It might take time but eventually you reap what you sow......... Kayla is turning difficult child.......wild child, disrespectful, entitled, unappreciative, lying, sneaking........... Tonight when speaking with an extremely stressed Katie I got the impression that Kayla *might* have an online "relationship" with an older male. It was sort of like Katie was trying to tell me she caught her at it without really coming out and saying that. Know what I mean?? Seems Kayla has at least one fb acct her mom didn't know about until now. More likely 2 as I know about one Katie doesn't know about I just can't for the life of me recall the weird name she used for it. (topped off by the fact Kayla can't spell right either) Kayla begged/demanded a cell phone for her birthday. We warned Katie about buying her one since she won't leave her parents alone and loses it but they bought her a cheap one that you have to load the minutes. Kayla used up the minutes in 2 days.........talking to some boy that katie seemed to be hinting was not a boy.....refer to the above paragraph. lol Add to this katie was retrieving phone numbers from her phone that no longer works and she found a disturbing text written by kayla to this "boy maybe not a boy" that was not appropriate for a 13 yr old to be thinking let alone writing. When katie demanded kayla return her phone she told her mom she lost it at her friends house. katie has reportedly turned the girls room upside down but not found the phone. She doesn't quite seem to believe her. Katie is scared. And I don't think she is scared simply because Kayla has a fb acct she is not allowed to have and is talking to some boy her age. I heard fear in her voice tonight. Let's just put it this way..............Katie is so scared she not only admitted they had internet but she created a new fb account to talk to me and in hopes of somehow being able to detect if Kayla creates a new one. Which of course revealed the fact she lied when she said she got rid of the computer after Fred died over the whole M thing. Of course this stuff I already knew so I really don't care one way or the other. But it puts a new level of seriousness to it because she knows she is admitting she lied. Know what I mean?? Katie is stressed to the max and scared to death, not to mention at her wits end as to what to do with the child who once was her "good" kid. Nichole and I are not the least bit surprised. The extended family actually expected the current behavior to surface. Although it worries us as much as it does katie. Time is relative when it comes to karma. And rarely does karma seem to care much if you've since tried to turn your life around. Eleven years ago Katie and M took Kayla 2, and Alex 1 and took off to Mo with only a nasty letter that arrived in the mail some weeks later. An impulsive decision of an immature 22 yr old cost her children severely over the 6 yrs they were out of contact. And even during the 3 yrs we had contact before they showed up on my doorstep. Katie tried to correct that mistake when she returned about 3 yrs ago (come oct). Active parenting didn't truly start until they moved into the apartment that following April. It was better than no parenting at all but it was inconsistent with no defined rules with the impulse to spoil children they had never had an opportunity to spoil before..........Progressed slowly into more consistent active parenting. And both Katie and M have improved quite a lot which can be seen to some degree in the kids behavior. Except you can't suddenly start parenting a ten year old after the life Kayla lived and not expect difficult child issues. Which is why the extended family expected this, and has for some time. Kayla is still my Kayla in her heart. I still see the little girl I knew all those years ago when she looks at me. But Kayla is deeply angry. I know she is deeply angry at her mom. I know there is anger for Katie's biomom. I think there is even anger toward M, although she does love him and feel affectionate toward him. I see no real love or affection for katie or her biomaternal grandmother. There is no respect for any of the adults in her household. I think Kayla has begun to realize her Dad is not like "other dads" Finally being able to live a more "normal" life has become a two edged sword. While it is good for Kayla to see that other adults don't behave as her parents have and learn what "normal" is..........it has also shown her exactly what they failed to provide for her during her childhood. Not just the basics such as a home, food, clothing.......or even some luxuries like birthday parties and actual presents and such........but rules and boundaries and love and attention. The anger has been building as the realization has sunk in. So while some of this is typical teen behavior of testing boundaries, especially new ones........a lot of it is centered in anger and I know is going to get much worse before it gets better. I talked to Katie for quite a while tonight. But I just really could not bring myself to mention Kayla's anger or that some of this is stemming from the past. I know that Katie is trying hard at least on the discipline aspect and it is hurting her that she can't seem to either get the respect of her children or their obedience, especially at home. The kids behave around us because if the family is together.......well, an adult sees a child do something they don't wait for the child's parent to correct the behavior. My kids were raised that way, my grandchildren are raised that way. Boundaries were set the moment Katie's kids returned. While their parents may not be consistent with clear rules, we are. It took them mere days to realize this and they don't test the boundaries with us. Well, Katie also talked to Nichole about this. And Nichole is one to say what she thinks. And so she just bluntly told katie that Kayla is angry and why. But that Katie has to be consistent now, regardless, because those boundaries need to be there and Kayla has to know she has to stick to them. Next thing Nichole knew katie was on a long apology about taking the kids back to Mo and what a horrible decision that had been.........and well..........yeah. I know that katie is truly sorry for that. I know she deeply regrets her actions. I know that now what she did hurts her perhaps more than it hurt us. Because now she has to face the reality of what she did to her children even though she didn't mean to hurt them. She has to deal with the effect it had on them, not just by losing their extended family but the life they led while away from us. And honestly? We don't even know many of the details of that life, so lord only knows what all that involved. Sadly, while Katie loves Kayla and Alex, she never formed a maternal bond with either of them for whatever reason. As babies/toddlers it was more she tolerated them than had any genuine affection for them. I have yet to see any evidence that has changed. Katie is not much closer to Evan. The kids do not that I've ever seen, get her actual attention. I know that if they are home from school........she is usually in bed. If behavior is off the wall........she gets a migraine and goes to bed. This gfgness with Kayla has had her in bed 90 percent of the last few days. Given the behavior ect she is probably overwhelmed......and retreats to her room more than actually has anything wrong. This is habitual behavior throughout the kids childhood. It has not yet changed. This part I dunno what to do about. I can help her be more consistent and reinforce that what she is doing is right ect. But how do you tell your kid that maybe if they bothered to spend actual TIME with their children it might make all the difference in the world?? That her retreating to the bedroom is not helping because it is not for a Time Out.......it is for hours upon hours. I really hope, no I'm praying Kayla has not managed to get herself involved with an adult male. Good lord. I thought we might at least have a couple of years before that battle came up.