another newbie

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Free Kittens, Jul 31, 2011.

  1. Free Kittens

    Free Kittens New Member

    Hi All

    ACK! I have been searching for 2 days for support in parenting a child with dissociative identity disorder. I found a post here somewhere and now, after I register I can't find it???

    My biological child is 5, DXes: dissociative identity disorder, pervasive developmental disorder

    Free Kittens
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hi there! Welcome!

    You'll find it again - there are tens of thousands of posts out here. DID was one of the things a counselor thought my SD had - not so much.

    I don't know a whole lot about it, but there are others here who do. I just wanted to say hello...
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    Welcome. Did you try the search bar and just not able to find the post you initially saw?

    I did myself, and found this one amongst others.

    Who diagnosed your child? how long ago? I am not a dr, cannot diagnosis and you've given ZERO info here but am VERY concerned about the dissociative identity disorder diagnosis. Dissociative identity disorder (DID) used to be known as Multiple personality disorder. It is generally caused by INTENSE childhood trauma.

    I recently had some issues with my own daughter where she was having episodes that seemed as if she had DID. I know for a fact she did/does not, but that was the best way to explain them. It is possible that she was experiencing dissociative states, but no Dr has yet confirmed that. This was caused by her medication.

    In the thread referenced above, in her second post, StepTo2 explains in detail what her daughter was experiencing. To my knowledge, that is not DID. I saw my own son at the age of 6-7 trying to explain why he does certain things. All these different parts of himself. He is an ASPIE, very similar to Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in thought processes.

    Welcome again. Tell us more about your child and stay awhile. You've found a great place for support insights and guidance.
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Uhhhh..... I think timer lady is the one with experience parenting a kid with it. Don't quote me on that, but I think that's who to look for.
  5. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    This is actually the first time I've heard of this disorder (I'm sure there are many out there that I haven't heard of.). I wish you the best of luck in your searches. I'm relatively new here myself and just wanted to say hello. Life has been much easier since I found the site and the kindness of all the people here. Know that you are in good company. And again, welcome! :)
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Welcome to the crowd Kittens! When you get a chance try to put a signature on (like mine on the bottom of my post). It makes it easier for everyone to remember you!

    What type of testing was done to give the particular diagnosis's.? Has a neuropsychologist been done?

    Welcome to the crowd! It's a fantastic group with a lot of experience and very strong shoulders!

  7. Free Kittens

    Free Kittens New Member

    Hi All,
    Oh shoot I had searched only in the early childhood forum.

    I found the post and it was a year old, bummer. So I am thinking that this forum will likely do fine, if you'll have me.

    Here is the story:

    I am Free Kittens age 46. I am married to Claude Hopper (CH) age 51. We have a daughter. Beanz, age 5 from my previous marriage. I started divorce proceedings when Beanz was 15 months. I was hospitalized for depression when she was 21 months. Her biological father took her while I was in the hospital and was able to get a judge to give him temporary custody pending our divorce and refused to allow me any visitation.

    While in his custody for 3 months, Beanz was abused sexually by the father (hereby know as the perv) and physically by his mother with whom he lived. The perv's own sisters  (3 of them)are the ones to make the hotline call to protective services as they thought that he was sexually abusing her. One of the sisters who is intellectually limited had lived with them at the time and reported the physical abuse from the perv's mother.

    Because there was a temporary order, DFS took custody of her when they deemed the report credible, that is, they believed he was abusing her. I spent the following 3 years trying to get beanz safe, at least, and hopefully with me. During that time I did everything DFS said to do. the perv did not, he lawyered up. After nearly 2 years of no contact with the perv the judge granted him full custody. There was no interum visiting, no input from her therapist or case worker, no provisions for me to maintain visits. Only turn the child over in 2 hours, which her foster mom did. It took 2 months for me to get the divorce judge to allow me visitation as he again tried to keep her from me. OH, we were divorced by this time. Beanz was not verbal when all this happened. I won visitation and after the first over-night beanz told me that he was abusing her and how. I took her to the ER and another child abuse charge was levied against him. DFS placed her with me, the case went on until last month when he pled out. The states attorney dropped the charges when he agreed to my having sole custody and that he could not have any contact until beanz' therapist said it was safe for her. Of course there is a ton more to this story, but this is the jist.

