Another fun thread....

[Pink Elephant]

Hi, Copabanana!

I indeed did and thoroughly enjoyed it! So fun to think outside the box.

Yes, I loved Maude, and always thought she was the quintessential example of a classy woman. Her hair, clothes, makeup, the way she carried herself, as classy as they get. I miss that old show.

Okay, now that I understand where your "brass" point was coming from, yes, I'd have to say there's a little brass within me. Between the hair styles of both women, mine is bang-on.

I looked up Sally Bowles, to get an idea about you. Totally fun! And as for Lady Gaga, wow! I totally love her!

Love your hard-boiled analogy of Endora. Not to sound mean or anything, but I tended to rule the home with an iron-fist. When my kids stepped out of line, guaranteed, I was hot on their heels! LOL! The wooden spoon was the most important tool in my mommy toolbox! LOL!

Will await to hear about your dilemma.

 

[Copabanana]

Let me explain my predicament. It is lifelong so not an easy fix. My mother was a gorgeous woman. Nobody ever had a prettier mother. Or a more self-indulgent one. When I was a little girl she divorced my father, who also at that time was singularly handsome, tall and charming. Nobody else had a Dad like that.

When my mother divorced, she went back to work and out to find another man. I was transfixed by her closet: I would play in there with her shoes, her hats, her coats. She had 3 long coats: a camel's hair, a cashmere and a regular wool coat. At the time she was threatening to put us in foster care.

I was a beautiful little girl who felt like a waif. I lacked confidence. But secretly I longed to be seen, to show myself. I wanted to be an artist and I wanted to dance. I did not have the support or strength to do either one. Instead I did what my mother needed: I adored and worshipped her beauty. My own light went under a basket.

I longed to show myself as this, as I see you:

of as a composition, a theatre of self-presentation

Instead, I hid. Except for short periods of my life, (like when I lived abroad) or while in graduate school, I played down my appearance.

My mother died 3 and a half years ago. I really, really fell apart. I went to bed and isolated myself for almost 3 years, and stopped working. One way I coped was to shop, largely by internet. A large part of the shopping was for clothes. It was compulsive but I also had this secret desire to do what I see you as doing: as composing yourself like a piece of art, for your own pleasure and self-esteem, a self-creation. I love this idea. Although I have a great deal of shame and regret about my lack of self-control, self-indulgence and disregard of the consequences. Of the shopping.

"Sally Bowles isn't just a complicated character, in all her craving for attention and validation and love and security while not knowing how to tell any of it apart from the other. She's a hot mess of a role to play."

So here are my two alter-egos, Sally Bowles and my aspirational self-representation, Lady Gaga. Sally Bowles is brassy. Actually, both of them are.

Oh. I forgot something important. Actually the most revealing thing, which I cannot get over. I wear one set of clothing. One. (Except for the 3 months I went back to work, I dressed fairly well.) One. set. of. clothing. I wash these clothes every night. You can imagine what they look like. This is a willful act. I choose it. But at the same time I feel no control to stop it.

I bought maybe 100 pair of earrings. Maybe 25 pair of shoes, boots, etc. Maybe 35 pair of jeggings, pants, skirts. Maybe 100 scarves. I could go on. Much of this was with the intention of returning to work (I have a profession) even though I do not have to. And much I bought with the idea of a move to another climate. Cold. All of this was bought to live another life which I do not have because I have not created it. I seem to be in the process of re-creating myself. It seems to be a lot of it related to who I am without my mother and who I was with her.

I feel as if I am wanting to emerge from a cocoon, but I am missing an essential piece to free myself, and I do not know what.

"Sally Bowles isn't just a complicated character, in all her craving for attention and validation and love and security while not knowing how to tell any of it apart from the other. She's a hot mess of a role to play."

Sally Bowles was not in control. Her energy, her desire as I recall the movie (40 years ago or more) was spewed out...in a way she could not think through or own. Kind of the opposite as how you describe yourself, as intentional and deliberate and in control of the result, to the extent you can...thank you very much. And in Sally Bowles' lack of control, she made herself vulnerable to the world. She lost control of her gifts...which put her in peril. That is how I am imagining her. Remembering her.

