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Anguished Mother
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 696277" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>16 year old stepson has cut us off completely. He has also cut off my W's parents. His birthday is tomorrow,and it will go unacknowledged. My W has texted him extending an offer to celebrate and he will not reply. We have not seen him since April after his partial hospitalization and IEP meeting at school. He was not found eligible for any services, but he was very angry that we took things to that level in response to his violence, and is not willing to forgive us. Add in his enabling, codependent father, with whom he lives, and who allows him to do whatever he wants, and who never backs up my W on anything involving their children, and the end result is a confused, spoiled yet also neglected man-child who has all of the freedom of adulthood with none of the consequences or responsibility. Our younger son tells us that the 16 year old is staying up until all hours of the night, sleeping until 4pm, and their father does nothing to enforce any rules or structure. School will be starting soon and it will be a literal wake up call. </p><p></p><p>At first I felt that SS had no right to cut off anyone because he is a minor and therefore, should not be allowed to make these decisions. I still feel that way, but I have a deeper understanding now of the damage he has incurred as a result of living in a world with literally no boundaries or consequences. He thinks he can do whatever he wants to do, and that is what he is doing. His behavior now - not just cutting off his mother's side of the family, but also not living up to his responsibilities as a son and a student (very smart but lazy and doesn't do his work), having violent tantrums, refusing to take his psychiatric medications - reflects his upbringing.</p><p></p><p>My W is hurt by his cruelty but is not pushing him. I am glad he is out of our lives and hope he stays gone as long as he is the way he is right now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 696277, member: 13303"] 16 year old stepson has cut us off completely. He has also cut off my W's parents. His birthday is tomorrow,and it will go unacknowledged. My W has texted him extending an offer to celebrate and he will not reply. We have not seen him since April after his partial hospitalization and IEP meeting at school. He was not found eligible for any services, but he was very angry that we took things to that level in response to his violence, and is not willing to forgive us. Add in his enabling, codependent father, with whom he lives, and who allows him to do whatever he wants, and who never backs up my W on anything involving their children, and the end result is a confused, spoiled yet also neglected man-child who has all of the freedom of adulthood with none of the consequences or responsibility. Our younger son tells us that the 16 year old is staying up until all hours of the night, sleeping until 4pm, and their father does nothing to enforce any rules or structure. School will be starting soon and it will be a literal wake up call. At first I felt that SS had no right to cut off anyone because he is a minor and therefore, should not be allowed to make these decisions. I still feel that way, but I have a deeper understanding now of the damage he has incurred as a result of living in a world with literally no boundaries or consequences. He thinks he can do whatever he wants to do, and that is what he is doing. His behavior now - not just cutting off his mother's side of the family, but also not living up to his responsibilities as a son and a student (very smart but lazy and doesn't do his work), having violent tantrums, refusing to take his psychiatric medications - reflects his upbringing. My W is hurt by his cruelty but is not pushing him. I am glad he is out of our lives and hope he stays gone as long as he is the way he is right now. [/QUOTE]
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