Another "great" morning story

[somerset]

After attending school 3 days out of the last 4 months, difficult child was supposed to start back to school today going to one class. Could they make it any easier? One lousy hour at school. And she won't get up. Says she's too tired, didn't sleep much last night, she'll go tomorrow. Just like old times. Nothing will be any different tomorrow. The stupid time change doesn't make things any easier. I hate her right now. Now I have to call and tell the counselor she won't be there. It's always me that has to clean up the mess she makes.

I know she's horribly anxious. It doesn't help that she's in the middle of switching medications and isn't on a full dose of the new one (Zoloft) yet. The new psychiatrist only focused on the depression, and didn't really address the anxiety. If difficult child doesn't go tomorrow, I'm going to call the psychiatrist and ask about something "as needed" for anxiety. I wish I could just give her a piece of my xanax. I know adults with social anxiety often use that kind of medications right before an anxiety-producing situation. I can see why they wouldn't want to give it to kids (abuse potential), but then our kids are on all kinds of stuff not normally prescribed for kids because they can't function without it. I really think if she had something which works directly and immediately on anxiety a few hours before she needs to leave, or the night before to help her sleep without worrying, it would help.

SHe did have her sleep study on Saturday and was (a miracle) able to sleep most of the time. I was happy about that. Now I'm mad again. I'm supposed to feel sorry for her? What about my social anxiety and fear of authority figures? it has killed me to have to deal with her schools, I'm terrified of that, I'm on 3 psychiatric medications myself, and I feel really traumatized by some of those encounters, but I do it any way.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Somerset, I am so sorry you are going through this. I was in your shoes just a little while ago. It is so frustrating, and anxiety producing. I still wake up a nervous wreck wondering if I am going to have to battle her getting to school. And, I too had to make the phone calls. I felt humiliated and embarrassed. But, then I realized, it is not me. I am not causing this, and I am not doing this. I finally let go of my concern about what others thought. It was so much easier to deal with. I have separated from difficult child's morning behaviors, and just sort of robot my way through the mornings. And, when I drop her off at school, breath a big sigh of relief.

 

[DaisyFace]

Somerset--


I hear you! It's always on us - and it's not fair!!!

(((hugs)))

I don't think your mindset needs to be "feeling sorry" for her....but maybe it can be about acknowledging her? Such as "Yep, it can be hard to get up when you feel sleepy." It's not pity - it's just an acknowledgment.

And maybe there are some things that she can do for herself? How about SHE makes the phone calls when she cannot get herself up to go to the counselor? She can telephone and tell them she is too sleepy...

 

[somerset]

"She can telephone and tell them she is too sleepy..."

I'd like to see that!

 

[buddy]

LOL, wait till they call and then just go to her and say, hey difficult child, phones for you......and just hand it to her and walk away FAST

 

[somerset]

Actually, she has a thing about talking on the phone. She hates it. She pretty much won't take calls from anybody. Texting she'll do.

 

[buddy]

I have a phone phobia too...I really work hard to overcome it. I never let it stop me now but there was a time...... I can actually relate to that.

 

[DaisyFace]

"She can telephone and tell them she is too sleepy..."

I'd like to see that!

Well...why not?

If one cannot get to school or work to an appointment - one must call and notify them. That's the way life works. And for difficult child's, it's kind of a "natural consequence" situation. After all, it's one thing to whine and complain at home and let Mom handle all the fallout - but it's quite another when difficult child has to make the phone call and answer the person on the other end as to WHY she cannot do something.

 

[somerset]

The problem is, she'd be too terrified to make the call, and I can't "make" her do anything. If I am hard on her, she just crumbles. I can't ground her because she doesn't want to go anywhere, and if I take her stuff away she just sleeps. All the time. And rewards don't work either. She's lost interest in pretty much everything. Hence the Major Depression diagnosis.

I'm less angry today. She turned out to be running a fever. We'll try again today. It's been hard for me to completely understand what she's been going through because she doesn't talk about her feelings. THe other day, we agreed that we needed to do some activity before the sleep study to help her be tired. She chose to go to a Bath and Body Works. It was in a mall, but she didn't know that. I didn't think it mattered. When she was done shopping, she practically ran out of there. In the car, she told me how hard it had been for her to go in there, that malls are especially hard for her because there are so many people who she feels will look at her. In particular, other teens hang out at malls and that's the hardest. She said she felt exhausted from just having to deal with going in there.

 

[StressedM0mma]

I know your daughter is dealing with similar, yet very different issues from my difficult child, but I set up little rewards for her each day. If you go all day today you can get a shake, next day, a new eyeshadow, and if she made it the week, I took her to the tack shop and makeup store. She has been back to school for a month now, and I am still having to pry her up out of bed, but she is getting up and ready. I am so sorry. I know how frustrating it is. I hope that she can make it to class soon.

 

[somerset]

Thanks, StressedMomma. I'm glad your daughter is doing so much better.

I have these boots difficult child's been wanting to borrow, but I wouldn't let her. I told her last week she can wear them to school when she goes. I even dangled them over her yesterday when I was trying to get her up. The offer will stay open until she does go.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Hopefully tomorrow will be the day. I will pretzel everything that she will be feeling better, and will be able to do this. Is it all day? I thought I saw that it was for one class. I hope she manages to handle it. I know it gets harder and harder the longer they are away. Hugs.

 

[somerset]

Yup, it's one class, and since tomorrow is their short day, it will only be 36 min long. Thanks for the good wishes!