What shifted in 2 generations to Lady Gaga was exactly this: Lady Gaga writes her own story. Her desire SHE controls.

She knows who she is and where she wants to go. She goes with confidence, integrity, verve and creativity. She seems to be true to herself. She has a life of self-creation, self-display, and voice. She seems to be truly manifesting herself and building a life which is unique and meaningful.

Sally Bowles bought all of those scarves, junk, shoes, bangles, and beads.

But I still lack the Lady Gaga to put it together. To compose it. To compose myself. From inside out. That is what I see you as doing, Old-Hand. You are Lady Gaga to me. And I want to do it too. But I do not know how to decide to leave my cocoon, to free myself.

This is what I aspire to:

Lady Gaga has the same self-expression of Sally Bowles but she is in control. She may seek the same validation, love and security, but she seems to be able to exercise the discernment to choose just what fits and what does not, and go after it. She seems conscious and to respond and act upon the life events which she encounters.

It feels to me that a crucial piece is the construction of a self-image. A self-image that comes from inside out.

What was it in you that gave you permission to decide to choreograph yourself through your appearance? Do you see how radical this is?

I have an acquaintance who works at my bank. I really, really adore her. She is a self-effacing and modest, soft-spoken woman--who I believe inside is steel and kindness. Her hair is your color, Old-hand. I have wanted to be her friend for years. And this past week she mentioned we could meet one day at the dog park.

My hair is iron-grey, in a long-long single braid. Why? I was Rip Van Winkle. People stop me. But I feel so lost about my appearance, feel so disconnected from the sense of agency that would enable me to feel that I can compose myself, that I do not know what I would be, what I would manifest, if I could choose. (Well, I know what I would do--dance, art.)

This is not entirely true: I know how I would put together outfits. I do know this. And I do know I would probably keep my hair. So I am not being entirely truthful here.

I have all of the clothing and accessories to do this, the props. I may even have the will. What I lack is permission.

In my mind's eye I see others reading this and saying who does this old woman think she is, that anybody cares about her trivial and self-centered worries or wants? Believe me. It is not a sense of self-importance or vanity that brings me to this. It is the belated sense that I may have any intrinsic worth at all. And the understanding that it is my responsibility to manifest it.

I may have totally lost you here, Old hand. But I am curious to see what you think. You seem to have naturally or by choice, what it is I lack (or what I think I lack, and do have, and need to claim). The key ingredient. I am not sure even what that is.

Thank you, Old-hand.

 

[Pink Elephant]

Ohhh, Copabanana, I feel awful reading your post. What I'd give right now to be able to give you a big warm hug and sit down with you over a cup of coffee.

Forgive me if I overlook touching on all that you mentioned, but if I do we can always raise whatever points I may have failed to answer for you.

First things first, and I don't want to sounds as though I'm a know-it-all or trying to push you to do something that's out of your comfort zone, but I'm a firm-believer in being yourself and allowing your beauty to shine-through as naturally as possible, and EVERYONE has beauty.

I can't tell you how many times I have met women (way older than me) who were just average, everyday kind of women, but the manner in which they carried themselves, their outgoing nature, the way they smiled, and their ability to interact so warmly, made them seem like they were the most beautiful women in the world to me.

Confidence is one of those things that can make or break a person, because being too overly confident sometimes comes across as arrogant, but allowing your inner-self to flourish is what I'm talking about. Even complete strangers respond to a smile or friendly wave, even if it does take them by surprise. I know you have so much of what I've already relayed to you, just from how you greeted me as a newbie on the forum! Wow! I felt so welcomed and happy! Something as simple as someone recognizing me for who I am. That's what I'm talking about my girl.

I know you can loose that shell of yours and come out with conviction, it's just a matter of conditioning yourself to forget about the past and start concentrating on the future. You have so much life to live! We all do.

I think it's commendable that so many of us have someone who we'd like to mirror, but individuality in my opinion is the most important asset of all, and all of us have that in us.

