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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 753065" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear RN *Sorry to hijack, New Leaf</p><p></p><p>I am sorry that the welding training did not work out in the sense that your son decided to not choose it for a career. That he dedicated himself to it with focus and hard work is to his great credit. </p><p></p><p>These transitional periods are hard for me, too. When they have to dig down into themselves and find motivation and desire and direction. That's scary for me. We have to lay on my son hard for him to do the right thing for himself and us. We are afraid to not lay on hard. Even the idea of a key, is too much risk for us, right now. Because when he had a key as soon as M left the house, my son doubled back to spend the day laying around. There has been too much deception. To trust. Either to trust my son, or to trust his wherewithal to do the right thing for himself. </p><p></p><p>Today I asked M. <em>Do I have to put aside the idea that J will have a career?</em> </p><p></p><p>M answered, yes. <em>How many people really have a career that they work in? Think about the people you've known through me, these past 10 years, how many work in a career? None. That J have a normal life, be productive, is enough. It's a lot. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>M is right. How could I have been through this for so many years and have my values so distorted? Of course it matters, crucially, that my son be functioning, be content, be part of society, be productive. He has been none of these things, and for a long while it kept getting worse. </p><p></p><p>For some reason, it's a little better now. This is his 3rd week of working at the Food Bank as a volunteer and he didn't miss one day last week, and brought us verification. For now, his attitude is world's better. And there's been no marijuana. (The requirement is he not use it in the property and not arrive there under the influence or reeking.)</p><p></p><p>How in the world can I be worried about a career? Have I been a big part of the problem? Was there a point a decade ago when my son could not or did not do what I was subtly pushing for? Did he rebel and through his decisions opt out, completely? He has told me more than once, <em>I'm not you. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Don't parents want their kids to achieve? Push them to be better? I didn't have specific goals I pushed on my son. Only that he have a goal. And work for it. And he did not understand. He did not understand what it was to identify a goal and work for it incrementally. It wasn't a question of wanting to. I think he didn't understand. </p><p></p><p></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 753065, member: 18958"] Dear RN *Sorry to hijack, New Leaf I am sorry that the welding training did not work out in the sense that your son decided to not choose it for a career. That he dedicated himself to it with focus and hard work is to his great credit. These transitional periods are hard for me, too. When they have to dig down into themselves and find motivation and desire and direction. That's scary for me. We have to lay on my son hard for him to do the right thing for himself and us. We are afraid to not lay on hard. Even the idea of a key, is too much risk for us, right now. Because when he had a key as soon as M left the house, my son doubled back to spend the day laying around. There has been too much deception. To trust. Either to trust my son, or to trust his wherewithal to do the right thing for himself. Today I asked M. [I]Do I have to put aside the idea that J will have a career?[/I] M answered, yes. [I]How many people really have a career that they work in? Think about the people you've known through me, these past 10 years, how many work in a career? None. That J have a normal life, be productive, is enough. It's a lot. [/I] M is right. How could I have been through this for so many years and have my values so distorted? Of course it matters, crucially, that my son be functioning, be content, be part of society, be productive. He has been none of these things, and for a long while it kept getting worse. For some reason, it's a little better now. This is his 3rd week of working at the Food Bank as a volunteer and he didn't miss one day last week, and brought us verification. For now, his attitude is world's better. And there's been no marijuana. (The requirement is he not use it in the property and not arrive there under the influence or reeking.) How in the world can I be worried about a career? Have I been a big part of the problem? Was there a point a decade ago when my son could not or did not do what I was subtly pushing for? Did he rebel and through his decisions opt out, completely? He has told me more than once, [I]I'm not you. [/I] Don't parents want their kids to achieve? Push them to be better? I didn't have specific goals I pushed on my son. Only that he have a goal. And work for it. And he did not understand. He did not understand what it was to identify a goal and work for it incrementally. It wasn't a question of wanting to. I think he didn't understand. [I] [/I] [/QUOTE]
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