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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 706524" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Below you will find some passages I selected from the Wikipedia description of psychological splitting that I thought related to the family circumstances you describe.</p><p></p><p>Pigless. From the little I know you I see a very strong, intelligent, responsible, unflinchingly honest and upright woman who does not shrink from reality or give up herself and her self-regard to accommodate somebody else's will. I am not talking about compromising here. I am talking about gaslighting.</p><p></p><p>Your father in law by everything you have written has been an abusive, withholding and self-serving man. He tolerated and he contributed to the suffering of his loved ones; by what you describe he failed every single one of them. These actions, if viewed head on, and their repercussions felt directly, would burn a soul. He shielded himself from this pain through the use of defense mechanisms.</p><p></p><p>He always knew who you were, Pigless, your integrity and your strength, and he shrunk smaller before you. Oh I know you did not mean it, but how could you be anyone other than you are? This he could not bear. Your goodness and your strength.</p><p></p><p>Look at this, Pigless: (the narcissist sees) <em>others who do not conform to their will or values as purely wicked or contemptible. </em></p><p></p><p>Tina may have had qualities that enabled him to hide out. Not necessarily weaknesses, but something that allowed him, in relation to her, to feel not quite so broken.</p><p></p><p>To maintain his own self esteem, the narcissist will split the bad in him from the good, by idealizing one daughter in law and demonizing the other.</p><p></p><p>My mother loved without limit my sister. Who was sneaky, lying, plotting, cruel, small, avaricious and using. She betrayed and abandoned my mother at the end of her life. I could ask, why did my mother not love me as much? But why? My mother loved me as good as she could. The mysteries have died with her.</p><p></p><p><strong>Splitting</strong> (also called <strong>black-and-white thinking</strong> or <strong>all-or-nothing thinking</strong>) is the failure in a person's thinking to bring together the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dichotomy" target="_blank"><u>dichotomy</u></a> of both positive and negative qualities of the self and others into a cohesive, realistic whole. It is a common <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defense_mechanism" target="_blank"><u>defense mechanism</u></a> used by many people.<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splitting_(psychology)#cite_note-1" target="_blank"><u>[1]</u></a> The individual tends to think in extremes (i.e., an individual's actions and motivations are <em>all</em> good or <em>all</em> bad with no middle ground).</p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><strong>Relationships</strong></span></p><p>Splitting creates instability in relationships because one person can be viewed as either personified virtue or personified vice at different times, depending on whether they gratify the subject's needs or frustrate them.</p><p></p><p><span style="font-size: 18px"><strong>Narcissistic personality disorder</strong></span></p><p>Main article: <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder" target="_blank"><u>Narcissistic personality disorder</u></a></p><p>People matching the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder also use splitting as a central defense mechanism. Most often the narcissist does this as an attempt to stabilize their sense of self positivity in order to preserve their <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem" target="_blank"><u>self-esteem</u></a>,<em> by perceiving themselves as purely upright or admirable and others who do not conform to their will or values as purely wicked or contemptible.</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 706524, member: 18958"] Below you will find some passages I selected from the Wikipedia description of psychological splitting that I thought related to the family circumstances you describe. Pigless. From the little I know you I see a very strong, intelligent, responsible, unflinchingly honest and upright woman who does not shrink from reality or give up herself and her self-regard to accommodate somebody else's will. I am not talking about compromising here. I am talking about gaslighting. Your father in law by everything you have written has been an abusive, withholding and self-serving man. He tolerated and he contributed to the suffering of his loved ones; by what you describe he failed every single one of them. These actions, if viewed head on, and their repercussions felt directly, would burn a soul. He shielded himself from this pain through the use of defense mechanisms. He always knew who you were, Pigless, your integrity and your strength, and he shrunk smaller before you. Oh I know you did not mean it, but how could you be anyone other than you are? This he could not bear. Your goodness and your strength. Look at this, Pigless: (the narcissist sees) [I]others who do not conform to their will or values as purely wicked or contemptible. [/I] Tina may have had qualities that enabled him to hide out. Not necessarily weaknesses, but something that allowed him, in relation to her, to feel not quite so broken. To maintain his own self esteem, the narcissist will split the bad in him from the good, by idealizing one daughter in law and demonizing the other. My mother loved without limit my sister. Who was sneaky, lying, plotting, cruel, small, avaricious and using. She betrayed and abandoned my mother at the end of her life. I could ask, why did my mother not love me as much? But why? My mother loved me as good as she could. The mysteries have died with her. [B]Splitting[/B] (also called [B]black-and-white thinking[/B] or [B]all-or-nothing thinking[/B]) is the failure in a person's thinking to bring together the [URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dichotomy'][U]dichotomy[/U][/URL] of both positive and negative qualities of the self and others into a cohesive, realistic whole. It is a common [URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defense_mechanism'][U]defense mechanism[/U][/URL] used by many people.[URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splitting_(psychology)#cite_note-1'][U][1][/U][/URL] The individual tends to think in extremes (i.e., an individual's actions and motivations are [I]all[/I] good or [I]all[/I] bad with no middle ground). [SIZE=5][B]Relationships[/B][/SIZE] Splitting creates instability in relationships because one person can be viewed as either personified virtue or personified vice at different times, depending on whether they gratify the subject's needs or frustrate them. [SIZE=5][B]Narcissistic personality disorder[/B][/SIZE] Main article: [URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder'][U]Narcissistic personality disorder[/U][/URL] People matching the diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder also use splitting as a central defense mechanism. Most often the narcissist does this as an attempt to stabilize their sense of self positivity in order to preserve their [URL='https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem'][U]self-esteem[/U][/URL],[I] by perceiving themselves as purely upright or admirable and others who do not conform to their will or values as purely wicked or contemptible.[/I] [/QUOTE]
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