another morning, another fight

[Kjs]

I hate to use the word fight, but that's what happens. I am only home two days a week in the morning, and each time I am home it is the same thing. Today, difficult child was up early and decided to play a game on ps2. All was going well until the end of the game (which happened to be the time we needed to go) Then the he starts yelling at the game, bad mood already. I told him I hate it when he gets so angry at a game. He shouldn't play games in the morning. That made him angrier. Then he gets down on himself. Nobody likes me, wants to babysit, so I told him about the red cross course being offered this saturday. When I told him the hours he said, skip that, like anyone would ever trust me. They all hate me. I would only allow difficult child to babysit the few neighbors with kids 5 or 6yrs. old. And that way I would be able to stop in several times to observe. He is good with little kids, but don't know how he would handle an emergency. I told him he has a reputation which HE has made and only HE can change. He did so well last summer and up to semester when I changed jobs. Since that it has been all down hill. Constant arguing with me. I feel it is my job change since now I am home after school and 3/4 days a week. Makes me feel as if I shouldn't of switched jobs. It was killing me to drive 100+ miles every day and working 6 or 7 days a week. I didn't see anyone working second shift. Now I am local, and more money. But is this worth it? I feel so bad. Just dropped him off at school, and he was in a really bad mood. Don't know if he will turn it around. If not, it will be a tough day. I have so much to do today, but now am so sad. husband and difficult child make it real clear how much better it was when I wasn't here. I just can't make myself smile and be happy when they are constantly yelling at me for one thing or another. difficult child and friend took their bikes yesterday, and didn't come home after school. They get out early every wednesday. Instead they rode their bikes down to Lake Michigan. Didn't tell anyone. We are not that far from the Lake, but what if something happened. We had no idea where they were. He doesn't get it. Says it is all me. All my fault that we fight. Just hate feeling this way. He has a therapist appointment after school, and he hates going anywhere that HE doesn't want to go. So, I told him to come right out of school he has an appointment. Then he asked where, and that just threw more fuel onto is already bad mood. Hope he pulls together, or I will get calls again. Well, better get to work. Nobody does any housework, or yard work, so it is all here for me.
Hope everyone has a good day.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Next time try this. Instead of saying to him "I hate when you get angry at the game, you should not play in the morning" say "Ohh, sorry. Tough loss. Okay sport, time to get going."

See how that does not put him on the defensive?


By the way, whatever happened to husband taking over issues with difficult child?

 

[totoro]

If he has to play games in the morning what about using a timer? We have one that lights up as it gets closer to being done, you can make it say "time's up" or a bell ring or no noise and just lights. It is for sensory issues but the light lets them know when it is almost time to be done!
Just a thought? My difficult child loves it

 

[smallworld]

We don't allow any "play" before school. It just interferes with getting ready and out the door. Can you make a rule that all video and computer games are reserved for after school?

 

[Sheila]

Hated, hated the morning battles.

No tv (cartoons) or playing of any kind allowed here in the mornings before school. Learned that the hard way -- difficult child's transitioning ability just weren't up to the task.

 

[totoro]

I should have added the no play as well... we have no tv etc rule. They will swing or tumble in the am before school which is good for them, other than that, nothing that will stimulate them in a "bad" way.

 

[wldinnh]

When my difficult child is in true fighting form, I sometimes just write down what I need her to do and hand it to her. She'll roll her eyes, make a comment and toss the paper aside. But when I just walk away, she does look at it and does what I've written. To make her feel in control I usually write something like: "brush your teeth, put shoes on, put lunchbag in backpack, meet me at car at 7:35". That way she can do the things in whatever order she wants and isn't being told what to do, since "being told" is equal to being tortured in her mind!

 

[Booklady Clara]

Ditto the "no play, watch rule" I don't know if it's the stimulation or what, but it never worked out when I had to say "okay, time to go." Now we're here all the time and it's a problem all day. I would get rid of the tv, video game and computer if it was up to me, but it's been vetoed by the rest of the family.
Oh well...
I usually try to deal with this kind of attitude with humor "Oh my gosh, let's blow up the PS2, then you can never lose again." Sometimes it works, and that's all I hope for.
Good luck!

 

[Kjs]

I know that he gets angry with games. I don't know why I keep putting myself through this. He was up early, ready, ate breakfast. If I say no, then it is a whole other fight. We (all of us) need to talk about this and just set the rule, no game playing before school. He enjoys watching ESPN for the sports updates in the morning, Maybe we'll just stick with that.