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Family of Origin
Another point of view on Shunning. And shunning vs. no contact
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 674750" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Yep. My mom shunned me, no matter how much I tried. But she had a cruel streak in her as wide as a sidewalk and used it on me (shrug). That is on her. </p><p></p><p>My sister, at various times, shunned my grandmother, my brother and myself. And for her, trust me, it was a punishment. If it were to "protect herself" (yeah, right), she would have protected herself and shunned her abusive boyfriend. He was probably meaner to her, deliberately so, than anybody else ever was in her entire life.But she, in her own words, COULDN'T shun him because she loved him (and excused his abuse.) That tells me she never loved me and that my loving her was a waste of my heart. And it also shows me that her shun is not about my "abusing" her.</p><p></p><p>In my own experience, the no contact was punishing and still is. The thing is, I no longer care about it. I read about it because it is interesting and I wonder what makes somebody do it, unless a person stole from them, raped them, physically attacked them or hurt their children. So I'm curious now and doing the research. I am NOT hurt. I do NOT care.</p><p></p><p>The accident helped me with this, but I was already on my way.</p><p></p><p>I will post other shunning articles if I come across any good ones. We need to understand what "no contact" really means. In some cases it IS protective...some people are dangerous to us and could harm us. But in most of our cases, it is just meanness. And once we accept this, it is so much easier to be grateful to be ourselves, people who do not shun. Shunning is meaner than a smack in the jaw.</p><p></p><p>I am shunned, but still very much on my sister's radar. She posted HERE, for goodness sake.</p><p></p><p>Anyhow, I just wanted to share a very "hit home" view of (cough, cough) no contact. Normal people have a great deal of trouble with this concept. I am starting to believe you have to be pretty damaged to be able to do it, and my FOO was damaged, very small group but a damaged group. I can't think of anyone who was normal. I swear I'm the only one who can hold a loving relationship for the long term...the rest all continue, even at this age, to struggle with close relationships and choosing good partners. Of course, I had to learn. My first hub and that marriage was a nightmare. But I learned from it.</p><p></p><p>Have a great day. Hubby and I go Christmas shopping today...ugh...will be crowded. I overdid it on little granddaughter!!! The adults...we are slowing down this year. Gift cards from their favorite stores, I think. And I have to get something for Jumper's boyfriend because I am sure his family will get her something nice. And he was there with her during my entire accident ordeal both for me and for Jumper (I am grateful for what he did to support Jumper). Have to online send something to Junior, although Bart buys him everything so I think a St. Louis Cardinals hoodie...</p><p></p><p>Serenity for all!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 674750, member: 1550"] Yep. My mom shunned me, no matter how much I tried. But she had a cruel streak in her as wide as a sidewalk and used it on me (shrug). That is on her. My sister, at various times, shunned my grandmother, my brother and myself. And for her, trust me, it was a punishment. If it were to "protect herself" (yeah, right), she would have protected herself and shunned her abusive boyfriend. He was probably meaner to her, deliberately so, than anybody else ever was in her entire life.But she, in her own words, COULDN'T shun him because she loved him (and excused his abuse.) That tells me she never loved me and that my loving her was a waste of my heart. And it also shows me that her shun is not about my "abusing" her. In my own experience, the no contact was punishing and still is. The thing is, I no longer care about it. I read about it because it is interesting and I wonder what makes somebody do it, unless a person stole from them, raped them, physically attacked them or hurt their children. So I'm curious now and doing the research. I am NOT hurt. I do NOT care. The accident helped me with this, but I was already on my way. I will post other shunning articles if I come across any good ones. We need to understand what "no contact" really means. In some cases it IS protective...some people are dangerous to us and could harm us. But in most of our cases, it is just meanness. And once we accept this, it is so much easier to be grateful to be ourselves, people who do not shun. Shunning is meaner than a smack in the jaw. I am shunned, but still very much on my sister's radar. She posted HERE, for goodness sake. Anyhow, I just wanted to share a very "hit home" view of (cough, cough) no contact. Normal people have a great deal of trouble with this concept. I am starting to believe you have to be pretty damaged to be able to do it, and my FOO was damaged, very small group but a damaged group. I can't think of anyone who was normal. I swear I'm the only one who can hold a loving relationship for the long term...the rest all continue, even at this age, to struggle with close relationships and choosing good partners. Of course, I had to learn. My first hub and that marriage was a nightmare. But I learned from it. Have a great day. Hubby and I go Christmas shopping today...ugh...will be crowded. I overdid it on little granddaughter!!! The adults...we are slowing down this year. Gift cards from their favorite stores, I think. And I have to get something for Jumper's boyfriend because I am sure his family will get her something nice. And he was there with her during my entire accident ordeal both for me and for Jumper (I am grateful for what he did to support Jumper). Have to online send something to Junior, although Bart buys him everything so I think a St. Louis Cardinals hoodie... Serenity for all!!! [/QUOTE]
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Another point of view on Shunning. And shunning vs. no contact
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