Hi All,
Oh shoot I had searched only in the early childhood forum.
I found the post and it was a year old, bummer. So I am thinking that this forum will likely do fine, if you'll have me.
Here is the story:
I am Free Kittens age 46. I am married to Claude Hopper (CH) age 51. We have a daughter. Beanz, age 5 from my previous marriage. I started divorce proceedings when Beanz was 15 months. I was hospitalized for depression when she was 21 months. Her biological father took her while I was in the hospital and was able to get a judge to give him temporary custody pending our divorce and refused to allow me any visitation.
While in his custody for 3 months, Beanz was abused sexually by the father (hereby know as the perv) and physically by his mother with whom he lived. The perv's own sisters (3 of them)are the ones to make the hotline call to protective services as they thought that he was sexually abusing her. One of the sisters who is intellectually limited had lived with them at the time and reported the physical abuse from the perv's mother.
Because there was a temporary order, DFS took custody of her when they deemed the report credible, that is, they believed he was abusing her. I spent the following 3 years trying to get beanz safe, at least, and hopefully with me. During that time I did everything DFS said to do. the perv did not, he lawyered up. After nearly 2 years of no contact with the perv the judge granted him full custody. There was no interum visiting, no input from her therapist or case worker, no provisions for me to maintain visits. Only turn the child over in 2 hours, which her foster mom did. It took 2 months for me to get the divorce judge to allow me visitation as he again tried to keep her from me. OH, we were divorced by this time. Beanz was not verbal when all this happened. I won visitation and after the first over-night beanz told me that he was abusing her and how. I took her to the ER and another child abuse charge was levied against him. DFS placed her with me, the case went on until last month when he pled out. The states attorney dropped the charges when he agreed to my having sole custody and that he could not have any contact until beanz' therapist said it was safe for her. Of course there is a ton more to this story, but this is the jist.
Beanz has been delayed since 9 months. I had her evaluated as she was not gaining weight, not meeting physical milestones and just looked wrong. I didn't know that she was being abused by him then. She has been receiving PT Occupational Therapist (OT) ST and play therapy for 3 years. Her current play therapist is quite good nad has been with us for 1.5 years. OH, I should mention that I have my masters in social work with 20 years experience, so I have a clue.
beanz has been displaying dissociative symptoms for 3 years, and no doubt, the physical and sexual abuse, the loss of her mom (me), being shuffled between 6 different fosterhomes in 1 year, who wouldn't?
Since the case has been closed, she knows it has been closed as she had been preparing to testify and didn't (due to the plea agreement). And no surprise all the issues of the past 3 years are coming to light now that she truely feels safe.
She began harming our pets again. She did this briefly about 1 year ago. This time we caught her laughing meniacaly and poking 5 day old kittens with a wire hanger. She had been active in the birth of the kittens, taught how to safely hold them and pet them, and allowed to hold them. She was reprimanded and given a consequence. After that she began talking about a voice she hears inside, that the voice is an adult male that tells her she is ugly, stupid etc. and told her to hurt the kittens. That was a week ago. I contacted her therapist, we began short-term in home therapy with the crisis team. I stepped up her daily schedule with lots of supervised activity as opposed to lots of free time with her friends nextdoor. She continues to talk about the man's voice and during one conversation she unbelievably impulsively slapped herself in the face. She said that it was the voice that hit her and that if she didn't stop talking about him he would put her "on the highway and get smooshed by traffic". This is all consistent with having multiple personalities. She has not attempted, nor would she be allowed to use 'the voice' as an excuse to avoid reprimand or consequences for bad behavior.
OK, that should be enough to get up to speed. I am looking for support, information and general venting for parents with kids like this.
whew
Free Kittens
