Another GRRRRR day

[TeDo]

We have been up for all of an hour and it has been a VERY looooooooong hour. Last night, when I went to bed, I saw that difficult child 1 was sleeping with difficult child 2. Not a problem, most of the time, since they are each other's "safety". difficult child 2's bed is against a wall so when difficult child 1 joins him, difficult child 2 sleeps against the wall the difficult child 1 sleeps on the outside (otherwise difficult child 2 smushes difficult child 1). We had a thunderstorm in the middle of the night and difficult child 2 is afraid of thunderstorms. He crawled over difficult child 1 to get out and come in my room. When the storm whas over, difficult child 2 crawled into difficult child 1's bed so he wouldn't wake difficult child 1 up. We all got up within 5 minutes of each other this morning. So ......

I made Toaster Strudel for difficult child 2 for breakfast. I made Toaster Scrambles for difficult child 1. Usually I let them fix their own breakfast and difficult child 1 will usually have leftovers. The ONLY breakfast foods he likes are Toaster Scrambles, eggs, and bacon. Anyway, difficult child 1 came into the kitchen before the food was ready and here's the conversation

difficult child 1: "Are you making me some breakfast?"
Me: yep
difficult child 1: What are you making for me?
Me: Toaster Scrambles
difficult child 1: Why those (voice volume increasing) and not chow mein or SOMETHING GOOD?
*I went silent and he left the kitchen*
Me: difficult child 2, your breakfast is ready.
difficult child 2: Thanks Mom
difficult child 1: I guess that means it's time for ME to eat too (VERY irritated voice)
*set plate on the table and walk away*
Me: When you're done, you can go back up to your room. I am not going to deal with this attitude.
difficult child 1: It's difficult child 2's fault. He woke me up in the middle of the night because of a stupid storm.
Me: Well, he had to crawl OVER YOU to get out of HIS bed agaaaaain.
difficult child 1: He didn't have to wake me up. (keep in mind that difficult child 2 is a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier than difficult child 1)
Me: He didn't exactly do it on purpose. If you hadn't been in his bed, he would have been able to get out of HIS bed without waking anyone up.
difficult child 1: But... (I cut him off before he could say another word)
Me: I am not going to argue about it and I will not allow you to blame difficult child 2 for YOUR c***py attitude. When you are done, go up to your room.

He ate BOTH Toaster Scrambles and went into the other room. I went in there and said "to your room please". difficult child 1 said "I know you're trying to get me to go back to sleep but it's not going to work".

Ummmmm......no, I just don't want him near difficult child 2 OR me when he's in this frame of mind because it will only go downhill from here. It's going to be one looooooong day.

 

[Bunny]

((((hugs)))) to you, Tedo. I kow those mornings and I dread them. I hope that the rest of the day gets better.

 

[buddy]

Me me me me me me me me .....(difficult child 1's thinking bubble )

That is what's in my difficult child's bubble too ....that and I want what I want NOW or I might just die!

Hang in there, you got this!

 

[pasajes4]

I only have one difficult child. I can't imagine having 2. You have my absolute admiration for not having gone screaming into the night.

 

[TeDo]

When he starts the "blame game" where there isn't any, I know it's going to be a long day. He has spent most of the day at the water park so it has been kind of peaceful. Lunch and dinner were MUCH better but we'll see how the evening goes once the park closes....in 30 min. UGH

 

[Bunny]

Maybe the water park tired him out and the rest of the night will go smoothly?

 

[TeDo]

It went pretty well but this morning he was irritable again. I'm beginning to think the heat is getting to him. Good thing it's supposed to FINALLY cool off this week-end.

 

[Bunny]

I've noticed that with my difficult child about the heat. It definately does not help.

 

[Allan-Matlem]

Hi,

In the moment - breakfast , is a difficult time to deal with problems
I would try to start the cps process and then set a time later to discuss the problem

so after hearing his complaint - I would use reflective listening and just repeat what he has said - I hear you are not so happy with .....and would prefer ...... right now I would appreciate if you can try and make the best of what I have made for you , later I will make some time for us to come up with a plan so you can enjoy your breakfast s , is that OK by you ?

complaining about his attitude and sending him to his room just set up the ' blame game'.

Even if a kid is showing attitude or trying to be manipulative it pays to take what he says seriously and see his perspective. This builds trust and gives us entry to get a clearer picture of his concerns and solve the problem

when our buttons are being pushed it is not easy to respond in this way , but looking back on what happened we do have the benefit of hindsight.

 

[DaisyFace]

so after hearing his complaint - I would use reflective listening and just repeat what he has said - I hear you are not so happy with .....and would prefer ...... right now I would appreciate if you can try and make the best of what I have made for you , later I will make some time for us to come up with a plan so you can enjoy your breakfast s , is that OK by you ?

complaining about his attitude and sending him to his room just set up the ' blame game'.

Even if a kid is showing attitude or trying to be manipulative it pays to take what he says seriously and see his perspective. This builds trust and gives us entry to get a clearer picture of his concerns and solve the problem

when our buttons are being pushed it is not easy to respond in this way , but looking back on what happened we do have the benefit of hindsight.

If Tedo's difficult child is anything like mine - the breakfast complaint had absolutely nothing to do with what was bothering him at the moment. And clearly - she was accomodating his wants and needs by preparing the Toaster Scrambles that she knows he likes to eat.

in my humble opinion - those are NOT the times to use reflective listening because the complaint is more about venting anger that it is pointing out a problem.

 

[TeDo]

Thank you DF. You are exactly right. It had nothing to do with the food choice. When he is "not right" or off more than usual for some reason, NOTHING is right for him. HE started the blame game....as usual.....nothing's EVER his fault. That is also something we are working on.....just not when he's in that frame of mind.