own cooking and cleaning and laundry and everything. I don't think he should ever have access to your car. He's not looking for jobs. I would not buy him clothes for job hunting. I went to Walmart to pick up a paper applicatio and was told they don't do paper applications. Puzzled, I went to McD's. Same thing. I went to many places and it's all online so he doesn't need any clothes for that. I don't believe he hit a glitch with KMart. I think it is another lie. Why is he so special that he can't fill out an online application like everyone else does? That's how you get hired.</p><p></p><p>How do I know? I lived with a chronic liar and boy was he good at lying. Your son's ability to sound helpless and a victim while lying is familiar to me. My son still does it sometimes. He is 36. Am I 100% sure your son is the same? Of course not, but your son does not sound like he is heading in the right direction in any way and if you don't push him to grow up, who will? Well, the rest of the world will. He will become ostracized. Nobody wants to hang around with a jobless adult unless he is also a jobless adult and usually they are on drugs. He is going to fall further and further behind his peers and it will get harder and harder for him to live a normal life. And guess what? You can't live forever. Then what?</p><p></p><p>I hope this isn't too harsh. It just seems to me like, in the back of it all, you still see him as this bumbling little boy who is in tears because somebody teased him rather than a grown man who made some terrible decisions, lies to you, refuses to work, and is playing games with your head. You think if you raise his self-esteem he will change. Only he can raise his self-esteem and it will raise if he starts doing things for himself.</p><p></p><p>The only person you can fix is yourself. If it were me, he sure as hello would have gone back to that job fair after I paid for his ID. Why didn't you make him? I admit I'm a little puzzled with all this, but I think the biggest problem is your relationship with your own self. I think you think of yourself still as "mommy" to a little boy and you are the woman who gave birth to a now grown man who does not need a mommy anymore. I could be way off here. I apologize if I am and I do wish all of you the best of luck. I hope you can learn to live your life and let go of the urge to fix this man. I really do. With all my heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 630866, member: 1550"] Lil, he is acting like a baby. I find it hard to believe he couldn't have filled out applications and I don't buy his excuse that he is afraid to tell you things. That is the stuff ten year olds pull and they don't always mean it. He knows you feel sorry for him so he manipulates you into thinking he is so unhappy with himself that he can't look for a job. What kind of nonsense is that? I hate to bring this up again, but my autistic son looked for a job and he's pretty insecure with people. He doesn't want to work. That's the bottom line. He is also probably getting money in illegal ways, even if you don't want to believe it. He is probably using drugs that you don't know about. My daughter did all this and it never crossed my mind that she would. The only reason I finally found out was because life got hard for her (no money, no home, no car, nothing) and she quit. Then she told us everything and shocked us. She had actually been using meth. And psychodelics. We never would have guessed. However, even during drug days she DID work because she got nothing from us. in my opinion a psychiatrist is fine along with getting a job. He has more going on than just insecurity. You can face it or not, but this kid has lots of extra stuff in his life that you probably don't know anything about. You are not me or any one of us, but if this were my kid, he'd be packed and gone. He is lying to you, playing games with you, doing nothing productive and refusing to grow up. If he does live with you, in my opinion again (others may disagree) I think he should have to do his own cooking and cleaning and laundry and everything. I don't think he should ever have access to your car. He's not looking for jobs. I would not buy him clothes for job hunting. I went to Walmart to pick up a paper applicatio and was told they don't do paper applications. Puzzled, I went to McD's. Same thing. I went to many places and it's all online so he doesn't need any clothes for that. I don't believe he hit a glitch with KMart. I think it is another lie. Why is he so special that he can't fill out an online application like everyone else does? That's how you get hired. How do I know? I lived with a chronic liar and boy was he good at lying. Your son's ability to sound helpless and a victim while lying is familiar to me. My son still does it sometimes. He is 36. Am I 100% sure your son is the same? Of course not, but your son does not sound like he is heading in the right direction in any way and if you don't push him to grow up, who will? Well, the rest of the world will. He will become ostracized. Nobody wants to hang around with a jobless adult unless he is also a jobless adult and usually they are on drugs. He is going to fall further and further behind his peers and it will get harder and harder for him to live a normal life. And guess what? You can't live forever. Then what? I hope this isn't too harsh. It just seems to me like, in the back of it all, you still see him as this bumbling little boy who is in tears because somebody teased him rather than a grown man who made some terrible decisions, lies to you, refuses to work, and is playing games with your head. You think if you raise his self-esteem he will change. Only he can raise his self-esteem and it will raise if he starts doing things for himself. The only person you can fix is yourself. If it were me, he sure as hello would have gone back to that job fair after I paid for his ID. Why didn't you make him? I admit I'm a little puzzled with all this, but I think the biggest problem is your relationship with your own self. I think you think of yourself still as "mommy" to a little boy and you are the woman who gave birth to a now grown man who does not need a mommy anymore. I could be way off here. I apologize if I am and I do wish all of you the best of luck. I hope you can learn to live your life and let go of the urge to fix this man. I really do. With all my heart. [/QUOTE]
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