Just received an email from my conduct disordered son today. He switches his SIM card between two phones. Easier I guess when you don't know when you'll get a chance to charge batteries while on the streets. Just informed me he lost his SIM card. He has no way of contacting me now. On his way walking to next County to look for work. His right knee is wrapped in ace bandages. ER says he needs surgery on it. Not sure if it's a torn ligament or torn meniscus. Needs further evaluation. I've had a bilateral torn meniscus. I know what level of pain this is. But he will keep walking. I think about things like battery operated heated gloves, socks, blankets, knee brace, solar powered cell phone chargers. Then I have a moment of clear thinking, just more for him to carry. The struggle to get him to say yes. PO Box so far away now. And I let go. But letting go does not stop the heart ache. Just the senseless thinking, senseless efforts to solve, senseless efforts to save. Our state just got its first blanket of snow. I know how the weather affects this kind of pain. I am powerless. Today is my other son's birthday. Just got off the phone with him. Trying to act happy. Not wanting to spoil his B'day. But I did have to let him know about his brother. It is also Veteran's day. My husband is a Viet Nam vet. And me? I just want to curl up into a fetal position and cry. Except I can't. I know I need to. But I'm numb.