Sure, flashy or dressy clothes help round-out the person wearing them, creating a sort of canvas for all to see, but turning on ones outgoing nature and friendliness, is in my view, where we should all be pushing our efforts.

You are such a sweetie, Copa, so forget about the colour of your hair, forget about the style of your clothes, and forget about everything that doesn't come from within. Those things are simply the plain old frame that highlights the picture. It's what's behind the conservation glass that the picture frame displays that's important.

I do pray you have a close-knit friend or two, or at best, a circle of quality people who you can chat with and bounce ideas off of. We all need that even if it's not all the time, having someone you can count on... even just one single person is important for times such as this.

And sure, I like the idea of wanting to be someone else, but only for a brief moment, only for a fraction of time. Instead, just be you - as in yourself.

 

[Pink Elephant]

Copabanana. A secret alter-ego of mine (not so secret anymore) LOL, which I relate to on some fronts, is actress Joanna Lumley, mainly for her portrayal of the cigarette smoking woman that she plays.

I totally strut my stuff in the home... cigarette up in the air.. a long drag... followed by a dash of the ash in the ashtray, I love letting my hair down sometimes for fun! When I do the smoking thing I always think about her. Yes, I actually have a kooky side to me! LOL! Not a lot, but enough where I take people by surprise (regularly)!

 

[Copabanana]

What I'd give right now to be able to give you a big warm hug and sit down with you over a cup of coffee.

Me too.

I feel awful reading your post.

Why?

What you wrote Old-hand was just perfect. (I had to go out and feed the dogs so I might have lost a few thoughts but I will try to piece together how I responded when I first read this.)

I have learned so much from your post!! Almost I cannot put it into words.

First of all, I have lived exactly as you urge and you value. Exactly like this:

ones outgoing nature and friendliness

Even complete strangers respond to a smile or friendly wave, even if it does take them by surprise.

the manner in which they carried themselves, their outgoing nature, the way they smiled, and their ability to interact so warmly

turning on ones outgoing nature and friendliness, is in my view, where we should all be pushing our efforts.

That is ME.

Where ever I go on my day to day errands people seem to respond to me as a friend, as trustworthy. They treat me kindly, many of them, and I make "friends" just by going about my day. I have a great deal of confidence in my persona and in myself, which I have gained since my girlhood when I had very little. Because, of course, I had very little control over my life. What happened to me. And as I grew up what I did, what I chose, how I handled it, gave me confidence in myself.

My mother's death and other things seemed to trigger me to lose a lot of the confidence that I lived well. But like you said, that is the past.

The interesting thing to me is that all of this clothes-buying, and centering upon appearances, is what my mother did. This self-display, and pulling myself together as in outfits or impressions, is HER territory. I ceded it to her. But what I was able to do in my life story was truly amazing. And I do not give myself credit for this in my post. I created a person in the form of my character and my accomplishments, and how I treat other people and hold strong--who is exemplary and worthy of respect. My own self-respect. It is very curious how I withhold it from myself. Your post is reminding me of this.

The clothes would be nice. But it is icing on the cake. That is what you are reminding me. But I can already tell myself: my cake has the icing inside. It is already being manifested. I do not have to do one thing more. I can walk around in old rag clothing, and it has not one effect, except it is a charade. The only one I am kidding is myself.

And sure, I like the idea of wanting to be someone else, but only for a brief moment, only for a fraction of time. Instead, just be you - as in yourself

So what this is telling me is that the doing of it is already done. It is like the cocoon is a sandwich board. Just false advertising. So there is not one thing that has not been done or needs to be done still, to manifest myself. I am the pudding that is already made--and eaten--to continue the sweets metaphor. How this fits with cocoon I do not really know.

So this is the other big lesson I learned from your post:

I do pray you have a close-knit friend or two

No. I have very little confidence with friends. I am not clear why. Part of it is that I moved a lot for my work and lived internationally too. I changed a lot. I let people go. I moved to a place where I felt there were not too many people like me. And then I realized that everybody at heart was "like me." Which was a great lesson. But still, I hang back.

