Another court hearing tomorrow

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tpcmom, Aug 29, 2007.

  1. tpcmom

    tpcmom New Member

    I'm so tired today, difficult child had me up all night last night throwing up and he is loud, did I say LOUD! Jeesh!

    With everything going on, I call atty. and he said he has 3 options, 1 take the plea (2-4) try and negotiate (they aren't backing down right now on this), 2) plead open guilty try and negotiate it, let judge decide (supposedly woman fair) or go to trial. How the heck am I supposed to decide or difficult child to decide on what to do? We've never gone thru this before, I want him to get rehab, asked for this, don't know if atty asked, don't know what is best option, he isn't going to know (difficult child) what to do, if he goes to a state prison, I'm afraid for him. He won't make it, then I'll lose 2 sons. I can't handle the thought of this, why can't they send these people who need the help to go get the help instead of locking them up and making it worse. I know this is coming from a mother's heart, but I am seriously worried if he gets sent to state prison he will die. I can't handle this at all. He is a mess, he cries all the time, but yet he doesn't try and get help, he never looked for ajob, he won't go to nar anon, or counseling I think he just decided he is going away why try??? Sure sounds like this by talking with atty.

    I'm a mess, and hoping my sister can go with me. Dealing with difficult child in am before court is close to impossible. I had to take a xanex last time he had me so upset. Saying he is going to kill himself, etc. It's a nightmare. And with Tim gone, I just feel so useless, so incomplete, like I just don't care anymore because nothing I do ever comes about right, nothing seems to work out. I want him to get help so badly, I'm so wishing all this never happened, there is nothing I can do and I don't even know anything about the legal system at all, I wouldn't even know where to start. I remeber, I think it was Ant's mom?? who said about getting an 800 #???? Janet is that right??? I'm thinking all the worse only because that's what always seems to happen lately.

    Atty needs to talk with difficult child, and give him all this so he is aware of it, because I'm sure not telling him! Plus, he (atty) said he wants to ask for another delay, why would we keep delaying this? Is there any sense to delay the inevitable???? I don't understand this, I'm so clueless!
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Bette, I can't imagine the strain. Like you need this on top of everything else.

    Do you trust the attorney? What is he recommending? Can you submit a letter to the court that the judge can read?

    Hugs to you. I don't have any idea what else to suggest.

  3. tpcmom

    tpcmom New Member

    I found this atty by chance so I don't know how much you can trust any of them, sorry if there are any atty's out there :smile:

    He hasn't recommended anything which is getting me upset as I keep asking him questions and he doesn't really seem very helpful. I didn't know you can sumbit a letter to the court, can you do that? I mean I would because I'm just so devestated by everything that is happening and really want to see him get help that he needs, he got addicted to pain pills when he was injured on two separate occassions. Not that that is an excuse but it is reality. He would never have done what he did, if it wasn't for being messed up.

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member


    If your state prison system is anything like mine, if they get sentenced then right away they get sent to what is basically an evaluation center. What this does is do a basic medical, mental health, substance abuse, and work evaluation.

    They are looking for people who have medical issues that need addressing, mental health issues that need a harder look at such as bipolar, schizophrenia, etc, substance abuse treatment, and then the evaluate them for what type of work or educational assistance they can do. if your son is like my son and he has any sort of substance abuse problems and mental health history..Mine is bipolar and has a pot history...he would definately need to be seen in the psychiatric unit to get stabilized on medications before they could put him in to the general population...if they ever could. In my state they actually have a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for the more intense mental health/sub abuse inmates where they keep them in there for their sentences and then transfer them to halfway houses and then out. Case management follows them. It was what I was ideally looking for if my son got any active time on his charges. We shall see.

    You could ask the court for something like that.

    Even if you cant ask the court it is entirely possible that the prison system themselves my see for themselves the condition of your son and send him there. Ask his lawyer when you talk to him/her to push for it.
  5. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    the sentences under two yrs are done in county jail. there is no evaluation done in the three co jails ant went to. state prisons may do more. donna on the board here is a good one for info on that.

    the 800 number cannot be used by inmates. I only got that so kaleb's mom could call me. you can get that thru your local phone co. the calls you receive you pay at 15 cents a minute. his mom has a cell phone now so I dropped the 800 number. there is a service called Inmate Telephone Service, (ITS) you put money on acct with them in PA and they let the prisoner talk til the money is used up. county jails here allowed 15 min calls. the rate is high.

    I dont know about state prison but I believe ant will be there in october. the only laywer I ever got for ant was last year. I only got him because he promised he could help get ant into a rehab, a lockdown one for two yrs. with family visits allowed. he didnt get it and it cost me 500.00. ant is whining for a lawyer this time and I am not paying. it costs 750.00 for a lawyer to go to one hearing here. ant can use a public defender.

    wait and see what unfolds and pray things go better than expected. we will wait with you.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Here they move em up and over. They want them out and into the doctor as fast as possible. I think even if you get a felony conviction that will carry a sentence of one year or less you go into doctor. Jails are basically holding cells for trials.
  7. tpcmom

    tpcmom New Member

    Well his atty said that he would suggest he do an open guilty and let judge decide because right now judge is a pretty decent woman. She may give less, she may give more. he said I will get a chance to address her. He also said the due to the fact he has an addiction he will request somewhere that is fairly close I forge the name it's in Chester, Pa but they address more of the drug problems then a regular prison would. So keep fingers crossed that if he does do time, which looks highly likely to me, then he gets placed here where he can get some help too.

