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<blockquote data-quote="Beta" data-source="post: 749779" data-attributes="member: 22597"><p>BusynMember, I agree--DNA is hardwired and it is very strong. I too used to think that love would overcome anything. When we adopted Josh, we were totally ignorant of how mental health issues could be passed down genetically, and we had no idea that his birthmom was Bipolar. Our overriding concern at the time was whether he had been affected by drug/alcohol use. He was given a clean bill of health and had good Apgar scores at birth, so we just assumed everything was fine. I wish we had been educated on issues with adoptive kids and their genetic background. I think our home mitigated some of the effects of his genetics and he would have shown symptoms sooner if he had been raised in his birth family. I think once he left home for college and then to live on his own, his genetics, coupled with his own poor life choices, caused the Bipolar to really kick in. </p><p></p><p>It's still hard to accept that love doesn't fix everything. I know in my job with our psychiatrist, with kids who have Reactive Attachment Disorder, which is a trauma-based syndrome that develops within the first five years of life, the love and affection of adoptive parents actually makes them WORSE and they become even more angry, oppositional, and violent. It has something to do with getting back at the abusive birth parents by directing it at the adoptive parents, not to mention that trauma actually changes the hardwiring of the brain. I don't know how long Josh's birthmom drank or used drugs during her pregnancy. There are always a few weeks when a woman is unaware of being pregnant so any of those very toxic things could have been ingested and affected him. We'll never know, of course, but it has been a rude awakening to find that our love for him is not enough.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Beta, post: 749779, member: 22597"] BusynMember, I agree--DNA is hardwired and it is very strong. I too used to think that love would overcome anything. When we adopted Josh, we were totally ignorant of how mental health issues could be passed down genetically, and we had no idea that his birthmom was Bipolar. Our overriding concern at the time was whether he had been affected by drug/alcohol use. He was given a clean bill of health and had good Apgar scores at birth, so we just assumed everything was fine. I wish we had been educated on issues with adoptive kids and their genetic background. I think our home mitigated some of the effects of his genetics and he would have shown symptoms sooner if he had been raised in his birth family. I think once he left home for college and then to live on his own, his genetics, coupled with his own poor life choices, caused the Bipolar to really kick in. It's still hard to accept that love doesn't fix everything. I know in my job with our psychiatrist, with kids who have Reactive Attachment Disorder, which is a trauma-based syndrome that develops within the first five years of life, the love and affection of adoptive parents actually makes them WORSE and they become even more angry, oppositional, and violent. It has something to do with getting back at the abusive birth parents by directing it at the adoptive parents, not to mention that trauma actually changes the hardwiring of the brain. I don't know how long Josh's birthmom drank or used drugs during her pregnancy. There are always a few weeks when a woman is unaware of being pregnant so any of those very toxic things could have been ingested and affected him. We'll never know, of course, but it has been a rude awakening to find that our love for him is not enough. [/QUOTE]
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