I think this is what happened in the past:

Sally Bowles' lack of control, she made herself vulnerable to the world. She lost control of her gifts...which put her in peril.

I think I blamed myself for the bad and hard things that happened to me. I felt it must have been my fault. I hung back, so as to avoid more bad things happening...to no longer run into bad things. It was a complete misinterpretation of life, really.

Because now I am seeing something very powerful, which is in line with what you express. That everything has within it both good and bad. Every moment. Every person. Everything can be filled with good. By deciding. Which is what you are telling me here:

it's just a matter of conditioning yourself to forget about the past and start concentrating on the future

So there!

I have been thinking a lot about this very thing. That when a hard or bad or wrong or even evil thing happens, we can infuse it with good, by deciding to do so. (I tend to go to the abstract. Sorry.) And then I am forced to acknowledge that this is WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING without knowing it and acknowledging it. So when I am forced to acknowledge this I feel a great pride in myself. And all of the jeggings and bangles and scarves are neither here nor there. That there was no need to compensate. No need for advertisements. No need for sandwich boards. No need to go anywhere. That everything, already, is all here. Not just for me. But for everybody.

But I still lack the Lady Gaga to put it together. To compose it. To compose myself. From inside out. That is what I see you as doing, Old-Hand. You are Lady Gaga to me. And I want to do it too.

So here I am realizing that I am already you, Old-hand. My version of it. I AM Lady Gaga. My version. I am doing it. I have been doing it. Stealth. I was stealth-gaga. And I am OUT of the closet to myself.

feel so disconnected from the sense of agency that would enable me to feel that I can compose myself, that I do not know what I would be

This was a lie I was telling myself, for what I do not know. But I am revealed.

I have composed my life. This sham of a lie to myself can be discarded. It does not matter why I was doing this (although I am a little bit interested.) I think it must have been a way to draw fire to myself to spare my son and my mother. But it never worked for anybody.

Thank you, Old-hand.

Old-hand, might I ask how you chose your moniker?

 

[Copabanana]

Joanna Lumley

OK. Right this minute I will run to google images because I do not recognize this name. I will be right back.

 

[Pink Elephant]

OK. Right this minute I will run to google images because I do not recognize this name. I will be right back.

Okay, LOL!

 

[Copabanana]

Joanna Lumley: what an exquisite beauty. My goodness you are an imaginative person. There is such a sense of fun and energy in your personality. You seem to own your life. To take ownership of it in a real way. Not in a stealthy way, like me.

I want to be Joanna Lumley too. I am such a copycat. I need to take seriously what I have learned today.

I am already the me that I need to be.

 

[Copabanana]

I will henceforth call you OH (easier than Old-hand).

 

[Pink Elephant]

Me too.

Why?

What you wrote Old-hand was just perfect. (I had to go out and feed the dogs so I might have lost a few thoughts but I will try to piece together how I responded when I first read this.)

I have learned so much from your post!! Almost I cannot put it into words.

First of all, I have lived exactly as you urge and you value. Exactly like this:


That is ME.

Where ever I go on my day to day errands people seem to respond to me as a friend, as trustworthy. They treat me kindly, many of them, and I make "friends" just by going about my day. I have a great deal of confidence in my persona and in myself, which I have gained since my girlhood when I had very little. Because, of course, I had very little control over my life. What happened to me. And as I grew up what I did, what I chose, how I handled it, gave me confidence in myself.

My mother's death and other things seemed to trigger me to lose a lot of the confidence that I lived well. But like you said, that is the past.

The interesting thing to me is that all of this clothes-buying, and centering upon appearances, is what my mother did. This self-display, and pulling myself together as in outfits or impressions, is HER territory. I ceded it to her. But what I was able to do in my life story was truly amazing. And I do not give myself credit for this in my post. I created a person in the form of my character and my accomplishments, and how I treat other people and hold strong--who is exemplary and worthy of respect. My own self-respect. It is very curious how I withhold it from myself. Your post is reminding me of this.

