Another day, another drama, this time, a boys' fight

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Dec 16, 2011.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I just sent this email to the school asst principal and the counselor. Just for the record, E's mom is a bit emotional, and a single mom who is a control freak. Still, I think this is valuable and valid information. She checks his text msgs every night when he goes to bed.

    Dear Ms. F and Ms. B:

    I just got a call from E's mom, W. She checked his text msgs from
    last night and it appears as though difficult child and perhaps someone else is/are
    planning on getting into a fight today against T. People were taking sides and
    T's girlfriend, K, will of course be on his side. I'm not sure how
    much N knows or is involved, but she is difficult child's girlfriend. I spoke
    with T's mom, S, and she was planning on having T take the bus home
    and then go to a class (maybe archery?) so I will pick up difficult child before he gets
    on the bus. I am hoping that if I am in the bldg by 2:30 that should be plenty
    of time.

    Could you please keep an eye on the boys to make sure they don't
    deliberately instigate anything at school in preparation for a later fight? (I
    think T is unaware of this all). If necessary, take away difficult child's phone, because
    they have been communicating via texting.

    Their idea is to choose a location where no one will see, so I highly doubt
    that they will return to school property. Still, keeping them apart all day will
    be most helpful. I will deal with it tonight and on the weekend.

    difficult child has never planned anything like this before so I'm not sure whether
    he would really follow through, but I don't want to take any chances.

    Thank you for your assistance in this matter.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I emailed a male friend and asked him for his opinion on boys that age, and whether they would follow through (since, at about age 43, he once went through 8th gr, that made him an expert :) ). Here's his reply:

    Yes, boys will follow through and fight unless there is some other incident to prevent the fight or alter opinions. It can be as easy as one of them apologizing, but, as you well know, 8[SUP]th[/SUP] grade boys are not known for that. Of course, now that parents and faculty have interceded, that might be enough to prevent a fight.
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I really hope the plan you have put into place works. It's a good thing the other mom saw the texts AND called you. I would have hated for this to happen and realize there was a way to prevent it. The other mom sounds like me. I check texts and calls on my boys' phones all the time. They were told that part of getting a phone is that they are not allowed to delete texts or phone records. If they do, the phone goes bye bye. I know, controlling but I just don't trust them yet.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm going to make a trip to TMobile today ... I hope they can help me retrieve the msgs, and come up with-ideas.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    That sounds like a good plan. My sister has gps tracking and text saving added to her kids phones. I know if the phone company does not have it, like on the pre paid phones, you can purchase plans. not just hte numbers but the texts and websites are saved so you can check. I think there is one with the word nanny in it and now it has changed to phone sheriff or something like dumb sister told I said you do know now that htey are gong to set their phones at their friends house and then go do something out of the house. Now you need to add that they MUST answer your calls by VOICE (so no friend does a text) with in 10 minutes and that if you ever find they are not where they say they are the phone and going out with friends is gone for a long time! lol.... I just about died when she told them right there in front of me.... hahahaha
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Buddy!

    I didn't have time to go to TMobile. I had to run over to P's asst living ctr to pick up her afternoon medications, even though she has a companion who drives her everywhere, in this case, to the neurologist's ofc. The head of nursing is cracking down on letting anyone except family or POA take medications out of the bldg.
    Then I sat through the appointment.
    Then I zoomed to school and picked up difficult child. He was so miffed! Wanted to know why he couldn't walk home with-his friend, E. I told him I wanted to spend time with-him. HAhahhahaha! I know that was lame. And he didn't believe me.
    I drove to husband's ofc and got therapy and an adjustment, and husband walked out to the car and told difficult child that we can read all of his emails and texts and know that he was going to have a fight today. difficult child said he wasn't, because his girlfriend told him not to. (That's the only reason?) On the way home, I said, "Do you know what I used to do b4 you were born? I was a reporter. I gathered information on people and then decided whether it was worth publishing."
    I thought I'd let that sink in a bit. I doubt he'll put it together.
    In the meantime, we're keeping the boys apart all weekend.
    Next wk, however, is another story. I suspect I'll have to pick him up all week. Or all yr.
    But at least I can stop by TMobile b4 I get him.
  7. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    When my oldest son was in 6th grade, a "fight for hire" was set up. This was before 6th graders commonly had cell phones and texted. Apparently, one boy had engaged another, larger boy, to beat up a kid he didn't like. The disliked kid had no clue. Someone saw a large crowd of kids gathering in a parking lot near the school and called the cops, who broke it up. EVERY kid who was present got detention. My son was one of the few kids who didn't; he wasn't popular enough to be invited to the event!

    More recently, H and I are alternate contacts for a widowed friend of ours. Her son attends an out of district school for kids with LDs and emotional issues. The AP from the district HS called me and said that he had been shown texts indicating that this boy was planning on meeting another kid at the park "to whup your a**" amongst other things that very day. I finally got hold of my friend, who had just dropped her son off at the movies ( 2 blocks from the park) - she turned around and caught him at the park as the other kid was entering from a different entrance! Close call.

    I agree that E's mom did you and your son solid by letting you know. I also think that difficult child's reason for deciding not to fight (his girlfriend didn't want him to) is valid. It shows that the good opinion of another person is important to him and that's a sign of maturity. Also, the girlfriend was not egging him on to fight, which speaks well of her.

    I wish it was easy.