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And so dawns another day......
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<blockquote data-quote="ck1" data-source="post: 74013" data-attributes="member: 3767"><p>Ditto what others have said...you didn't "do" anything that would cause this behavior, for whatever reason, this is how they're wired. You've provided a loving home and they just don't know how to appreciate that yet, hopefully someday they will but that's a long long time down the road.</p><p></p><p>Their dad, and your daughter who is living there now, are lucky to have parents willing to step in like this. My parents always said, "we're done now, we raised our kids and they all turned out great!". They will help all of us, but that's it, thankfully that's all we need. </p><p></p><p>My difficult child used to tell me that he wanted to live with his dad...until I said, "go ahead, I'll pack your bags". I would have been horrified if he really wanted to go, but he didn't, he was just saying it to hurt me. This approach may not be good for her though, I don't know what you've tried, but it did help us.</p><p></p><p>Maybe she just needs to know that you really want her there, it sounds like she's been passed back and forth, maybe she feels like she doesn't belong anywhere so she's acting out. I don't know a whole lot about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), but it's seems like that diagnosis (along with just being a teenage girl) would make adjustment difficult. I don't know if you're arguing a lot, but a book that helped cut down the fighting with my difficult child was "The ADHD Parenting Handbook: Advice from Parents to Parents". I thought it had a lot of good ideas in it.</p><p></p><p>I've educated myself and my husband on the disorders that my difficult child has been diagnosed with. It helps to understand where he's coming from. It hasn't fixed anything, just helps me to understand his point of view sometimes instead of just thinking of him as a PITA, some of it is beyond his control.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3: Gosh, sounds like she's really struggling as well. I know you want to shield them from any further stress (being made fun of) and I totally understand that, but, sometimes natual consequences really help. In this case, the natural consequence can either be wearing the pull ups until she chooses to use the toilet, or being made fun of (because of her smell) until she chooses to use the toilet. If she was potty trained before then I think you just have to wait until she makes the choice to do it again, assuming there are no medical reasons for this, so that needs to be ruled out. </p><p></p><p>Have you given her pantyliners to use that can be easily changed if she's having trouble wiping properly? Also, maybe using the wipes that are wet, like baby wipes, would make it a little easier for her. However, you have to be careful with those because they can't be flushed. </p><p></p><p>The natuaral consequences to not wiping properly can be pretty brutal and make her quite ill, maybe she would listen if a doctor explained it to her? </p><p></p><p>God bless you for taking these kids in. You've gotten great advice on a starting to place to seek more services, the school district should definitely be able to point you in the right direction. You could also look for a mental health association in your area, someone on this board suggested I look up NAMI.org, that was very helpful for me and hopefully could be to you as well, they should know of additional resources in your area and should also have support groups.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ck1, post: 74013, member: 3767"] Ditto what others have said...you didn't "do" anything that would cause this behavior, for whatever reason, this is how they're wired. You've provided a loving home and they just don't know how to appreciate that yet, hopefully someday they will but that's a long long time down the road. Their dad, and your daughter who is living there now, are lucky to have parents willing to step in like this. My parents always said, "we're done now, we raised our kids and they all turned out great!". They will help all of us, but that's it, thankfully that's all we need. My difficult child used to tell me that he wanted to live with his dad...until I said, "go ahead, I'll pack your bags". I would have been horrified if he really wanted to go, but he didn't, he was just saying it to hurt me. This approach may not be good for her though, I don't know what you've tried, but it did help us. Maybe she just needs to know that you really want her there, it sounds like she's been passed back and forth, maybe she feels like she doesn't belong anywhere so she's acting out. I don't know a whole lot about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), but it's seems like that diagnosis (along with just being a teenage girl) would make adjustment difficult. I don't know if you're arguing a lot, but a book that helped cut down the fighting with my difficult child was "The ADHD Parenting Handbook: Advice from Parents to Parents". I thought it had a lot of good ideas in it. I've educated myself and my husband on the disorders that my difficult child has been diagnosed with. It helps to understand where he's coming from. It hasn't fixed anything, just helps me to understand his point of view sometimes instead of just thinking of him as a PITA, some of it is beyond his control. difficult child 3: Gosh, sounds like she's really struggling as well. I know you want to shield them from any further stress (being made fun of) and I totally understand that, but, sometimes natual consequences really help. In this case, the natural consequence can either be wearing the pull ups until she chooses to use the toilet, or being made fun of (because of her smell) until she chooses to use the toilet. If she was potty trained before then I think you just have to wait until she makes the choice to do it again, assuming there are no medical reasons for this, so that needs to be ruled out. Have you given her pantyliners to use that can be easily changed if she's having trouble wiping properly? Also, maybe using the wipes that are wet, like baby wipes, would make it a little easier for her. However, you have to be careful with those because they can't be flushed. The natuaral consequences to not wiping properly can be pretty brutal and make her quite ill, maybe she would listen if a doctor explained it to her? God bless you for taking these kids in. You've gotten great advice on a starting to place to seek more services, the school district should definitely be able to point you in the right direction. You could also look for a mental health association in your area, someone on this board suggested I look up NAMI.org, that was very helpful for me and hopefully could be to you as well, they should know of additional resources in your area and should also have support groups. [/QUOTE]
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