...and it all falls apart.

[Jabberwockey]

He does seem to be trying to grow up. No?

He is growing up. Slowly. There is definite progress from when he came home from "college" two years ago. Like with pretty much everyone else's Difficult Child, its been in fits and spurts. You know the routing, one step forward, ten steps back, three forward, one back. Sounds kind of like a twisted version of the Hokey Pokey doesn't it? They can turn us around on a regular basis, that's for sure.

 

[Lil]

When the money is done ( 2 weeks) he will ne calling to come home.

Oh don't jinx me! I've been hoping for at least a month!

 

[Lil]

Glad to talk to you Jabber and Lil.

Copa! It's So good to see you! What's going on with you and your son?

I hope things work out for mine. I've worried there was more to this. I've wondered if he got in trouble and spent the money on bail. I've wondered if he owes someone money. But all I can do if just assume he's made a choice to move. Period. He seemed rather sure he'll be able to figure something out.

Time will tell.

 

[A dad]

Did he finished his community hours he has to do?

 

[Lil]

Oh yes. He was fine there.

I actually just got a call. He's in Colorado. But he has to go clear to New Mexico then back again into Colorado. Long trip but he was in good spirits.

 

[Copabanana]

He's in Colorado. But he has to go clear to New Mexico

Hi Lil.

What good news!! No wonder he sounds happy. This is an adventure. I am happy for you both.

He can do this. I know it.

No matter the reasons he chose to leave--even if it is the need to get out of town quick. He did it which is the right choice. And anything to let those deadbeat "friends" show their true colors, is a step in the right direction, for my way of thinking. I can truly understand why he did not want to "snitch." So better, to start a new.

In the smallish city where you live, what really could he have done-at least at this point of his life. He needs to build himself first, decide who and what he will be, which is exactly what he is doing. He is defining himself. And to choose to be different from and far away from these two deadbeats is a good move, in my book.

OK. We would have hoped that his fledgling self-definition not be around legal pot, but hey--we have to start where we are.

I missed the latest girlfriend part. It is encouraging he gets so attached. (OK. I can see the downside, too, but there is an upside.)

I hope you can relax. I have been reading all kinds of novels--mysteries, suspense, etc. Completely avoiding reality. All historical (and hysterical, which I first wrote-Freudian slip.)

Thank you for asking about us. Maybe I will start a new thread in the next day or two. I am feeling a bit over my head. I missed you guys.

 

[1905]

I am honestly very proud of your son. He went away and tried to be independant before. He met unsavory people and learned some life lessons, he worked, came back , learned more.

Now he is more prepared, he knows what it's gonna take, he knows what he has at your house isn't working. You know, I think he's so much more ready, willing, and able than ever. You and Jabber...you're good parents, he is gonna be ok.

I had a restraining against my own boy. He had to right his own life, I couldn't be destroyed or fix him. My son just bought a beautiful home and he is married, he has my 2 grandchildren. Thank goodness I did what I did, he is the better for it. He probably would still be living on my couch playing video games without that restraining order. I feel your boy is gonna be fine.

 

[Lil]

1905 Thank you SO much! I needed that this morning. Today he has to check out of the hotel by noon - unless he spends another $50 he really doesn't have. It's so scary to not know where he's going or what he's doing. He had plans to meet up with people thru "Meet Me" or by chatting up the workers at the shops, etc.

I keep telling myself over and over that he's a grown up and this is his life and I'm sure there's at least one soup kitchen in a city that size so he's not going to starve and he's in the desert, so he's not going to freeze. Silly, but I have to keep reminding myself. If I'd been him, I'd have done so much research it's nuts, have been calling people listing rooms for rent on Craigslist, and would spend a couple hundred for a month of a room-share so I'd have a base of operation to look for work, etc.

But, clearly, I'm an obsessive planner.

But he'll be fine. (Say it again Lil)
He'll be fine.

 

[mof]

You just have to say it. I admit...WE would do things differently...they do things their way.

