Annual Mammogram

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by nvts, Sep 22, 2008.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Need I say more?


    I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, 'Hi! I'm Belinda!'
    This! Perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one
    Side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee,
    Strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr?'

    I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.'

    Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
    Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a
    Perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60
    Seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and! Everything nice....
    it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch
    Piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.

    With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally!) to the left
    And said, ''mmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we
    can get everything?'

    Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use
    The remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

    My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob
    wedged between those two 4' pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt
    A zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!
    'What?' I yelled.

    'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda headed for the door.

    'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?' I shouted.

    Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy ... The door's wide open
    So you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'

    Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared.
    And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinarine,
    found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the
    Other part smashed between glass!

    After exchanging polite 'Hi, how's it going ' type greetings, Bubba (or
    Possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

    Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible.
    'Uh, yes, yes I did. Thanks.' !

    'You bet, take care', Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been
    Standing in the line at the grocery store.

    Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no
    Attempt to suppress her amusement, she said , 'Oh I am soooo sorry! The
    Power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to
    Lunch. Are we upset?'


    'And that,Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps

    Just a friendly reminder that we should all have them done annually!

  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Very cute, Beth.

    Reminds me of the 1st pl winner in the Erma Bombeck contest about 3 yrs ago. In that rendition, it was some sort of fire alarm.
    (And the patient left the bldg, never to return.)

    I guess I DO have to go in for my annual. Thanks for the reminder. :) :(
  3. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    The part that sounded like something that would happen to me is where the maintenance staff comes in while I am in the firm grip of the machine.
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I got this as an email once, printed it off and gave it to my Dad's neighbor. She is in radiology (specifically mammograms) and is referred to as the boob lady in the neighborhood. After recently having the pleasure of my first, I told her that if she ever did this to anyone I knew where she lived! LOL