And Now a Suicide Threat!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Oct 20, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Just got a call from tthe SD--

    difficult child is in the office after threatening suicide.

    husband has to leave work to transport her to psychiatric hospital...and after yesterday's child-abuse accusation he is very upset.

    Police officers are going to meet him at the school and help with transport.
  2. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Oh, DaisyFace! I'm so sorry! been there done that. Hope things improve for your family, big HUGS!
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I guess I'm gonna just keep writing....

    my heart is pounding a thousand beats a minute...

    When is it going to end? Is she really willing to kill herself because she got caught in a lie?

    Maybe she really can't live with us? Maybe she needs to tell the docs that she needs to be placed somewhere else?

    She told the school counselor that her therapist told her that the way we treat her is "abusive" and that's why she made those accusations...

    So--now what?

    Call CPS and have her sent to foster care?

    Have her sent to state hospital for long-term treatment?

    My head is just spinning....
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    This is not an easy as it sounds. CPS doesn't want difficult children either. (too expensive and hard to place)

    This could help. She may be manipulating because she doesn't want to accept being caught in a lie. She may have impaired reality in which case defining what is a lie becomes problematic.

    My suggestion would be to have the psychiatric hospital do reality testing on her to see if they can pinpoint what is happening in her mind.

    So sorry you are going through this,
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Daisy, deep breaths.

    I think you need to worry about short-term stabilization before long-term decisions are made. First get her into a psychiatric hospital, have her evaluated, see what's going on, start medications (if indicated) and start individual and family counseling. THEN worry about making decisions about the future.

    Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.
  6. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Hang on tight, remember she is a good manipulator. We had a lot of that kind of drama in high school. difficult child 2 "cut" himself and went to a teacher in our neighborhood to tell him, he KNEW this neighbor would have to report the fact because he was a teacher. There was no visible cut, no broken skin. difficult child 2 also told his friend that he was suicidal, KNOWING this boy always told us everything ( Eddy Haskell type kid).

    Our boy had the same diagnosis you show in your sig., mood disorder not otherwise specified but the psychiatrist was reluctant to diagnosis BiPolar (BP). She put him on lithium and abilify.
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I don't know why it always comes down to this....

    Life is grand as long as difficult child gets and does exactly what she wants.

    As soon as we try to make a rule or enforce some structure she goes ballistic

    She smashes stuff, makes death threats, attacks people, makes wild accusations about child abuse and threatens to hurt herself.

    It's like she's saying "I get my way or else I will do these horrible things!!!"

    It's a tantrum on steroids.

    Life was grand on Sunday as she lied to our face about everything she has been getting away with.

    Yesterday she got caught so she tried running away, then she tried reporting us for child abuse and since those didn't work she has to take it to the next level and kill herself. How dare we ground her!!!!

    The school counselors are trying to determine whether she can be transported safely by just one person or whether there is a risk that she will throw herself out of the car in order to avoid being committed to psychiatric hospital.

    And she might, just to show us how mean we are...

    Thanks for listening and letting me lean on you as we are going thru this
  8. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I wouldn't try and transport her. Please call an ambulance.
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Last I heard, husband has decided he can transport her on his own...

    Will keep you posted
  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Well, they made it to psychiatric hospital OK...

    husband told them he wasn't sure that he should have brought her there because he wasn't sure that she was serious about killing herself and when questioned difficult child's response was "O yeah? I will, too!!!"

    So she's been admitted...

    This will be the third time in less than twelve months.

    I don't know where we're going wrong...

    and I don't know what to do right.

    Tonight, I guess we will all just try to get some rest and see what we find out.

    Thank you for listening and for all of your support.
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just wanting to send some gentle hugs your way tonight.
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending many hugs and some peaceful quiet.
  13. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Gentle hugs. How did our lives get so crazy?
  14. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    DF you are doing everything humanly possible to help your difficult child. Her issues are by no means whatsoever a failure on your part. Period. Don't let her deluded thinking shake your confidence in your parenting abilities, or you will get drawn into a whirlpool of self doubt and depression. We are here for you, here to remind you of all that you ARE doing right.

  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    That's the response of a brat who has absolutely no intention of committing suicide.

    However, such a brat is quite capable of doing serious self-harm in an attempt to be taken seriously (out of desperation to deflect and distract from the crux of the matter, which is her own transgressions) and that could result (accidentally) in her killing herself. It wouldn't be suicide, but could be just as fatal. However, she is more control than that, I feel.

