I spent some time with my mom today, and I found out more weird stuff about H and her partner M. As you know, our whole family has bent over backwards to honor what we feel like H. would have wanted done with her house/car/possessions, etc.- and we have let her partner M have everything. H.'s lifelong best friend 'A'., who is also gay, has been the catalyst behind all of this, saying this is absolutely what H. would have wanted. Me, her sister/other best friend have not been so sure, and voiced that to many people, but yet I still want to honor my sister and her wishes. So, when H. died she had some money in a 401K that she left to 'A'. Not a lot, but a couple of thousand. 'A' told us that she would give this money to M because, like I said, she had insisted that H. would want M to receive everything, including this money. Well today I found out that 'A' kept this 401K money to pay for her airfare for her and M to see each other. ('A' and M live a thousand miles apart). 'A' has flown up there twice since H's death 3 1/2 months ago and they talk many times a week on the phone. Ummmmmm........... I am speechless, floored, sick. I want everything of H's liquidated and it put into a charity ASAP. I do not know what is going on - but something is not right. I told 'A' I would be up in Oregon soon, and since 'A' would be visiting M soon, maybe she and I could also connect up, she told me no. She could not see me. It would just be "too much". Again.........floored, speechless, sick. Seriously, I just don't know how accommodating of this situation and "H's wishes" I can be anymore. So many things are not lining up with her death, and what she left - I feel compelled to do something. I am trying so hard to find her voice in all of this. What I knew to be my sister, and what she would have wanted, but I feel lost.