The clothes would be nice. But it is icing on the cake. That is what you are reminding me. But I can already tell myself: my cake has the icing inside. It is already being manifested. I do not have to do one thing more. I can walk around in old rag clothing, and it has not one effect, except it is a charade. The only one I am kidding is myself.

So what this is telling me is that the doing of it is already done. It is like the cocoon is a sandwich board. Just false advertising. So there is not one thing that has not been done or needs to be done still, to manifest myself. I am the pudding that is already made--and eaten--to continue the sweets metaphor. How this fits with cocoon I do not really know.

So this is the other big lesson I learned from your post:
No. I have very little confidence with friends. I am not clear why. Part of it is that I moved a lot for my work and lived internationally too. I changed a lot. I let people go. I moved to a place where I felt there were not too many people like me. And then I realized that everybody at heart was "like me." Which was a great lesson. But still, I hang back.

I think this is what happened in the past: I think I blamed myself for the bad and hard things that happened to me. I felt it must have been my fault. I hung back, so as to avoid more bad things happening...to no longer run into bad things. It was a complete misinterpretation of life, really.

Because now I am seeing something very powerful, which is in line with what you express. That everything has within it both good and bad. Every moment. Every person. Everything can be filled with good. By deciding. Which is what you are telling me here:So there!

I have been thinking a lot about this very thing. That when a hard or bad or wrong or even evil thing happens, we can infuse it with good, by deciding to do so. (I tend to go to the abstract. Sorry.) And then I am forced to acknowledge that this is WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING without knowing it and acknowledging it. So when I am forced to acknowledge this I feel a great pride in myself. And all of the jeggings and bangles and scarves are neither here nor there. That there was no need to compensate. No need for advertisements. No need for sandwich boards. No need to go anywhere. That everything, already, is all here. Not just for me. But for everybody.
So here I am realizing that I am already you, Old-hand. My version of it. I AM Lady Gaga. My version. I am doing it. I have been doing it. Stealth. I was stealth-gaga. And I am OUT of the closet to myself.
This was a lie I was telling myself, for what I do not know. But I am revealed.

I have composed my life. This sham of a lie to myself can be discarded. It does not matter why I was doing this (although I am a little bit interested.) I think it must have been a way to draw fire to myself to spare my son and my mother. But it never worked for anybody.

Thank you, Old-hand.

Old-hand, might I ask how you chose your moniker?

I never like to see anyone hurting, that's why I was a little sad after reading your post, but you've made me feel a whole lot better! See, that's what makes the world go around, supporting and understanding one another.

How I wish you and I could venture out together, I'd show you how I swing my cigarette back and forth with authority while walking (LOL), and if you love your coffee anything like me, we could drink a pot or two between us while gabbing about everything under the sun!

I want you to know that I'm always open to discussing these sorts of things, so please always remember that.

You want to know something else? Get yourself out there, even if it's for a short stroll, put on something that makes you feel good inside (and outside), and with chin up, smile as you go. By the way, I love the sounds of your hair in a braid! Sounds so pretty.

As for my moniker, I'm old-fashioned to the bone, like REALLY to the bone, and if it's old-fashioned and you can think of it, I've done it! Right from helping my mom do laundry back in the day in her wringer washing machine, to canning fruit and vegetables in my own home, growing a garden (a small one, but a garden no less)... sewing buttons on by-hand, sewing clothes for my kids when they were little, making homemade baby formula and baby food for them, diapering their little bottoms in cloth diapers and rubber pants (oh my word, diapers and rubber pants, now there's a whole other topic of conversation) LOL!, and a whole lot more! And yes, I even used diaper pins!

 

[Pink Elephant]

Copabanana. Now it's my turn to ask you how you came up with your moniker.

 

[Copabanana]

hair colour

I was going to ask you if you are British. I did not think so because I did not see at first reading a spelling difference or idiom. And here it is!

It feels to me that a crucial piece is the construction of a self-image. A self-image that comes from inside out.

You see. I did not see this until now. A self-image is manifested in who you are not what you look like. That is what you are trying to tell me. How could I miss this?