    Beanz has been delayed since 9 months. I had her evaluated as she was not gaining weight, not meeting physical milestones and just looked wrong. I didn't know that she was being abused by him then. She has been receiving PT Occupational Therapist (OT) ST and play therapy for 3 years. Her current play therapist is quite good nad has been with us for 1.5 years. OH, I should mention that I have my masters in social work with 20 years experience, so I have a clue.

    beanz has been displaying dissociative symptoms for 3 years, and no doubt, the physical and sexual abuse, the loss of her mom (me), being shuffled between 6 different fosterhomes in 1 year, who wouldn't?

    Since the case has been closed, she knows it has been closed as she had been preparing to testify and didn't (due to the plea agreement). And no surprise all the issues of the past 3 years are coming to light now that she truely feels safe.

    She began harming our pets again. She did this briefly about 1 year ago. This time we caught her laughing meniacaly and poking 5 day old kittens with a wire hanger. She had been active in the birth of the kittens, taught how to safely hold them and pet them, and allowed to hold them. She was reprimanded and given a consequence. After that she began talking about a voice she hears inside, that the voice is an adult male that tells her she is ugly, stupid etc. and told her to hurt the kittens. That was a week ago. I contacted her therapist, we began short-term in home therapy with the crisis team. I stepped up her daily schedule with lots of supervised activity as opposed to lots of free time with her friends nextdoor. She continues to talk about the man's voice and during one conversation she unbelievably impulsively slapped herself in the face. She said that it was the voice that hit her and that if she didn't stop talking about him he would put her "on the highway and get smooshed by traffic". This is all consistent with having multiple personalities. She has not attempted, nor would she be allowed to use 'the voice' as an excuse to avoid reprimand or consequences for bad behavior.

    OK, that should be enough to get up to speed. I am looking for support, information and general venting for parents with kids like this.


    Free Kittens
  8. Free Kittens

    Free Kittens New Member

    WOW! What a warm welcome!

    I will try to answer questions here:

    Beth: I did my signature, thank you. The criteria for Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is how she scores on the dissociative experiences scale, coupled with behavioral presentation, history of abuse and clinical presentation. Beanz has them all. We have had testing through our Special Education cooperative but I don't think neuropsychologist was done. I did insist that DFS get an MRI of her brain as she had been shook by the perv's mother. It turned out just fine.That was when she was just 2, she's 5 now.

    Kiesta: I hear you about the diagnosis at age 5. Her therapist of 1.5 years has confirmed DID. I haven't had her see a psychiatrist as in our clinic all they do is a quickie medications management based on what her therapist tells him. I think my really long post (sorry had to cut and paste because I was booted)answers the rest.

    Thank you everyone. I look forward to getting to know you all and share mutual support.
    Free Kittens
  9. keista

    keista New Member

    Ah, yeah.

    ((((((((HUGS))))))) to you and beanz. You two have been through so much already. And now the effects of it all. OY!

    Well, you seem like a really AWESOME mommy willing to do anything and everything for your precious one. I hope you both see much success and progress.

    We'll be here for you through the ups and downs. :notalone:
  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Oy. Have you read When Rabbit Howls? Beanz truly needs someone that specializes in extreme cases, you're more than correct to not want a psychiatrist that just tosses medications at the symptoms.
    (((gentle hugs)))
  11. Free Kittens

    Free Kittens New Member

    Haozi thank you for the hug

    Yes, I have read when rabbit howls. The kicker in all this is that I used to specialize in treating adults with multiple personality disorder. I have read lots, professional journals, books and lay books like Sybil, When Rabbit Howls, Shattered, can't remember the others. I know what to do if I were her therapist but I am her Mom and have no clue. I am going to ask the play therapist for some extra time for her and I as I am at a loss.

    Beanz has been testing every boundary, rule, and procedure for 3 days straight. How do you all get a break from it? I am worn thin!
    Free Kittens
  12. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I had a friend that suffered from DID. I watched her struggle for years but I also watched her gain control of the "others". She had many because she suffered much of what beanz has endured but add in a mother and many foster parents that were also very abusive. Her "others" took on the forms of her many abusers (there were 17). She is in her 50's and still struggles occasionally but she has a very productive life. Help didn't come to her until she was in her mid twenties. It was a VERY long road but she is doing okay.

    You should be proud of yourself for "knowing" and doing what needs to be done to help your little girl. There is hope. Welcome to our family. You have come to a wonderful place. It has kept me sane many times. {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you and beanz.
  13. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    What would you do with a client? Do the same but LOVE her too.

    Since stability only recently came to her along with everything she has endured, she needs to test your trustworthiness. You are her mom but she has never had anyone to trust before. She needs to LEARN everything. Don't look at her as a 5 year old. She's basically a toddler if you know what I mean. That's just my very humble opinion.