    That said - I do agree, taking her to hospital was the right call. She threatens self-harm, you take it seriously even if you're fairly certain it's a bluff designed to deflectattenion away from her. And also a way to alleviate boredom from being grounded, as well as to punish you all for catching her out.


    No softening of the approach simply because people feel sorry for her.

    Think - if she were a bloke who had killed his girlfriend because she threatened to walk out on him and he is later on remorseful and suicidal, he would be placed on suicide watch but the charges he faced would not be lessened simply because he was upset.

    OK, what she did wasn't in that league, but te same principle applies. Her current "depression" was not the cause of her misbehaviour. Chances are getting caught for it, is. But as long as her misbehaviour has an independent cause, then she has t wear the consequences. The depression has to be dealt with, as part of her lerning to face consequences. When you do the wrong thing, part of the consequences should be, feeling bad about yourself. it's called "conscience". She needs to get to know her conscience and learn to use it constructively, not to fight it and try to avoid it.

    Here's hoping the people at the hospital will be awake up to her.

  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending lots of gentle hugs for you, husband and easy child. Just make sure you have some time for easy child so that he doesn't feel lost in the shuffle.
  17. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Good morning everyone--

    Thank you for listening and for all of your support....

    I know that I've been burning up the boards lately and haven't been such a good friend by posting on other threads. I'm sorry for that....I do apologize.

    My thoughts this morning are that this is going to get a lot worse.

    Evidently, difficult child was telling the school counselors that therapist suspected child abuse.

    And Marg, while I agree with you that consequences stand regardless....that will not be the way difficult child expects it to go. And based on previous experience, the psychiatric hospital will probably discharge her with the instructions that "OK--difficult child gets a clean slate now....the past is the past and we are starting fresh on a happy note. We won't allow any discussion of past mistakes."

    PLUS--last time she was hospitalized, the teachers simply waived all of her assignments and gave her "A"s for class the grades she earned in the hospital were far better than the grades she earned in real life.

    So if you think about it--difficult child absolutely knows how to "play the game"....

    If the past is any indication, she is now absolved of all wrongdoing AND will end up passing all of classes this semester AND perhaps get her father charged with child abuse. That'll teach him!!

    For difficult child--this hospitalization is WIN--WIN--WIN.

    So, now I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop....

    And I am wondering if her abuse accusations will cause us to lose custody of our children....?

    Does anyone know if CPS automatically takes both kids if one claims abuse?

    If difficult child does not come home right now....I kind of feel like maybe its for the best

    But if they take my son away from me I will be devastated--and he will suffer again needlessly for difficult child's own issues.

    Last time difficult child was in this particular hospital (crisis stabilization unit) I was crying and upset and very emotional about it--and I was accused of being "overly emotional" and suffering from "anxiety" and told that my overly emotional state was bad for difficult child.

    This time, I just kind of feel numb...

    So I'm sure that I will be told that my "lack of feeling" will be bad for difficult child.

    It seems we can never win with this child.

    We are always the "bad guy".

    My worst fear at this point is that her allegations will land husband in jail and/or that DS will be removed from our home.

    Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers....

    Thank you

  18. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    DF - don't sweat the CPS stuff unless and until it actually happens. Which isn't terribly likely...

    When something actually happened and Jett reported it to his teachers, CPS was called. They talked to BM, and she denied it - so they closed the case. Nothing happened. Never mind the goose egg on his head. Onyxx called them herself, about a past incident. BM just denied it and they closed the case again, saying nothing happened.

    They won't automatically take the kids. difficult child has been in psychiatric hospital several times - they'll look at that! She's ruined her own cred.

    And, yes, you're the bad guys. You're "awful" for trying to help your child by being firm and refusing to let her walk on you. I know how the numb feels. It's not a lack of feeling, it's an "I can't take any more!" and you shut down.

    Can you find a counselor to talk to? Because I know my stress levels shot through the roof, I found one, and it helped. A LOT.

    LOTS of hugs. You're doing fine. And we're here for you.
  19. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    therapist is a mandatory reporter. If therapist truly suspected abuse, therapist is bound by law to report it. That doesn't seem to be the case.

    I'm so sorry for what she is putting you through.

    Gentle ((((hugs))))
  20. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member


    The endless drama is so exhausting. I hope you can get a little rest while she's in psychiatric hospital, just knowing that she's in someone else's care for a bit.

    Sending gentle hugs your way.