    I'm just worried sick, I'm tired, I cry for my baby, I cry from difficult child and I cry for my easy child because I feel I'm not here for him. My heart is in a tiny million pieces. I just hope I can make it thru all this. I will be alone, easy child will be going to college, working part time, and he is not home alot. I don't want to be alone, because when I am I cry and cry and I'm sad because Tim is gone. I couldn't bear it.

    Thank you all for your prayers. I will post tomorrow and let you know. Right now he is going to ask for a continuance to give us time to figure out what will happen and this way we will keep same judge.
  8. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    you are never alone Bette. just reach out, make a call, type a post, go to a neighbor or friend. if it is the middle of the night, talk to God.
  9. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Bette............I want you to know that I am praying for you and your son about tomorrow.

    I KNOW that you will have the strength to get through this, and that regardless of the outcome, your son will also have the strength to get through this. Do not let your mind wander in any other direction than positive.
    You will get through this, and so will your son. You will, he will - no other options are viable.

    Peace, hugs, and prayers are going your way.
  10. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I agree. Whatever the outcome you WILL get through it. I thought I would not get through things that happened to me. I was thinking about them first and when anything I wasnt expected happened I got through it better than I thought. Sometimes blessings come in disguises! :angel:
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I was going to suggest a medical continuance. That gives an opportunity to explore medical needs and appropriate action.
    If you have a good Judge absolutely hang on to her.

    If you know that you are going to have an opportunity to speak
    then take a piece of paper and write down the few most important
    things you want the Judge to know. Try to be brief but be
    accurate and sincere.

    I will pray that all goes well because I can not even imagine
    how much stress you are under right now. You will get through
    it, but I am sorry it is so painful. Hugs. DDD
  12. Sammie

    Sammie New Member


    My entire career I worked for the department of corrections... I worked in INdiana and Maryland.. overseeing inmate medical care.. It looks like you are from PA... The company that provides Medical and mental health care in PA is PHS (Prison Health services).. PHS has a good reputation in your state for providing health care.... I do not know if PA is like IN or MD, but in both those States an inmate gets 1 day off his sencence for each day served for good behavior... So if he got a 2 year sentence and follows the rules he could be released in only 1 year... Also, many states give a 6 month reduction in sentence for completing substance abuse or rehab.... so that could knock time served down to only 6 months....You will have to check the laws in your state... I do not know your sons history or what his charges are but if he is a first time felon.. he won't be hit so hard.... If he does do time... encourage him to attend all the substance abuse and self-help programs.... In indiana you can take college classes while in prison and inmates are eligble for pell grants............ hope this helps some... my thoughts are with you (One thing they don't usually treat ADD in Prison)
  13. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Bette, I am sure you know, but just in case you didn't, please check out the Watercooler for more support sent your way.
  14. tpcmom

    tpcmom New Member

    thanks guys, you are so wonderful. Well the atty told difficult child his options, we got 2 week continuance. I think he might take the pleas of 2-4. Atty was saying try open pleas and let judge decide but she could give him more and i think that worries difficult child. he was crying when we got hom, he kept telling me he was sorry sorry he did this to me and have me go thru all this especially atfter Tim died. My heart is breaking.

    I do hope that if he does this atty said he will request one place out in Chester and they help people with substance abuse. Still a prison but not one of the realy bad ones like upstate PA. and poor thing is still sick he was up all night throwing up the night before and then this morning had the runs.

    He hasn't eaten and is now laying down. I told him if this happens, I will move by the time he gets home so he will not be around where Tim died and the environment of it all around him. This I will keep my promise on. Tim wanted to move a ways back, so I'll be doing it for him too. Even if I have to just get an apartment. Right now my mtg is so low, having an apt. would cost more than my mtg. but I would do it anyway.

    Thanks for the prayers, keep them coming :smile: and pray he gets into a facility that would benefit him and can turn his life around. I told him aftewards that he needs to use this to his advantage, not to look at it as the end of his life, but a beginning. Sammie, I was telling him just what you said in your post, go to everything that is offered, classes, therapy, counseling, everything! Hope he takes my advice this time.

  15. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Thanks for the update Bette. It sounds like it went as well as could be expected, given the circumstances. I hope you were able to find a small ray of peace in knowing that possibly your son could get the help he needs now. It sounds like he certainly is trying to turn his life around, and he seems truly remorseful, which is the first step in change.

    I like the moving idea, a lot. I think I would have to do the same thing - start over, and have a new surrounding in order to mentally move on with my life.

    Continue to take care, and you will continue to be in our prayers.
  16. KFld

    KFld New Member

    It's nice when you get an attorney who fights to get him into a program that he would benefit from. My difficult child's attorney got him into a state rehab for 45 days two years ago. He got the judge to agree to it because he felt that is what my son would benefit from the most and he did. He had 2 felony charges at the time and his probation consisted of completing the program and no more arrests for 2 years. He did it and his charges were dismissed. He has no felony record.

    I hope something like this can happen for your son.
  17. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Hoping for the best, Bette!! Keeping the fingers crossed.
  18. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Phew/Whew! Had to check for an update before bed. What a relief
    that there is some time to analyze the situation. Hugs. DDD
  19. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.
  20. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    You and yours are in my prayers too.