Andre is found!?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ChefPaula1965, Oct 4, 2009.

  1. ChefPaula1965

    ChefPaula1965 Oh my aching back!!

    Good morning!!
    Just wanted to post that Andre has called me. From a blocked number. He wanted to let me know that he was ok and in no type of imminant danger.
    This time he wanted me to help him with his resumee building so he can apply for jobs.. I did not want to discourage him. But most employers will do a background check... there are warrants out for his arrest.. and most employers want workers to have a certain type of appearance. With Andre's face tatoo that he got in jail.... that is going to put a damper on him the rest of his life. I did try to encourage him to turn himself in... of course he will not take this route...
    I am glad that he says he is ok, but I don't think I will rest easy until he is back behing bars..
    Does that mean I am an uncaring mom?? is this a bad thing for me to hope for?? I just know that Andre is his worst own ennemy but when he is locked up there is a limit to how much harm he can do to himself!! I feel terribly guilty for feeling this way.. Have any of you experienced this before?
    Love Paula
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Absolutely NOT an uncaring mom. You understand all too well what is best for him, and it's not necessarily what he wants. That's not uncaring, that's realisitic and actually protective.

    His choices at this point are his own. You can offer him advice, and help him as much as you are comfortable doing, but don't let him bully or guilt you into doing things you know are not in his best interest (or yours)!

    Also, if there's a warrant out for him, don't let his request for help get YOU into trouble for harboring a fugitive!

    I can only imagine the frustration you're feeling, and I do think you are doing the right thing by keeping your distance. I wish this were easier for you.

  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    No, absolutely are you not an uncaring mom - you are a mom who knows what is best!

    I'm glad Andre called so at least you know that he is ok. Time will tell if he is tracked by the cops through a job. In my state, you have to report each new hire to the state (for garnishment purposes, dead beat dad, etc.). If your state has the same requirement, it won't be long until he's found.

    gvc has a good point regarding harboring - be careful.

  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad that he contacted you and let you know he feels he is not in danger. Please be cautious in the help you give him. As was mentioned, you do not want to get into trouble for harboring a fugitive.

    I am so glad you got to talk to him, but now you need to do the right thing and let the cops know he called. Otherwise you can get in real trouble whenever they catch him.

    I am sorry this is so hard. I hope he does the right thing and turns himself in at some point.
  5. ChefPaula1965

    ChefPaula1965 Oh my aching back!!

    Wow!! this is scarry. If even speaking to him can be seen as harboring him! We are in different states... this is due to when there was a custody battle for him with my mother who tried to tell everyone we were abusing. When she got temporary custody (3 times) she was living in the state Andre is in now. Funny thing.. she wound up throwing him to the curb.. and her husband doesn't want to have anything to do with Andre!!
    I do not think that Andre will be coming this way... I have had to do the wright thing with him too many times. i/e giving his where abouts or just bringing him to the pd or calling 911 on him. It has always been hard. I am not sure I know how to get hold of the authorities in that state, and county.....
    The charges that he had been put in jail and then rehab were all drug related. He has much more severe charges now having to do with weapon traficking. The warrant for his arrest right now is the drug but also writing many bad checks.... They have yet to have all the evidence about the weapons... but are approching that point....
    Wow.. these difficult child are so tough to handle... I just love him so much and want to hug him.... but I know that I probably need to get a hold of the authorities. I feel like a back stabber!!
  6. MyFriendKita

    MyFriendKita Member

  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont think you are in danger of being in trouble just for talking to him on the phone. Not at all. Good you even know 100% for absolute certain he even has warrants out? Who knows...maybe they havent even issued them yet. Paperwork can take time. I know someone who it took 5 months for a bench warrant to be issued on for failure to appear so it can be slow!

    Unless Andre comes to your house to sleep, I wouldnt worry about harbouring a fugitive. Now I am with you on feeling safer knowing they are locked up cause they cant get into more trouble. I know that feeling well. It doesnt make you a bad mom, it makes you a mom who knows that her son is out of control with his impulses. He hasnt grown up enough to control them yet. You just want him to be somewhere safe so he cant ruin what is left of his life. I did too.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is hard to know what to do. I don't know if just talking to him from another state could be seen as harboring him. I think we are just concerned. If you don't know the phone numbers, call the information or look it up on the internet.

    With what you describe as his activities - drugs, gun trafficking, etc - it must just be breaking your heart. I have no idea how our kids fall into this stuff, but they seem to find it wherever they live.

    Just please know that you are not alone. Even if we are not handling the same problems right now, we ARE stiff handling broken mommy hearts, destroyed dreams for our kids, siblings who don't understand why they cannot go see a sibling also.

    We know the pain of a broken heart. If we are not handling it now we will be handling it at some time. Please make sure that don't cut yourself off from the world and all the sources of support out there. I know it is hard, but we care and I know that others care about you to.

    Lots and lots of hugs. Remember you have 2 other children who need you. (For me this was the one thing that kept me going.)
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that you know he is safe.
    You sound like you are holding up well, all things considered.
    Since you didn't know his exact whereabouts, it's not like you could turn him in.
    Just don't let him come in your house if he shows up.
    In the meantime, all you can do is keep your fingers crossed. He'll mess up again and be arrested, you can bet on it.
    So sad.
    Many hugs.
  10. ChefPaula1965

    ChefPaula1965 Oh my aching back!!

    Thank you for your words of encouragement. I have no idea where Andre is right now. That is a good thing I guess since I cannot turn him in if I don't know where he is.
    This hurts alot but I have to keep my life together for the other two kids and the hubby....
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Amazing how well you're holding up.
    More hugs.