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Another letter from prison - now he's asking for money
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 713561" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Oh Tanya, I'm sorry you have to go through more of this......I understand and I think your thoughts about waiting are excellent. You'll know by your son's response if there have been any changes.</p><p></p><p>As you know, like you, I've been detached from my daughter in similar ways. About a month ago, she hit another snag and texted me the latest drama.....it was hard to hear.....and I could have helped.......but I opted not to......and I went through the usual agonies of the damned about it too. I spent a few days being so sad and then I texted her and told her that I thought this was her opportunity to begin her "heroes journey." She is an avid Star Wars fan and I told her that, like Luke Skywalker, she had to take this journey on her own without me, in order to find her true self. I told her that I had assisted her in thwarting that journey by my enabling, but now it is up to her. I will not be helping her. I waited for the onslaught to begin, but ..........it didn't. She accepted what I said without comment. Our usual way of relating continues.....And, she figured out how to handle the new dramas on her own.</p><p></p><p>I think we have to continue to hold that hard line and you are a master at that. Not to say it is easy, because it IS NOT, but you have lots of experience and successes that show you what works and what doesn't.</p><p></p><p>I think after so many years of using us as their fall back position, it is the first place they think to go......then it is up to us to set the boundary......again.......and again......and again.....some of our kids have to be told, over and over and over again.....but from what I've experienced and from what I've seen and heard, it is the most likely choice to produce different results.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there Tanya, you did a wonderful job of staying in your center when faced with your son's latest drama.......</p><p></p><p>My suggestion is to go CELEBRATE your freedom, your life, your joys and your peace......you've fought hard for all of that.....go enjoy it!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 713561, member: 13542"] Oh Tanya, I'm sorry you have to go through more of this......I understand and I think your thoughts about waiting are excellent. You'll know by your son's response if there have been any changes. As you know, like you, I've been detached from my daughter in similar ways. About a month ago, she hit another snag and texted me the latest drama.....it was hard to hear.....and I could have helped.......but I opted not to......and I went through the usual agonies of the damned about it too. I spent a few days being so sad and then I texted her and told her that I thought this was her opportunity to begin her "heroes journey." She is an avid Star Wars fan and I told her that, like Luke Skywalker, she had to take this journey on her own without me, in order to find her true self. I told her that I had assisted her in thwarting that journey by my enabling, but now it is up to her. I will not be helping her. I waited for the onslaught to begin, but ..........it didn't. She accepted what I said without comment. Our usual way of relating continues.....And, she figured out how to handle the new dramas on her own. I think we have to continue to hold that hard line and you are a master at that. Not to say it is easy, because it IS NOT, but you have lots of experience and successes that show you what works and what doesn't. I think after so many years of using us as their fall back position, it is the first place they think to go......then it is up to us to set the boundary......again.......and again......and again.....some of our kids have to be told, over and over and over again.....but from what I've experienced and from what I've seen and heard, it is the most likely choice to produce different results. Hang in there Tanya, you did a wonderful job of staying in your center when faced with your son's latest drama....... My suggestion is to go CELEBRATE your freedom, your life, your joys and your peace......you've fought hard for all of that.....go enjoy it! [/QUOTE]
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Another letter from prison - now he's asking for money
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