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Anguished Mother
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 696295" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Sisters Keeper, I agree. You dont owe them one.</p><p></p><p>But the cruelty of not even speaking to somebody because you don't like them is worse than a death. And when you do it to your own parents, it is more likely to happen to you with your own adult children. It often is familial...estrangements tend to run in families. This is an issue I have studied.</p><p></p><p>it is an individual decision though. Parents cut off kids all the time and vice versa. it is getting more pervasive. I know how it feels and would not do it to another loved one unless there was real danger to me. I mean physical danger.</p><p></p><p>I am not super close to my dad, but it doesnt kill me to call him once a week and to let him know I love him, evrn though he is flawed. He is no gem. He screams a lot. Once he said, in a furious voice, that not one of us ever gave him one moment of pleasure, not one. Everyone can brag about his kids but he can't. Blah, blah, blah.</p><p></p><p>I feel sorry for him. I pity his illness. I do not take his nonsense personally. I know something is wrong with him. I am not going to be his best buddy. I ferl he is a narcissist. Yet I know he loves me too and that a straight cut off would hurt him. I choose not to cause him this pain. I dont have to. We live in different states. Usually our short calls are fine. If they aren't,i can tell him I have to go.</p><p></p><p>These are all individual choices. I feel better about me if I dont inflict extra pain on people who have issues. And I dont feel it costs me anything. We are all different due to our experiences and individually.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 696295, member: 1550"] Sisters Keeper, I agree. You dont owe them one. But the cruelty of not even speaking to somebody because you don't like them is worse than a death. And when you do it to your own parents, it is more likely to happen to you with your own adult children. It often is familial...estrangements tend to run in families. This is an issue I have studied. it is an individual decision though. Parents cut off kids all the time and vice versa. it is getting more pervasive. I know how it feels and would not do it to another loved one unless there was real danger to me. I mean physical danger. I am not super close to my dad, but it doesnt kill me to call him once a week and to let him know I love him, evrn though he is flawed. He is no gem. He screams a lot. Once he said, in a furious voice, that not one of us ever gave him one moment of pleasure, not one. Everyone can brag about his kids but he can't. Blah, blah, blah. I feel sorry for him. I pity his illness. I do not take his nonsense personally. I know something is wrong with him. I am not going to be his best buddy. I ferl he is a narcissist. Yet I know he loves me too and that a straight cut off would hurt him. I choose not to cause him this pain. I dont have to. We live in different states. Usually our short calls are fine. If they aren't,i can tell him I have to go. These are all individual choices. I feel better about me if I dont inflict extra pain on people who have issues. And I dont feel it costs me anything. We are all different due to our experiences and individually. [/QUOTE]
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