Another day another crisis

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Mar 12, 2010.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Tweedle update ahead - warning it's ugly.

    wm called me yesterday - he'd stolen $500 from a member of his foster family (foster mum); she thought she'd had it well secured but my son's boundaries knows no bounds.

    wm keeps telling everyone he has no impulse control; I let him know that was pure BS - he's not stuffing movies down his pants when he's in the store nor is he stealing video gaming systems or games. wm is in his own version of he!! even as we speak.

    In the meantime, I was updating kt's computer that she uses for her SIMS - she broke through all (with help from a friend she brought into my home in the middle of the night) security measures & had posted ugliness.

    kt set these things up before she even got home for good ~ as we were to be building trust.

    Last week kt brought a man (not teenager) into my hope & videotaped herself & posted it; I'm beyond angry, I'm now terrified for the safety of my home.

    A call into the team has them looking for an out of home placement soonest. As my daughter cries to me she doesn't need the help - she's screaming that I'm abandoning her once again. kt also isn't understanding the danger she put herself & me into by bringing a total stranger into my home.

    When kt was discharged from Residential Treatment Center (RTC) she was told the team would be watching - that if I couldn't effectively parent or keep her safe because of my physical limitations that she would be removed from the home.

    Plan B goes into effect as soon as possible. The team has been watching me closely; my health, my memory & ability to parent. kt has used this against me & is now crying wolf & that she's been set up.

    I saw this coming for kt. I've been afraid for the last week or two; no way am I safe in this house after what I read on My Space & in kt's email, not to mention the few times she's had a phone the texts she's been receiving & sending.

    The phone is down for good. No access anyhow to the internet as the modem will be pulled out of her machine. It's a school machine.

    If you've read the entirety of this I thank you ~ if not, it's the same stuff different hour, day, month, year with tweedles dee & dum.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Linda,
    I'm so sorry. I hate that kt has put you in danger. I'm sorry Wm is also struggling. I hate, really hate, mental illness. Many gentle hugs and continued prayers.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    Do you have a security/alarm system for your house? If not, you better get one. Plus one of those alarms you wear on your person for medical or other emergencies, just in case? It sounds like they can't find a safe bed for kt soon enough.

    Is FM pressing charges on wm? Will he need to to leave this placement now?

  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I agree with TM about an alarm/security system. I'm so sorry you no longer feel safe. Sending hugs and prayers that Plan B goes into effect ASAP.
  5. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member


    All I can say is that I did read your whole post and am shocked and saddened. I suspect you have spared us some ugly details. I am so sorry that both kids are really really pushing the limits.
    Hugs. P.
  6. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Oh Linda. I'm so sorry.

    I can tolerate a lot of things, but not feeling/being safe in my home is one thing I cannot and will not tolerate. For too many years I wasn't safe in my home.

    I strongly suggest an alarm system. You seem to have good neighbors. Could you ask them to keep a look out for suspicious activity? Could you get extra police patrols through your neighborhood? If you let them know what's been going on and your current health condition, I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem.

    I'm so sorry kt and wm insist on making bad choices. I'm so sorry for your hurting mommy heart. And at the same time, I share your anger.
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    YOu don't need security for what wm did. And depending on what kt has been up to, once word is out tat she's back in placement somewhere, I doubt anyone will come looking for her at your place. It does depend on exactly what she's been posting, and if she's been wittingly or unwittingly setting you up for a home invasion. A good security system may make you feel more secure at this time, I'd like to think you won't need it. But I don't know all the circumstances and I don't know your area.

    A question: your earlier threads when you mentioned various people on the team expressing concern about your ability to parent at the moment, given your health and other issues - was this them really noticing independently, or was it kt trying to cry "poor me" and also devalue anything you might say or 'tell on' her? You know - you tell the team, "Kt was inappropriate this week," and kt responds with, "How would she know? She's been so ill, she sleeps all the time," and your credibility goes out the window, and kt gets away with whatever you were trying to alert the team to.

    Am I close?

    In which case - I hope your reputation with the team has now been restored.

    It is too easy for people to take the easy option and only see the disability, not what you are still capable of doing. This makes it easy for people to abuse this and do harm to your good name. I had a stalker do this to me - he was writing letters about me, alleging my incompetence on the grounds of my ill-health (and alleged drug addiction!) at the same time as urging confidentiality (in extremely strong legal terms) re his letters and emails. My reputation, credibility and authority was badly undermined and it was only because the people the creep was talking to had more sense of honour than creep could ever understand, that I found out about it.

