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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 753072" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>That hurts. Because if I'm honest with myself, I have callouses around my heart with him. Last Friday, when I bumped into him in the Walmart parking lot, he was waiting for the bus, he presented me with a bouquet of carnations. The first words out of my mouth were <em>they're wilted.</em> I mean. Like he's going to find the finest specimens at the Food Bank? That I can remember he's never given me a gift or card, since the years he'd make them in school. What's my problem?</p><p></p><p>I know what our problem is. For many of us there has been a decade-long descent by our children, or more, into chaos, self-indulgence, lack of discipline, sloth, and moral confusion. Learning occurred in us. That we were dealing with this new iteration of our child. For me, there has been mere weeks of any change, and only for a minute has there been any consistency.</p><p></p><p>I think it takes time and consistent evidence of change to begin to operate from a new baseline. For us. We have taken this descent with them. That's why we're here. Our own conduct had become disordered. We had to cut off our hearts and operate from our guts and minds. There's opportunity here, I think. Balance. As well as strength.</p><p></p><p>I don't think there is one adult child on this thread who doubts the great love of their mother. A child that doubts that their mother's heart beats only to love them. So. I think I have to be okay with letting myself heal and recover too.</p><p>I think he's very smart and brave to "not know." That is the power position, if you think about it. It takes courage to live from this place. Being open is a good thing. </p><p></p><p>If he is interested there are so many free quizzes and tests on the internet that help us come to an understanding of how we operate and what are our interests, that translate this into specific vocations. I will look for a few websites for him to check out and get back to you. I have taken some of these tests myself, and it was fun. The results of the tests were entirely consistent with the profession and the interests that I have. Two tests I can think of right now I took are the Myers-Briggs and Enneagram. I think I googled free vocational aptitude or interest test online. Or free personality test online. But I will try to look a little bit and get back to you.</p><p></p><p>I am wondering if your son might have a desire to work with people. For somebody so young, his life journey has been so inspiring. He has been through so much. And grown so much. Maybe he might want to work in an area where he can share this experience and capacity. From everything you have written, he shines through as a caring and responsive young man, with heart, who connects. Maybe this might be the core of his vocational interest. Who knows?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 753072, member: 18958"] That hurts. Because if I'm honest with myself, I have callouses around my heart with him. Last Friday, when I bumped into him in the Walmart parking lot, he was waiting for the bus, he presented me with a bouquet of carnations. The first words out of my mouth were [I]they're wilted.[/I] I mean. Like he's going to find the finest specimens at the Food Bank? That I can remember he's never given me a gift or card, since the years he'd make them in school. What's my problem? I know what our problem is. For many of us there has been a decade-long descent by our children, or more, into chaos, self-indulgence, lack of discipline, sloth, and moral confusion. Learning occurred in us. That we were dealing with this new iteration of our child. For me, there has been mere weeks of any change, and only for a minute has there been any consistency. I think it takes time and consistent evidence of change to begin to operate from a new baseline. For us. We have taken this descent with them. That's why we're here. Our own conduct had become disordered. We had to cut off our hearts and operate from our guts and minds. There's opportunity here, I think. Balance. As well as strength. I don't think there is one adult child on this thread who doubts the great love of their mother. A child that doubts that their mother's heart beats only to love them. So. I think I have to be okay with letting myself heal and recover too. I think he's very smart and brave to "not know." That is the power position, if you think about it. It takes courage to live from this place. Being open is a good thing. If he is interested there are so many free quizzes and tests on the internet that help us come to an understanding of how we operate and what are our interests, that translate this into specific vocations. I will look for a few websites for him to check out and get back to you. I have taken some of these tests myself, and it was fun. The results of the tests were entirely consistent with the profession and the interests that I have. Two tests I can think of right now I took are the Myers-Briggs and Enneagram. I think I googled free vocational aptitude or interest test online. Or free personality test online. But I will try to look a little bit and get back to you. I am wondering if your son might have a desire to work with people. For somebody so young, his life journey has been so inspiring. He has been through so much. And grown so much. Maybe he might want to work in an area where he can share this experience and capacity. From everything you have written, he shines through as a caring and responsive young man, with heart, who connects. Maybe this might be the core of his vocational interest. Who knows? [/QUOTE]
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