And today....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Jul 9, 2008.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    We stopped the straterra. He had a good day at school today. In-home came tonight, and he put on quite the show for her. He started by throwing the couch pillows at her. Then he kicked her. Then he threw super balls at her. He tore the bedding off the beds, ripped the fan out of the living room by the cord and threw it, and dumped the laundry. Then he tore up little pieces of pop tart and threw them at the in-home for the remained of the hour.

    Another good day.
  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green


    I'm leaving Friday and going far, faaaaaaaaar away. Wanna come with?
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    How does in-home respond? Did this continue after in-home left?
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    She ignored it until the pop tarts started hitting her in the face, then she left.

    He followed her out the door and threw things at her car. Redirecting wasn't working, so easy child 1 stepped in with a ball and bat and got him interested in batting the ball, then letting the dog bring it back.

    He went to bed early.
  5. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    Uh, what is the in-home suppose to do, what's her job? And what's her training? Seems anyone sent by a mental health agency should be able to handle that situation a bit better than she did. easy child 1 figured it out.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You're not supposed to stop Straterra cold turkey. Wow. Any time I was forced to stop any antidepressant cold turkey, it made me nuts. And I do mean nuts. I ended up in the hospital once. Did you wean him?
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm not excited about the in-home's approach. She thinks ignoring this will make it stop. We are to say "Ow. That hurt." then ignore it. If he escalates, we are to make up some excuse unrelated to him that gives us a reason to leave the area he is in.

    I have attempted to ignore his behavior in the past, and it doesn't work. He follows me, escalating all the way, until something happens that makes him think I am going to leave him (I do NOT do that on purpose - altho it is tempting...) but I haven't said "ow that hurts" before I did it. Sometimes I have said that I am going to lock myself in my room until he can stop hitting me, or something like that. Doesn't usually make it stop, either.

    This lady taught at the local school for behavior-problem kids. She comes with good recommendations. I'm trying to be optimistic, but I have to admit I have some reservations about her plan. I think she is underestimating what she's dealing with, but I could be wrong (and hope I am).

    He was on the lowest dose of Straterra, so there really wasn't a way to wean him off. I didn't think from the lowest dose that he'd need to be weaned..?
  8. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Why would the in-home worker leave, I mean isn't she there to help with this kind of behavior? Maybe you need to look into getting a new worker. That just doesn't seem very professional on her part!!! How is leaving going to help your difficult child, or you for that matter? The "professionals" really tick me off sometimes!!! I would call her supervisor and complain and request someone who is equipped to handle their job!!!

    On a more positive note, how impressive is your easy child! Kudo's to him for stepping in, very mature. Maybe he should be the one with the degree and the paycheck!! :)
  9. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Can you ask in-home's supervisor to review the notes from that visit? Let the supervisor know that you would like to read the notes and talk to him/her about that paticular visit.

    I almost feel like confronting the in-home with the direct question of, "Why did you leave? I can not walk out in this situation and you have recommended I just ignore it. You need to stay to the very end and SHOW me how to ignore this. I have decided that ignoring will not work because I refuse to walk out on my child like you just did. If you are unable to implement a strategy and stay with it until the end, then don't ask me to do so."
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm sorry, I wasn't clear here. She left when her time was up (actually stayed a little longer). But she did nothing to attempt to redirect or intervene while difficult child pelted her with stuff.

    I realize, as professionals, that to some degree they have to see things for themselves, but all attempts at ignoring behavior with difficult child in the past have failed - I do not see how this will be different, but, back to hoop-jumping so she can see, too, that ignoring doesn't work. (but I am not to ignore him to the point that he thinks I am either leaving him or don't love him. Ok, how's that work?)
  11. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    When behavior such as this is ignored, doesn't it just send the message that mom doesn't care what I do. I also think when the behavior has escalated, the child has no control to stop it on his/her own. He or she will just keep going until all the energy is spent. There needs to be an intervention and the kid needs to focus on what just happened. He or she may not be able to explain why but should be able to explain how he or she felt. "I was angry" (but may not know why). How are we suppose to handle our anger? "I was hungry" Wouldn't it have worked better to just ask for a snack?

    There may be times when ignoring is o.k. That may be for showing off behaviour.

    What did In-Home say when she left? What kind of instructions did she give? Did she realize how easy child helped?
  12. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Nope. We're to ignore as much negative stuff as is "safe" and "socially acceptable", to which I laughed because we are neither "safe" nor "socially acceptable" now, and we've been doing A, B, C baskets, which is, essentially, ignoring anything that isn't in the basket you're working on. I explained this, I'm sure you've all had to do, she has to see it herself to beleive it.

    We are to express as little negative as positive. The one and only thing she corrected me on during her visit was telling difficult child, when he was talking to me in babytalk that I couldn't understand, that I didn't like baby talk. I'm not to say that anymore - I am to say "I can't hear babytalk."

    If he gets aggressive, we are to ignore it until he ups the ante and its a safety issue. If the safety in question is our own, we are to remove ourselves, pretending the reason to do so is our own idea, and has nothing to do with his behavior. Other than to say when he hits us "that hurts".

    I think its bogus, but I'm running out of options. When we ignore without attempting to redirect, he generally escalates, and ups the ante til you can't ignore him. Maybe it will be different this time. I'm doubting it, but she's gonna have to see that herself.

    He escalated things again today at school, and his teacher just pulled him out of the classroom and asked him to help her work in the office. It went fine and prevented any big issues. I plan to pick him up early for the next several days, as his issues are happening in the afternoon, mostly. Hopefully break the cycle/habit.
  13. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Shari - I think you're right and she's going to have to see it to believe it, but ... I have to wonder what on earth she's thinking? There are some kids you simply just cannot remove yourself from and still have safety in the home. Gosh, I'm just shuddering here.

    I also think "ow, that hurts" is such a bad idea, just based on life with thank you. That would've been such a reinforcer for him - he won, I hurt, who cared if I ignored him because he'd just escalate until it was impossible safety-wise to ignore any longer.

    Hope she has a fast learning curve. Sorry, don't mean to sound negative but I think she's really missing the point here. Some kids don't care about the lack of response to behaviors - they'll keep going until they do get a response and then, in my book, they're the ones in control. Sigh.
  14. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Sue, I'm so with you.

    At this point, I feel that I am merely hoop jumping. Let them see that its not working, then I hope to really get somewhere. As I said, this lady comes with a lot of background, so I'm not giving up hope that she has something that can be helpful. I just don't think this is it.

    There are really 2 times difficult child goes to blows with people. 1 is when he is out of control and my response will not make a difference. 2 is when he is getting kicks from it, and "ow, that hurts" will just make him happy about it.
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Another vote for NOT saying "ow. that hurt."

    Where do they get these people? There is so little common sense in what she is saying. Let someeon throw stuff at you with-o any attempt to redirect? Does she come back to clean it up?? Or get to make difficult child clean it up??

    I certainly wouldn't want my problem behavior kid in HER problem behavior class. Geez.
  16. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I let the dogs in to clean it up. lol They enjoyed it. But I'm with you.
  17. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Perhaps the poptart experience will be enough of an eye opener for you to have a frank discussion about the ignoring technique an how it is not working!

    Remeber YOU are the expert when it comes to your child. She has experience dealing with many different children. Ask her for what other techniques she might suggest.

    Good Luck
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Holy cow.
    She sounds useless. How aggravating.