AngelaMia--How are you?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by meowbunny, Oct 6, 2007.

  1. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I know I don't know you well, but I've been thinking about you and hoping you're doing okay. If I'm worried, I'm sure your close friends are much more worried. Let us know, please.

  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking about you, too, my friend. Has life stabilized a
    bit since your last post?? Hugs. DDD
  3. Thanks for asking. I'm doing okay. difficult child is still at his job (amazing!) and he is being very supportive of my - seems like the roles have been reversed. I love it when he's here with me. He takes the garbage out, helps me and never says "in a minute". He seems to care more now that I read him the riot act. He DID break into my apartment when I wasn't home because he had no where to go and he needed to hang out somewhere. I explained that this is MY place and while he is welcome while I am here, NO ONE is allowed in when I am not home.

    In the divorce, things have gotten very vicious now and I am settling for what husband wants. They have accused me of stealing his money. Not true but I can't take anymore and I realize that it's not in my best interests, financially and emotionally, to fight anymore. I have sent him emails, asking WHY he is trying to make this so painful for me, but he has manipulated everything and they are threatening a restraining order. That might make things easier for me. They are also saying my mental illness will be easy to prove in court because of my emails and phone calls. I called once, crying, asking how he could accuse me of stealing.

    It's not a crime to be bipolar.

    It's a crime to walk away from someone, to lie to them, to abandon them and everything you own and expect them to take care of all the details. Laundromat today for the first time in 20 years. I sat and counted the scars on my legs from the move and cleaning everything out. I need to pull myself out of this. I have to.

    Time will heal me. Faith will heal me. I will get through this. I WILL. I have no choice.

    SO, no more contact. No more nothing. No more ignored questions, no more making myself feel worse by appearing pitiful. At least I'm down 42 pounds and it hasn't even been 3 months yet!

    It will be final before the end of the year and I can start 2008 fresh.

    Again my friends, thank you for your support and your caring. You will never know how much it means to me.

    Anglea aka Me
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Wrapping my arms around you in a big supportive hug.

    You have the right idea. Don't ask any more questions, there will be no more to be ignored, or twisted. No more ammo.

    That took me an awful long time to understand as well. How can he do this? It is a defense mechanism. All the feelings that were ever there are under lock and key, and he has no access to them. That is the only way he sleeps at night.

    This is not TO you. This is FOR him. And the only way he knows how.

    We are here for you!!
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    If you feel better about your life then I sure am not going to
    question your choices. Each of us is different and we have different outlooks, capabilities, inclinations etc.

    Are you financially stable? Has your attorney reviewed your
    choices from your future perspective? I sure hope so.

    Meanwhile, we are all on your side and hoping that 2008 will be
    the best year ever. Many sincere caring thoughts are coming your
    way. DDD
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm so glad to hear your son is being supportive. I'm sure he'll still be a schmuck at times but at least now when you need him, he understands.

    As to your divorce, I understand you are tired and don't want to fight, but it doesn't sound like you are all that financially secure. Don't let him get away with stealing from you. You don't have to do anything, let your attorney handle it. Definitely avoid contact with that, er, um, male???.

    Hang in there, hon, you are so much stronger than many of us could be in your situation. We're here, we care.

  7. ck1

    ck1 New Member

    Just want to add my ditto's to what everyone else has said. I haven't experienced a divorce but I can imagine how painful it must be, especially without the closure you feel you need. However, it sounds like you have a strong head on your shoulders and you're heading in the right direction--hang in there!

    I'll try to remember Meredith's quote from the last episode of Grey's Anatomy, something to the effect's better to feel success alone than to feel like a failure with someone else. I wish I could remember it right but the point is to feel success alone, you don't need someone to bring you down, you deserve better!
  8. KFld

    KFld New Member

    What a creep!!!!!

    If you feel letting him just have it all is what is best for you, then do it. But if you feel you are going to regret it and it really isn't in your best interestest, just easier right now, then fight it.

    I know even with everything I am going through with my h right now, and it isn't even vicious, there are times I think it would be easier to just give in on certain things, but luckily I have good friends who remind me how much giving in will effect my life down the road. They keep reminding me that every choice I make has to be for me!!
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I know where you are coming from, Angela.

    During my divorce, there were many things I let go of instead of fighting for. I figured it was a small price to pay for peace.

    And in the end, we evened out pretty well anyways.
  10. If you could please remove the woman's name from Gray's Anatomy I would appreciate it. That's my real name. LOL! If he does a search he'll find it!

    I think, in the end, I will be okay. He is taking all of the substantial debt and giving me enough money to get myself a little place. I owned a house when we met and it won't be as nice as that house was, but it's something.

    When he found out that I had wanted a divorce for years, it was like all his responsibility disappeared. It suddenly became MY problem. I had to sell the house, I had to have the tag sale, I had to get a dumpster, I had to clean out the attic and the sheds. He took his clothes and was gone within 7 days.

    My problem is the whys. Why would he just walk away like that and abandon 44 years of things he owned? Why would he tell me he wanted a divorce and then ask for a hug? Why would he tell me that he was tired of watching me kill myself when in reality he was cheating? Why would he steal my journal? WHY would he never say good-bye to a "son" that he raised for 8 years? difficult child 'hates' him for what he has done to me, but he is SO hurt. It's heartbreaking.

    His attorney accuses me of sending "poison pen" letters. I never did that. I never stole from him either. I never called him names, I just keep asking WHY? Since he didn't communicate when we were married, I guess I can't expect much now.

    I pray a lot and ask God (and my Mom) to give me strength to let it be over in my head. I need to let go. I joined a stained glass class which starts soon and it's for 6 weeks so I'm really excited about that!

    Trying to dig my way out. Don't need the embarassment of a restraining order so I'll keep my mouth shut (and my email closed).

    Thanks friends.

    Angela aka Me
  11. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    It took me a long time, but I've learned to not ask why too often. There is rarely an answer and, if there is answer, it's not one I want to hear.

    Have fun im the stained glass class!

    You do sound better. Keep us informed. We care about you.