    Is husband able to help you at all? Do you have any friends that can help at all? Are YOU in therapy? Put your credentials and experience aside and be the MOM. You cannot "treat" yourself. What would you tell any other parent that is dealing with this s***?
  14. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    While you might not be able to treat Beanz like a client, the fact that you do know so much about it going in is a better start than most parents in your position. You have a better idea of the struggles, pains, and driving forces behind the behavior, and a better idea of where to start looking for a specialist. Have you also read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene or What Your Explosive Child is Trying to Tell You by (I forget)?
    Respite is something you will certainly need, can you ask local child services for home help, wrap around services, etc.?
  15. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Kittens! There's no "if you'll have me", we're already here! :notalone:

    Make sure that you post often and we'll all do whatever we can to give you a break...try looking up NAMI...they may be able to point you in the direction of respite services...also if you want to pm to me your city/state, I can google around and see if there's any type of services in your area.

    You're a great Mom - there's sooooo much evidence to prove it!

  16. Ellenm0m

    Ellenm0m New Member

    Welcome, I am very new myself and have already been welcomed and embrace...hopefully you have such a possitive experience as well.

    I have to agree with TeDo, yes, you are her mom, and you rescued her, so to speak, but her Dad, who should have rescued her just hurt her, so right now she is testing her boundaries, how far can she push before the abuse starts again.

    My 17 year old niece did this when my brother finally got custody of her (she was 6 at the time). I am thinking it took a year or more before she finally began to trust that he wouldn't hit her when she misbehaved. Hopefully the therapy will help both of you.

    Again, HUGS and welcome!!
  17. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    One thing to keep in mind - she knows she is safe now. Deep down she knows it. Which means she can push those boundaries. Before, she could not, for fear of worse reprisal.

  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think you need to take her to a psychiatrist, period. A therapist is not knowledgeable enough to treat her alone. Her life has been very chaotic and horrible up until you got her and she needs the absolute best professional you can find.

    Are you sure she has DID? Are you comfortable with that diagnosis? If so, you need to see somebody who is used to treating this in children.

    As an aside, you should probably rehome your animals (I'm an animal lover). There is no point in risking their safety and no guarantee that daughter will be able to control herself around them in the future.

    Huggggz and so glad you found up! Hope we can help.
  19. Free Kittens

    Free Kittens New Member

    Hi Everyone,

    Thanks for the warm welcome and shot of Mom-Esteem. I really needed it. I have read (and re-read) the replies here and am thinking that I need to stop being paralyzed by her having the bad voice, she calls it Mr. Tummy, and just be a mom. This is gonna be so hard.

    I only have to stay sane until school starts and she will be in the full day program. And I will just keep saying that to myself. You all can remind me if you think I need it :consoling:

    I am in therapy and see the shrink. I go to a federally funded clinic and am alotted only 30 minutes every 2 weeks, not enough to deal with Beanz but enough to handle me.

    Beanz goes to the state funded clinic and is getting the wrap around services. In home therapist will be here this afternoon. I don't think there is respite, like 'here take her for a few hours' (don't I wish). husband is great and helps tons, he is totally worn out now too. I don't have siblings. My parents live with us and, on some days, can manage her for an hour or two.

    Beanz really is like a 2 y/o emotionally and is some instances intellectually too. I sure do wish it would be as easy as tying my toddlers shoes together in the shopping cart so she doesn't climb out. In other ways Beanz is too sophisticated for those tricks.

    I have read The Explosive Child. I did a course of Love and Logic parenting class that has been very helpful. I have read up on reactive attatchment disorder.

    I need to remember that a year and a half ago she couldn't talk, couldn't run, had never been in snow, couldn't use the potty and would walk off with anyone at any time. We have come a long way.

    Question? What is neuropsychologist testing for a 5y/o and how might it help?

    Thanks TONS
    Free Kittens
  20. Free Kittens

    Free Kittens New Member

    Hi Midwest Mom

    I'll talk to her therapist about seeing the shrink. If it is like what I suspect it is, just medications management, then I am not sure. Her therapist is experienced and well trained in treating childhood dissociative disorders. She uses sand tray play therapy which is the preferred mode of TX for a 5y/o with trauma. At some point I will look into EMDR TX for her, but right now she simply does not have the cognitive ability to understand cause and effect and other imperitive comcepts.

    I struggle with the re-homing the pets. It will break all of our hearts. The kittens will not stay for sure.

    Free Kittens