Our son broke out into a Category 5 rage last night when I was alone with him and it was traumatizing. He threw a heavy metal chair at me, hit me, attacked me with a small guitar (thankfully i had the metal chair to block myself), broke our full length mirror, broke our bedroom window and broke our large main room window (and we had just gotten a bunch of windows fixed). As well, he destroyed my ipad screen (full of cracks). (it was my 40th birthday gift - I've never had my own computer). But I should be grateful that I came out aiive, because I know he could have killed me last night, had he thrown a piece of glass my direction. It was very frightening and I had to call the cops (stuff like this has happened before, but this one was pretty bad and I was alone- husband out of town). 4 cops came - one had to restrain him. He was trying to hit the cop and swearing at him. (and me). They had to call an ambulance and I was with him at the hospital from 8p.m to 2 a.m. Gratefully, even though our case was recently closed at the new clinic we were at because he refused to go back to the therapist, they referred us to an intensive in home service where we live. It is very comprehensive...they have no waiting list and our intake apt was today. (a huge answer to prayer). Our son started medication for the first time 1.5 months ago (Abilify) - started at 5 mg, then went to 10. And with this latest episode, even on the medications...I hope a better dose / combination can be found soon, or one of these days, one of us will end up dead (my husband or I - or our son may hurt himself). he hasn't gotten a bipolar diagnosis, because he can behave fine in school (though he is out of control at home, has no coping skills and can go from 0 to 10 in 5 seconds with no warning. But I noticed today the intake worker had 3 diagnosis which I hadn't been told about. ODD (well, that's a huge DUH), Mood disorder and one other thing (I wish I had written down). But the most haunting and disturbing thing about it all is that he has absolutely no feeling about what happened. He doesn't feel bad in the slightest! He says he doesn't care and he is mad at me that I called the cops. This no remorse business - freaks me out. Anyone have experience with this? How do you deal with this? How did my life end up this way? My husband and I have had 16 good years of marriage, but this last year - we are so distant... he is now depressed and has health issues and no longer seems happy to have me around. (It's understandable...living with this kid has been hell on earth - it has torn us apart), but it's hard to feel like I'm losing his support and outward love). It must be nice to have biological children that don't try to kill you (or even that you have a good relationship with. (our son came into our home at age 3- we still hope to have the miracle of conception). I know there is always someone to give our situation perspective and it could always be worse and all of you on this board struggle, but life is just so hard, so depressing. There are many beautiful blessings, but life did NOT turn out the way I expected. Thanks for letting me get this out - not sure who else to talk to - I knew you guys would understand.