People say that you dress well to show that you think well of yourself, have confidence, value yourself.

This was how I was faulting myself as falling short. I felt because I could not manifest in my dress, somebody well-composed, I was therefore not well-composed or self-composed. Both things, not true.

But you are saying, as I understand you, something different. You are saying: a self-image is what you construct by your being. Your real life, who you are. What you present is: who you are, your being.

You know how young women will dress with a safety pin through something or other...or a dress with a deliberately unsewn hem? Or jeans or tops that are deliberately torn? When I was in graduate school I was in a cohort of only 6. A heterosexual fellow student (male) wore dresses and skirts often. To be transgressive, not transsexual.

Maybe this willful act of wearing a safety pin through my nose so to speak has been expressive and transgressive, too. Not necessarily transgressive of any societal norm (but perhaps that too) but I am expressing something through my one. set. of. clothes. I am giving the appearance, like Sally Bowles, of having lost control of the message. When I have not. I am fully in control. Like you as Joanna Lumley. This is a pose. A stylistic, transgressive, expressive pose. I like this.

You have been so kind to me, Oh. (Easier still, than OH.) I am going now to read the post that just appeared here and than I am going to go get dressed for a walk (I have denied myself for 2 weeks). I am going to break the mold with my attire. Thank you, Oh. Very much.

 

[Pink Elephant]

I was going to ask you if you are British. I did not think so because I did not see at first reading a spelling difference or idiom. And here it is!
You see. I did not see this until now.
A self-image is manifested in who you are not what you look like. That is what you are trying to tell me. How could I miss this?

People say that you dress well to show that you think well of yourself, have confidence, value yourself.

This was how I was faulting myself as falling short. I felt because I could not manifest in my dress, somebody well-composed, I was therefore not well-composed or self-composed. Both things, not true.

But you are saying, as I understand you, something different. You are saying: a self-image is what you construct by your being. Your real life, who you are. What you present is: who you are, your being.

You know how young women will dress with a safety pin through something or other...or a dress with a deliberately unsewn hem? Or jeans or tops that are deliberately torn? When I was in graduate school I was in a cohort of only 6. A heterosexual fellow student (male) wore dresses and skirts often. To be transgressive, not transsexual.

Maybe this willful act of wearing a safety pin through my nose so to speak has been expressive and transgressive, too. Not necessarily transgressive of any societal norm (but perhaps that too) but I am expressing something through my one. set. of. clothes. I am giving the appearance, like Sally Bowles, of having lost control of the message. When I have not. I am fully in control. Like you as Joanna Lumley. This is a pose. A stylistic, transgressive, expressive pose. I like this.

You have been so kind to me, Oh. (Easier still, than OH.) I am going now to read the post that just appeared here and than I am going to go get dressed for a walk (I have denied myself for 2 weeks). I am going to break the mold with my attire. Thank you, Oh. Very much.

I'm not British.

One thing I have learned in my time on this planet, is no one is ugly, not that you relayed that in your conversation, just that I wanted to mention that little tidbit. Take the most beautiful people in the world, and if they lack warmth and personality, their overall luster quickly fades.

I'm hoping you are having as equally magnificent day today as we are having. Beautiful sunshine, the air is fresh, warm and inviting, and I think (hope) spring is finally here! Yay!

Just seen an older woman the other evening wearing a safety pin on the waistband of her yoga pants at my exercise class! Presumably, the elastic waistband wasn't holding without the pin!

 

[Copabanana]

Well. I did a very brave and rash thing. Actually I did many brave things until life scared me. I took my young son and we went to live in Latin America and we ended up in Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro after living in a couple of other countries. We became permanent residents there and my son went to school. etc. I loved it so much. I loved Copacabana. So I had to come back to the States. It was supposed to be temporary. I love to dance and I was dancing Tango in Rio and in Buenos Aires, too. I was absolutely in love with Tango and dance in particular. I was very good. So that is why Copacabana is so deeply embedded in my heart and soul. Somewhere along the way I morphed into Copabanana, but that was a few years after I came back.