We didn't have meet me, internet...can u imagine having your Difficult Child child leave and there were no cell phones...media etc...

He is driven...and seems to know when he needs help. He has a PLAN, for you it's weak...for him. " he's got this"...

Let's have faith!
Hugs

 

[Lil]

On a lighter note, he set up a Facebook page using an alias to keep in touch with a few of his friends. He won't let me friend him of course , but his profile picture he chose is the same as my avatar on this site - him hitching. I found that kind of funny.

Also kind of interesting. To me that photo is an illustration of him just "drifting". To him? Who knows?

 

[Lil]

Yeah, okay, I couldn't help myself.

I sent my son a text saying I hoped he'd enjoyed the hotel and things work out from here, and asking him to text me every few days...didn't need to do it every day...and tell me he's alive and well, and that I loved him. He said "I'll text fairly often, so don't worry", and that he loved me too.

You are all right...for now at least, he's got this.

Also, J had finally Facebook messaged me, begging to know if my son was okay, saying he was terrified for my son because he was missing, he was his best friend, etc., and that he'd realized (under the circumstances of my son being in real danger right now) that he hadn't been treating him like a friend lately, etc. I considered ignoring it, but I decided to send a brief message telling him my son was fine, he'd moved away from this town to start life over where no one knew him, to not ask where, because I wouldn't tell him and that if my son wanted contact with him, he knew how.

Hopefully, that will settle things with his "friends".

 

[pasajes4]

that he hadn't been treating him like a friend lately, etc

What a piece of work

 

[Jabberwockey]

that he hadn't been treating him like a friend lately,

Or ever???

 

[pasajes4]

Or ever???

Yeppers

 

[Jabberwockey]

Also, J had finally Facebook messaged me

Honestly, I'm surprised that it took him so long to do this. Does he really think we believe that he's that concerned about our son??? Seriously, if we were concerned then we would be acting VERY differently right now.

I sent my son a text saying I hoped he'd enjoyed the hotel and things work out from here, and asking him to text me every few days...didn't need to do it every day...and tell me he's alive and well, and that I loved him.

Honey, I would try to limit it to once a week, maybe even longer but that's your call. Part of the point of this is for him to stand on his own and calling and texting every other day might make an issue of it.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Yeppers

Sorry, sarcasm and type don't go well together.

 

[Lil]

Does he really think we believe that he's that concerned about our son???

I'll let you read the message. It's quite lengthy.

Honey, I would try to limit it to once a week, maybe even longer but that's your call.

That was my point in asking HIM to text ME every few days - I didn't say every other day or anything like that. The plan is that I won't text him at all unless there's something important, unless he hasn't texted me for an extended period of time.

 

[Jabberwockey]

That was my point in asking HIM to text ME every few days

I got that. I meant that you should mention to him that every week or so is ok. A subtle "I trust you to figure it out" kind of comment. I know you have your crutches in dealing with this but his biggest crutch is contacting you. It will probably take a bit for him to figure it out as well. Just something to think about.

 

[RN0441]

I tend to agree.

I posted on my thread today that son finally emailed me about hating how our relationship is now but I kept my boundaries and said I'd do a FaceTime with him and dad once per week. I reinstated my love for him and that he is the first person I think of when waking up and last person I think of when I fall asleep; both true. And the one I think about when I'm up half the damned night!

I really really really want him to feel he is on his own and don't want mommy too close. It's for him and for me. BUT it's a place you have to "get to" or let yourself get to.

 

[A dad]

Yeah you need to be on your own to grow up for a time but then its so good to be with someone for example now I am sick I have a very ugly cold or something like that and I have someone who can take care of me and it shows how great it is to be with someone not on your own.
Could I manage on my own yes but its really way better to go trough this with someone you love. Suffering alone is way harder.
I was on holiday in France last week for a while it was so boring I mean the first time was great, second time also great third time not so much the 9'th time was just terrible I see nothing great there anymore but my wife wanted to go again and I had to visit a relative. I hate France.