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Substance Abuse
Angry at Setback
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 713721" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>RN, I just realized I didn't answer your question. It is perfectly fine to tell your son that you need a break. You could tell him that you need a week, a month, etc where you have no contact. I would be sure to tell him that you love him but that his actions are having a negative effect on your health and mental well being.</p><p></p><p>I think that you are still very much in the anger stage. I was in that stage for 10 years! LOL It took two years of therapy for me to get to the point of what they call radical acceptance. That is where you realize that there is nothing you can do to change the situation (your son's drug use) and let it go. It's where you are able to practice loving detachment. You can keep in contact with your son with firm boundaries and have a loving relationship without trying to fix his problems.</p><p></p><p>It is not easy to get there and like I said it took me 10 years. Ironically, when I finally did reach that stage, my daughter decided to change her life.</p><p></p><p>But if I found out tomorrow that she was using again, while I would be sad, it wouldn't really change my life.</p><p></p><p>You have a right to be angry and hurt but ultimately those are your son's choices to make . . . not yours . . . so staying angry and hurt are only hurting you.</p><p></p><p>I hope that makes sense.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 713721, member: 1967"] RN, I just realized I didn't answer your question. It is perfectly fine to tell your son that you need a break. You could tell him that you need a week, a month, etc where you have no contact. I would be sure to tell him that you love him but that his actions are having a negative effect on your health and mental well being. I think that you are still very much in the anger stage. I was in that stage for 10 years! LOL It took two years of therapy for me to get to the point of what they call radical acceptance. That is where you realize that there is nothing you can do to change the situation (your son's drug use) and let it go. It's where you are able to practice loving detachment. You can keep in contact with your son with firm boundaries and have a loving relationship without trying to fix his problems. It is not easy to get there and like I said it took me 10 years. Ironically, when I finally did reach that stage, my daughter decided to change her life. But if I found out tomorrow that she was using again, while I would be sad, it wouldn't really change my life. You have a right to be angry and hurt but ultimately those are your son's choices to make . . . not yours . . . so staying angry and hurt are only hurting you. I hope that makes sense. [/QUOTE]
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