    If this is what kt has been up to, even slightly, then she has, as you say, brought this all on herself.

    That's why I say in my sig, "Body's cactus, brain still works!"

    Hang in there. You have acted strongly, and without wasting time. Consequences.

  8. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Linda.... I'm so sorry.

    One thing has me really irritated on your behalf though. This has absolutely *nothing* to do with your health, or "ability to parent", and I think that this should be made very clear to the team because it has a bearing on her placement, in my humble opinion. Kt could be living with the most fit and healthy parent in the world, and this garbage would still be going on. The team lost its focus. You're not the one who needs monitoring, Linda, and really... I'm quite outraged that you seem to have become the center of attention from *kt's* team. It's bologna, pure and simple.

    They returned kt home without, in my humble opinion, appropriate supports and a backup plan. Realistically, Linda, kt needs 24/7 supervision and *no* parent can do that. Heck, Residential Treatment Center (RTC) couldn't do that. The team set you both up for failure. I just get the sense that they were more tuned in to your struggles while completely disregarding kt's established pattern of behaviors and their escalation.

    The team has been watching *you* closely? To what end? Would anything have been different had you been in top shape? No, I don't believe so. No one can keep kt safe if she continues to make these choices - not Residential Treatment Center (RTC), not a foster placement, nothing short of a locked placement. I think that the team needs to refocus on her and recognize the huge challenge it will be to keep her safe. kt has her agenda, fueled by so many distorted thought processes.

    This is not your failure or fault. This didn't work not because of your health but because kt is kt. Don't you dare let her, or the team, put this on you, hon. kt is abandoning you by virtue of her continued and escalating dangerous choices.

    I'm just afraid that if the team chalks this all up to your health (really, I'm just burning up over that), they will make a poor choice by incorrectly assuming that placing her with a more physically able caretaker, the problem will be solved. kt is like sand... she will take the smallest opportunity and exploit it to its max.

    Wm... bless his heart. Frustrating when they turn years of therapy around and use it against us. I'm glad you called him on his bologna. How is this going to be handled by FM and the team?

    I very strongly agree with- getting a security system, Linda. It needs to be done for your safety.

    Many gentle hugs to you, my friend. I'm so terribly sorry.
  9. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Amen, Sue.
  10. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda, you know my thoughts after our conversation last night. I hope this morning dawns and kit is a little more in control.

    Be strong sister, hugs.

  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ditto slsh!

    I am so sorry you are facing this, Linda. Kt is sure determined isn't she? Determined to be in dangerous situations. How can any house stop that determination?
  12. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Linda, another thought. You might want to check craigslist to see if there is anything posted there that needs to come down.
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It sounds like KT has identified that mysterious "line in the sand" for you. I'm truly sorry and hope that the next steps
    you take will allow you to feel proud of all your efforts in the past and bring hope for the future. Many hugs. DDD
  14. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I am so sorry that it has come to this. I was so hopeful for you both!
  15. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Couldn't have said it better than SLSH. Ditto, ditto, ditto.

    I'm so sorry.

  16. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member


    Sue summed it up perfectly. This is not your fault. Kt needs more supervision than she can possibly get in a home. I'm so sorry that she has pushed it to this point.

    Call me if you need to chat. We can talk about this or you can get me off my butt to start painting!
  17. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Thank you ladies ~ it's been a long, harsh weekend. kt is, of course, beyond the confrontation that happened this past Friday & doesn't believe that she has stepped over the line. She's moving "forward" in her own little world, wanting her cell back, her computer back. When do I get it back mom? How about never??? When she's not going on about this or that she's been dissociative. Can't win here.

    As for the team, I've had several conversations over the weekend & I've made it clear that this isn't about my ability to parent....kt is the one making choices here.

    I'm sure the drama will continue today.....again thank you.
  18. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Sounds like she has buried herself in the sand. Sue has said it quite well.

    I don't think a chastity belt would keep KT down at this point! I am so sorry but your home needs to be a bit of a haven for you. Even if only for a few moments out of your day.
    It doesn't sound like it is at all right now.

    What the heck is WM gonna do with 500$ ?

    You stay grounded and keep trudging forward.