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And so dawns another day......
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 73985" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Stella said what I was going to say - difficult child 1 probably hates it at her father's place, she's just saying that to hurt you when she's angry with you. And by letting it get to you (ie by believing this huge lie which is so obviously a lie) you are letting her win.</p><p></p><p>Ignore her when she says this, or maybe reply with, "You are right, you are so underprivileged here. You have so much space here that you are lonely; the place is so sanitized that you are out of touch with your connection to Mother Nature and all her glorious smells and poop, you are being made to do chores so when you are an adult you will be able to get on with other people and live independently, you are being made accountable which is just not fair to a child who wants to live free and easy and still be fed at mealtimes with a balanced diet. I'm mean because I make you eat good food, I take you to the doctor instead of just letting nature take its course, and I'm also mean because I talk to the teachers at school which is sooo embarrassing... yeah, life is really rough here."</p><p>Then walk away.</p><p></p><p>You've made good progress with difficult child 2. </p><p></p><p>And difficult child 3 - send her to school in Pull-ups. I reckon the problem would fix itself FAST.</p><p></p><p>At home - this is what we had to do.</p><p>Check bottoms after each session in the toilet. Keep wet wipes and a bin beside the toilet, wash her bottom for her when needed (or supervise her washing her own bottom). We had a telephone shower in the bathroom - we could use it like a hose on grotty kids. Many was the time we stripped a kid off, tossed them into the shower and hosed them down.</p><p>The smell test works well, too. We did it; teachers did it. I got phone calls a number of times to come to the school with a change of clothes for my difficult child 3, then I had to take him out of class and clean him up, before sending him back in. Don't worry about Pull-ups making it obvious there-s a problem - kids have functioning noses, they will ostracise a kid for being messy, when they won't ostracise a kid with a genuine bladder or bowel problem.</p><p>When you go to fast food places which have individual towelettes - save them and put them in her school lunchbox. She can use them to clean herself up if she has an accident. She can also use them to wash her hands before eating her lunch - probably necessary, if she's not cleaning herself up properly.</p><p></p><p>The more you can support her to clean herself up, the faster she will learn. This isn't a punishment, it's a life skill she needs. Don't scold, just be matter-of-fact.</p><p>"Your pants are dirty? OK, we will clean up. First take them off. Now use this disposable cloth. Put the cloth in the bin. let me check - yes, you are now clean. Now wipe your bottom with this cream to take away the stinging. Put on this clean pair of pants - don't they feel comfortable? Now rinse your dirty pants and put them in the laundry. I will wash them in the next load. Well done - job finished, now go and play. You smell so sweet now."</p><p></p><p>Bubble bath & shampoo - we bought cheap brands and kept them rationed. Those little containers you get in motels - keep refilling those. Put in just enough for her to use, no more. A small kid shouldn't need as much shampoo as an adult, if they use too much it actually makes the hair dirtier, because an overload of shampoo can't be washed out as effectively and the residue then traps dirt.</p><p></p><p>We also collect those little bottles of bubble mix they hand out at weddings and let our difficult child 3 play with those. I was the only person permitted to refill them (I told him I had a special magic formula - I add a couple of drops of glycerine to each tiny bottle, it makes the bubbles last longer). I just use cheap dishwashing detergent to refill them.</p><p>Another great idea for bubble play - get a bucket, half-fill it with water then squirt in a generous serve of dishwashing liquid and a capful of glycerin. It takes a while to mix it, but soon you should get lots of bubbles. We use a bubble wand - a big one - which doesn't need to be blown by hand, you wave it around and the wind does the work. We keep the bucket of bubble mix around, let difficult child 3 use it when he wants to. If you want the specific amounts I'll go look up the recipe, it's on the side of our freezer. But this satisfied his bubble craving and cut back on his desperate requests for bubble play (and wasting of shampoo etc).</p><p></p><p>Here's hoping this helps.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 73985, member: 1991"] Stella said what I was going to say - difficult child 1 probably hates it at her father's place, she's just saying that to hurt you when she's angry with you. And by letting it get to you (ie by believing this huge lie which is so obviously a lie) you are letting her win. Ignore her when she says this, or maybe reply with, "You are right, you are so underprivileged here. You have so much space here that you are lonely; the place is so sanitized that you are out of touch with your connection to Mother Nature and all her glorious smells and poop, you are being made to do chores so when you are an adult you will be able to get on with other people and live independently, you are being made accountable which is just not fair to a child who wants to live free and easy and still be fed at mealtimes with a balanced diet. I'm mean because I make you eat good food, I take you to the doctor instead of just letting nature take its course, and I'm also mean because I talk to the teachers at school which is sooo embarrassing... yeah, life is really rough here." Then walk away. You've made good progress with difficult child 2. And difficult child 3 - send her to school in Pull-ups. I reckon the problem would fix itself FAST. At home - this is what we had to do. Check bottoms after each session in the toilet. Keep wet wipes and a bin beside the toilet, wash her bottom for her when needed (or supervise her washing her own bottom). We had a telephone shower in the bathroom - we could use it like a hose on grotty kids. Many was the time we stripped a kid off, tossed them into the shower and hosed them down. The smell test works well, too. We did it; teachers did it. I got phone calls a number of times to come to the school with a change of clothes for my difficult child 3, then I had to take him out of class and clean him up, before sending him back in. Don't worry about Pull-ups making it obvious there-s a problem - kids have functioning noses, they will ostracise a kid for being messy, when they won't ostracise a kid with a genuine bladder or bowel problem. When you go to fast food places which have individual towelettes - save them and put them in her school lunchbox. She can use them to clean herself up if she has an accident. She can also use them to wash her hands before eating her lunch - probably necessary, if she's not cleaning herself up properly. The more you can support her to clean herself up, the faster she will learn. This isn't a punishment, it's a life skill she needs. Don't scold, just be matter-of-fact. "Your pants are dirty? OK, we will clean up. First take them off. Now use this disposable cloth. Put the cloth in the bin. let me check - yes, you are now clean. Now wipe your bottom with this cream to take away the stinging. Put on this clean pair of pants - don't they feel comfortable? Now rinse your dirty pants and put them in the laundry. I will wash them in the next load. Well done - job finished, now go and play. You smell so sweet now." Bubble bath & shampoo - we bought cheap brands and kept them rationed. Those little containers you get in motels - keep refilling those. Put in just enough for her to use, no more. A small kid shouldn't need as much shampoo as an adult, if they use too much it actually makes the hair dirtier, because an overload of shampoo can't be washed out as effectively and the residue then traps dirt. We also collect those little bottles of bubble mix they hand out at weddings and let our difficult child 3 play with those. I was the only person permitted to refill them (I told him I had a special magic formula - I add a couple of drops of glycerine to each tiny bottle, it makes the bubbles last longer). I just use cheap dishwashing detergent to refill them. Another great idea for bubble play - get a bucket, half-fill it with water then squirt in a generous serve of dishwashing liquid and a capful of glycerin. It takes a while to mix it, but soon you should get lots of bubbles. We use a bubble wand - a big one - which doesn't need to be blown by hand, you wave it around and the wind does the work. We keep the bucket of bubble mix around, let difficult child 3 use it when he wants to. If you want the specific amounts I'll go look up the recipe, it's on the side of our freezer. But this satisfied his bubble craving and cut back on his desperate requests for bubble play (and wasting of shampoo etc). Here's hoping this helps. Marg [/QUOTE]
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