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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 753018" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Ksm, thank you so much for your insight. It is hard. I feel a failure at times. I do have help from my youngest daughter Hoku, the kids look up to her and do not cross lines when she is around. I am thinking that after this incident, my grandson will qualify for more intense therapy with home visits. We shall see. It is hard for me to get a break. Friends who have offered assistance have disappeared off the radar. My well children have busy lives of their own.</p><p></p><p> I know for sure with my two that it is way more than pot. This has been ongoing for over a decade. It’s horrible but I have come to the point where I know nothing I do will stop the madness.</p><p></p><p> Thank you Busy. I have thought about the negative affect being around my two has on all of us. So, no more notions of family connection, at least until there is evidence of change. Big change, like rehab. I have to focus on my grands.</p><p></p><p> I am so sorry for your aching heart Busy. I know where you are at because I have</p><p>been there. Many, many times. Watching the terrible choices my daughter made, trying desperately to get help for my grands while they slipped between the cracks in the system. I am glad Amy is ready to step in. My feeling is the same for my daughter, she is an adult making bad choices, my grands got stuck in the quicksand of their parents addiction. I am hoping the resiliency that helped them survive that, will kick in and help them process the trauma and have productive lives.</p><p> I’m so sorry Copa, that is so hard to go through.</p><p></p><p> How awful.Thats the hard part in all of this craziness, that the burden be put back on you. You have tried for so many years to help him.</p><p></p><p> I am sorry Copa, I did not know.</p><p></p><p> It is blind rage. That is what is so frightening. I can see it coming. I try to stay calm, but it is hard because of his size.</p><p></p><p> I know Copa, thank you for this. But, that is also what is so frightening. This was an ordeal that built up then exploded into an attack on his brother. His brother did nothing to provoke it. I saw the idea click right before me. It was a complete about face from rage that he could not go off on his own to “I am going to get my brother.” Thankfully brother bolted out of the house and hid. He knew enough not to try and stand up to the madness. We were running around the house trying to stop my eldest, yelling for brother to stay away and hide, waiting for the police to come as eldest continued to scream for his brother to come out so he could “put him in the ground.” I honestly don’t know what would have happened if he found him. That there was no intent, yes, but he was so far gone, like a spooked horse, he could have done some very real damage without even feeling it.</p><p></p><p> I talked for awhile with nurses, emergency doctor, then psychiatrist. They remarked at how calm and charming my grandson was. This did not surprise me, because he has some amount of control to switch off. To beguile. So what is at work here? The psychiatrist mentioned that he felt remorse, but he has <em>never</em> apologized for his explosions. In fact, he makes jokes about it. I picked him up and hugged him and told him I loved him. Flat effect. Silence in the car. My thinking was that I would not try to discuss anything until there is a cooling off period. To let him start the conversation. I will wait a bit this morning to see what happens.</p><p></p><p> I do know that the kids have bonded somewhat with their therapists. We have a new social worker who ordered evaluations. I have called for results but received no info yet. I think after this incident that CWS is requesting more intense in home therapy. I will advocate for that.</p><p></p><p> Thank you Copa. I had to be that. It’s hard, because the policeman was able to get him to calm down. They wanted to leave him at home. I pushed for them to take him in. For his sake and ours. His tirades are escalating. He will not be allowed another chance without severe consequences. That’s what CWS expressed. He will be removed and go to a group home. I don’t want this to happen, but he cannot endanger this household.</p><p></p><p> I was just looking that up this week. I don’t know if therapists are involved. I will look into it further.</p><p></p><p> True.</p><p></p><p> I wondered that myself. Contact has a way of leaving</p><p>one feeling depleted, frustrated. That was poor thinking on my part. Clearly it cannot happen again.</p><p> This is where I am at Busy as far as focus on my grands.</p><p>But, I still hold hope in my heart for my two, I just need to regroup and let go of any thought that I can be a catalyst for change. It has to be initiated through them. They are toxic for my grands, they have suffered enough in their young lives.