I met a man almost 8 years ago who cannot travel. Going back alone the last time (6 or so years ago) was hard. I have kind of let go of that dream...and am trying to get it back. So that is where it comes from.

if you love your coffee anything like me, we could drink a pot or two between us while gabbing about everything under the sun!

I love coffee.

I am thinking OH that you are very far away. I am in California.

I'm old-fashioned to the bone

OK. Now I get it. Old hand: old fashioned. So at first I asked myself, where is she getting this old fashioned stuff, here:

Right from helping my mom do laundry back in the day in her wringer washing machine, to canning fruit and vegetables in my own home, growing a garden (a small one, but a garden no less)... sewing buttons on by-hand, sewing clothes for my kids when they were little, making homemade baby formula and baby food for them, diapering their little bottoms in cloth diapers and rubber pants

It took me a minute to link it to your moniker. These are things (except the diapers) that I aspire to. While I was in bed grieving my mother, in addition to buying clothes and jewelry I bought things like props to live the life I wanted to live but felt I could not YET. I bought canning jars and a canner; I bought camping stuff and fishing poles; 3 sewing machines, small looms, embroidery and tatting thread and needles; spools and spools of thread; a compost thermometer, etc. All for the life I wanted to have, the life I felt I needed to manifest. And because I did not or could not, it all turned into junk.

There is not much in my small city but within an hour there is a huge and beautiful mountain range. There is a quilting guild here. I bought the "props" to help me make a life here which has never come to fruition because I was stuck.

How did you get to know yourself so well, Oh. Know what you need, what serves you, makes you happy. How did you get to know so surely and certainly what makes you so YOU? It is a gift.

M just got home. There is no lunch. There is no dinner. I am in my nightgown. In bed. Exactly where I was when he left. I will get back when I can. Thank you.

 

[Pink Elephant]

Well. I did a very brave and rash thing. Actually I did many brave things until life scared me. I took my young son and we went to live in Latin America and we ended up in Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro after living in a couple of other countries. We became permanent residents there and my son went to school. etc. I loved it so much. I loved Copacabana. So I had to come back to the States. It was supposed to be temporary. I love to dance and I was dancing Tango in Rio and in Buenos Aires, too. I was absolutely in love with Tango and dance in particular. I was very good. So that is why Copacabana is so deeply embedded in my heart and soul. Somewhere along the way I morphed into Copabanana, but that was a few years after I came back.

I met a man almost 8 years ago who cannot travel. Going back alone the last time (6 or so years ago) was hard. I have kind of let go of that dream...and am trying to get it back. So that is where it comes from. I love coffee.

I am thinking OH that you are very far away. I am in California.

OK. Now I get it. Old hand: old fashioned. So at first I asked myself, where is she getting this old fashioned stuff, here: It took me a minute to link it to your moniker. These are things (except the diapers) that I aspire to. While I was in bed grieving my mother, in addition to buying clothes and jewelry I bought things like props to live the life I wanted to live but felt I could not YET. I bought canning jars and a canner; I bought camping stuff and fishing poles; 3 sewing machines, small looms, embroidery and tatting thread and needles; spools and spools of thread; a compost thermometer, etc. All for the life I wanted to have, the life I felt I needed to manifest. And because I did not or could not, it all turned into junk.

There is not much in my small city but within an hour there is a huge and beautiful mountain range. There is a quilting guild here. I bought the "props" to help me make a life here which has never come to fruition because I was stuck.

How did you get to know yourself so well, Oh. Know what you need, what serves you, makes you happy. How did you get to know so surely and certainly what makes you so YOU? It is a gift.

M just got home. There is no lunch. There is no dinner. I am in my nightgown. In bed. Exactly where I was when he left. I will get back when I can. Thank you.

So totally awesome, Copa! Love it!!! What a lifetime experience! I've never been out of my country. A tight household budget keeps us close to home.

We're in Canada, so yes, thousands of miles away, but hey, this is the next best thing! Just being able to nitter-natter about this and that puts a smile on my face! And I hope it does yours, too!

