Another birthday approaches for the ....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Jun 20, 2008.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    tweedles on July 5th. Another birthday apart.

    I have already planned the "celebration" for kt. She's asked for a Culver's ice cream cake & a new bike (which she really needs). She'd like ribs for her birthday dinner & a movie outing. We can do that.

    wm is another story. It's becoming more difficult to plan holidays & bdays as a family of different addresses. wm feels left out & like a second rate citizen. wm wants only video games & therapeutically that's out. husband & I would like to get wm a new bike (he needs one as well) but he doesn't have any out of yard priviledges. His lack of impulse control doesn't make him safe to go out in the community with-o a constant one on one safe. Foster mum asked us to wait a year for a new bike.

    So I'm thinking of getting my little explorer wm a metal detector. I haven't gotten foster mum's approval (I want to follow her rules), yet I see this as a good fit for wm & his curiosity. As to the "celebration" husband & I are working out the logistics ~ it's proving more difficult this year for some reason. Their birthday falls on a holiday weekend; I know that kt won't have respite that weekend (which would help considerably).

    I know that after kt & wm's last visit together & it's almost 7 month impact that we cannot even consider a birthday visit. It's detrimental to them both.

    So it seems that husband will visit wm on his birthday (after our kt celebration) & I will go out the day after. Foster mum always has a cake for the kids on their bdays so wm will not miss out on his birthday. I just won't be there to see him blow out the candles. Sigh.

    Another year gone by......such a difference. kt making so many positive strides, wm stuck.

    Maybe next year.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I imagine this gets harder for you. I think it's a good decision to not have kt and wm together for their birthdays. The bike sounds great for kt and I think the metal detector is a great idea for wm. Hopefully next year will continue to find kt making such great progress and wm will begin to make strides himself. Hugs.
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member


    This has to be so hard on you. But it is the right thing for the tweedles. Kt is doing so much better, a birthday party isn't worth the risk of undoing all her good work. But it is so hard that it can't be the way it is suppose to be. Wm will get three birthday celebrations -- one with husband, one with you and one with foster mom.

    Maybe next year he'll have made enough progress to see kt,
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    You and husband have worked out a plan that benefits both children. Wm gets a one on one visit with both parents! Kt gets a celebration where she is the star.

    I would just caution on the metal detector. difficult child has one and he loves it. But he really only uses it at the beach where it doesn't matter if you dig a hole. Don't think foster mum would be too happing if wm were to go about digging holes in the bag yard!!

  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    So, a hard and happy time of the year. KT will love a new bike. I like the metal detector idea for WM as long as he doesn't dig too many holes. Is there a sandbox at his foster home? Maybe you can arrange some metal objects (coins?) to be hidden before your visit. husband can present the metal detector and you and WM can go on a treasure hunt. Have WM do the candles again during your visit.
  6. I can't imagine. It sounds like you have a good plan going though. I hope that kt enjoys her birthday and hopefully wm will enjoy his as well. Wm will get some one on one visit time in which I am sure will be nice.

  7. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Just wanted to send you some cyber {{{hugs}}}. Hang in there and God bless. :)
  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Can he have art supplies? I remember the picture you posted of him painting. They have the wonder markers that don't mark on anything, you can buy a set of the pens and then a couple pads of the blank paper. Does he like Floam? I know He is functioning at a younger age, I am trying tho think of things that might engage him but can't hurt him or others and are not destructive in any way, non-toxic, yet are truly fun! Soothing. The floam never dries out and can be remolded again and again. K loves it. Even if he acts like he hates it at the time he may be persuaded into doing it later?

    I think you are making the best of something that could be so much worse. You have really helped both of them. One day at a time. WM most likely has come along in more ways than you think. It is probably hard at times to stand back and see. Just think if you hadn't been in his life at all?
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    My heart hurts for you after reading this. And for wm.

    I like Totoro's idea about the art supplies. Or what about a telescope (I only mention it because Copper was the twins age when I got her one, and she was really into it).

  10. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm so sorry. Birthdays should be a day of celebration. To have twins that have to be separated, to have one feel second-rate, to have parents not be able to celebrate the way they wish on such an occasion is just unfair. I wish wm could see that his behavior is causing this separation and that somehow, some way something could get through his block and makes things even a little better.

    Many hugs to all of you.
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I appreciate the thoughts - guess I was having a plain ole pity party. For some "inexplicable" reason, I'd like to see my tweedles celebrate their birthday together. It's just the mom in me.

    I know I have a workable solution for this year's birthday celebration. AND I will make the best of a icky situation.
  12. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    It is very understandable, the Mom in you. I can only empathize.
  13. Christy

    Christy New Member

    This isn't something parents should have to face. I am sorry that the day presents such a challenge but it sounds like you have worked out the best solution possible.
  14. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member

    No shame in the occasional pity party, in fact I think they can be very therapeutic.

    I'm sorry you have to have separate birthday celebrations. Maybe someday they will be able to celebrate together. This year, though, it sounds like you've worked out the best possible scenario.