</p><p>Thank you so much sisters for your kindness and wisdom.</p><p>Day by day.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 753018, member: 19522"] Ksm, thank you so much for your insight. It is hard. I feel a failure at times. I do have help from my youngest daughter Hoku, the kids look up to her and do not cross lines when she is around. I am thinking that after this incident, my grandson will qualify for more intense therapy with home visits. We shall see. It is hard for me to get a break. Friends who have offered assistance have disappeared off the radar. My well children have busy lives of their own. I know for sure with my two that it is way more than pot. This has been ongoing for over a decade. It’s horrible but I have come to the point where I know nothing I do will stop the madness. Thank you Busy. I have thought about the negative affect being around my two has on all of us. So, no more notions of family connection, at least until there is evidence of change. Big change, like rehab. I have to focus on my grands. I am so sorry for your aching heart Busy. I know where you are at because I have been there. Many, many times. Watching the terrible choices my daughter made, trying desperately to get help for my grands while they slipped between the cracks in the system. I am glad Amy is ready to step in. My feeling is the same for my daughter, she is an adult making bad choices, my grands got stuck in the quicksand of their parents addiction. I am hoping the resiliency that helped them survive that, will kick in and help them process the trauma and have productive lives. I’m so sorry Copa, that is so hard to go through. How awful.Thats the hard part in all of this craziness, that the burden be put back on you. You have tried for so many years to help him. I am sorry Copa, I did not know. It is blind rage. That is what is so frightening. I can see it coming. I try to stay calm, but it is hard because of his size. I know Copa, thank you for this. But, that is also what is so frightening. This was an ordeal that built up then exploded into an attack on his brother. His brother did nothing to provoke it. I saw the idea click right before me. It was a complete about face from rage that he could not go off on his own to “I am going to get my brother.” Thankfully brother bolted out of the house and hid. He knew enough not to try and stand up to the madness. We were running around the house trying to stop my eldest, yelling for brother to stay away and hide, waiting for the police to come as eldest continued to scream for his brother to come out so he could “put him in the ground.” I honestly don’t know what would have happened if he found him. That there was no intent, yes, but he was so far gone, like a spooked horse, he could have done some very real damage without even feeling it. I talked for awhile with nurses, emergency doctor, then psychiatrist. They remarked at how calm and charming my grandson was. This did not surprise me, because he has some amount of control to switch off. To beguile. So what is at work here? The psychiatrist mentioned that he felt remorse, but he has [I]never[/I] apologized for his explosions. In fact, he makes jokes about it. I picked him up and hugged him and told him I loved him. Flat effect. Silence in the car. My thinking was that I would not try to discuss anything until there is a cooling off period. To let him start the conversation. I will wait a bit this morning to see what happens. I do know that the kids have bonded somewhat with their therapists. We have a new social worker who ordered evaluations. I have called for results but received no info yet. I think after this incident that CWS is requesting more intense in home therapy. I will advocate for that. Thank you Copa. I had to be that. It’s hard, because the policeman was able to get him to calm down. They wanted to leave him at home. I pushed for them to take him in. For his sake and ours. His tirades are escalating. He will not be allowed another chance without severe consequences. That’s what CWS expressed. He will be removed and go to a group home. I don’t want this to happen, but he cannot endanger this household. I was just looking that up this week. I don’t know if therapists are involved. I will look into it further. True. I wondered that myself. Contact has a way of leaving one feeling depleted, frustrated. That was poor thinking on my part. Clearly it cannot happen again. This is where I am at Busy as far as focus on my grands. But, I still hold hope in my heart for my two, I just need to regroup and let go of any thought that I can be a catalyst for change. It has to be initiated through them. They are toxic for my grands, they have suffered enough in their young lives. Thank you so much sisters for your kindness and wisdom. Day by day. (((Hugs))) Leaf [/QUOTE]
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