Big sigh... awww... how I wish you would have had a good talk with yourself over using all of the nice things you bought yourself. If you still have those things it's never too late to start up!

I think in speaking for the way I am as a person, a lot of it does come about automatically, as in genetics, but, too, the way in which we were raised as young and growing children. I think having an outgoing family helped me stay afloat, but I do know of other people who had deplorable lives when they were younger, yet they turned out to be like me. Sometimes I think, too, you just have to let your hair down and say - I'm doing it!

Sending you a warm hug even though I know it's not the same as a real hug, the important thing I want you to know is that it comes from my heart.

Okay, we'll chat again a littler later on! be good and remember, breakout something special to wear and let your hair down!

 

[Pink Elephant]

Copa. Just want to say thank you to you for being such an outstanding member of this forum and extending such a warm welcome my way! It means so much to me!

 

[Copabanana]

a smile on my face! And I hope it does yours, too!

Very much so. Although my partner, M, came home as I mentioned, and is discouraged because my son does not respond to our very firmly stated mandates (boundaries) and we are lost as to what to do or not.

My son has a serious and life-threatening illness and is mentally ill so it is hard for us to know just what to do. So that has made me feel sad (again).

But we are going out just for a jaunt to see a truck. Tomorrow is my birthday and we will go out for lunch I think. And I will dress up today and tomorrow. I mean not dress up, up, but you know what I mean.

If you still have those things it's never too late to start up

I do have them. At least the closed (a lot of the crafts/art stuff was stolen but not all of it.)I was kinda saving the clothes because I want to make a trip cross country to explore another place to live (a cold weather place, and humid in summer (the trip keeps getting delayed.) Where we live it is reclaimed desert converted to agriculture, kind of like I imagine Canada's prairies to be except not so cold, but we have had a lot of rain this past winter.) And I was also buying to go back to work, except this time in my own private practice that needs to be established which feels daunting. And is daunting.

You have really offered me a hand OH. For that I am very grateful. And thank you for your kind words.

No more saving the clothes. Or at least, not all of them.

Thank you.

 

[Pink Elephant]

Very much so. Although my partner, M, came home as I mentioned, and is discouraged because my son does not respond to our very firmly stated mandates (boundaries) and we are lost as to what to do or not.

My son has a serious and life-threatening illness and is mentally ill so it is hard for us to know just what to do. So that has made me feel sad (again).

But we are going out just for a jaunt to see a truck. Tomorrow is my birthday and we will go out for lunch I think. And I will dress up today and tomorrow. I mean not dress up, up, but you know what I mean.
I do have them. At least the closed (a lot of the crafts/art stuff was stolen but not all of it.)I was kinda saving the clothes because I want to make a trip cross country to explore another place to live (a cold weather place, and humid in summer (the trip keeps getting delayed.) Where we live it is reclaimed desert converted to agriculture, kind of like I imagine Canada's prairies to be except not so cold, but we have had a lot of rain this past winter.) And I was also buying to go back to work, except this time in my own private practice that needs to be established which feels daunting. And is daunting.

You have really offered me a hand OH. For that I am very grateful. And thank you for your kind words.

No more saving the clothes. Or at least, not all of them.

Thank you.

One day at a time, Copa. That ideal has helped me so much. Can't get things done today, there's tomorrow, can't get to whatever tomorrow, there's the next day. One thing about getting older I find, is I don't quite get as excitable as I used to. Wish I would have had more of today's me in me back when my children were younger. Would have made things a whole lot more manageable.

When you put on something in the way clothes that make you happy, think of me in my slacks! LOL! I'm pear-shaped, so slacks fit me best. Big bottom, bigger legs, wider hips. Jeans DO NOT work with me. LOL!

Yes, we get down to some mighty frigid temperatures where we live. Typically, -35°C is winter temp, at least for a portion of December and January, so lots of indoor things I tend to do. Cooking, baking, and whatever. Lots of reading, too.

You are so welcome for everything.

 

[Pink Elephant]

Copa. Forgot to add, will be keeping you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.